Papa...Mama

As a baby you cradled me in your arms
Never letting go
You fed me, you bathed me
You even took aches to soothe me
I would often weep
But you always found a way to put me to sleep

I took my first steps holding your hand
Even if I fell, you would help me stand
I bumped my head
“It’s going to be okay” you always said

As a teenager you taught me to think
To think and make a choice
Quite often I’d raise my voice

You saw me make mistakes
You even saw me fail
But you never lost track of my trail

You yelled
I further rebelled
I thought you were against me like rivals in a game
You proved me wrong
And this made me more strong

You taught me how to aim high
Insisted I could touch the sky
You always had faith in me
Saw in me what I could never see

As an adult you’ve supported my decisions
Always moulded yourself to my visions
You’ve given me my space
And invaded it when it’s been the case
But always let me go at my own pace

I may be all grown up now
But I still make mistakes
I seek for your advice
You are here, that always feels nice

We’ve never hugged so much
Or said the three words as such
I sometimes appear not to be there
But you continue to show that you care

There’s still plenty we disagree on
But the important we agree upon
If I’m breaking down or crashing in
I always turn to you, you forgive my sin
When no one is there to understand
It’s you I turn to, always there to hold my hand

You’ve made me who I am
I can say I am your number one fan
You’ve given me my face
One I would never replace
You’ve educated me
To see right from wrong
Stand alone and be strong

The Hand

Hold my hand , let me show you the way
Tell me you are here to stay
Let's breathe the same air
Hum the same tune
Ride the high dunes
Heart to heart follow the same beat
Don't be scared, trust me now
I'm here with you
Can you be with me too?

Cry to me, I 'll wipe your tears
Embrace me hard, I'll erase your fears
I'll pick you up if you have to fall
Offer you healing when you're in pain
Colour your sorrows and wash the blues

Take my hand and follow me through
Catch my words and listen to me
Unleash your heart and feelings within
I'll guard your secrets, so deep inside
Come with me, let's go and hide

We can share our hopes
Combine our strengths
Spread our wings and guide each other
Look into my eyes and search for the light
I'll tell you the truth, when others may lie

Let's walk
Let's just talk
Move with me
Let's skip
Let's dance
Come on, let's give this a chance

Examine yourself
Observe your reflection
Go beyond the frills
Let the layers unveil and observe your inner self
A warm hand holds your shadow
This hand shields your aura
Seize the hand
Hold my hand
I won't let go, I promise someday you'll understand

Silent Scream

I can carry them, a few more minutes and I'll be able to put them down
The weight of the bags is slitting through my fingers
Carving dents of pain
I'm hurting but the chill in the air tightens my hands
Purple soon appearing
I know this purple, it chokes me stiff
Sedates me slowly
Bleeding sorrow from within

Crowds of congestion pollute my lungs
Poignant noises cause aching ears
Cutting glances blur my vision
Hearts of ice stab me cold

My body stops with a jolt
Bags down, weight off
Arms dangle defeat
Shoulders slouching failure
Enough!
I think I've given up

Puppet me close to a bench
Hold my hand, pull my torso
Wrap me tight
Hug my fears
Tear away my tears
I'm shouting for help
Why can no one hear my yelp?

One more am I
One more tear stain gone dry
One more day goes by
One more scream
A muted goodbye.

In transit

Four bare walls

Cold concrete floors

Naked ceilings, echoing voices

Empty rooms, a screaming absence

A blank canvas, creative silence

Bolts and bulbs, screws and sockets

Measuring tape lives in your pockets

Fitting, adjusting

Constant readjusting

A smell of new starts to brew

Moving boxes and sealing tape

Bubble wrap, all things packed

Some old sold, some old is gold

Some old best forgotten

Some old invite new beginnings

Energy drives across these spaces

New shelves support old books and familiar faces

Opening drawers and slamming doors

Human soul penetrates the floors

A new postcode

Goodbye to an old road

Some teething problems

And welcomed gains

Some latched freedom

Unlocked by new keys

A whistling kettle

Sit down and settle

Glowing candles

Flat screen panels

Savoury yummies and sweet delights

Ready to taste, ready to bite

Bare walls bear warmth

Naked ceilings radiate light

Boxed goods sheltered safe

Comfy couches caress the floors

Warm hands open doors

Once a house ...

Now a home 

Allow me

An old piece written in September 2000

I wonder what you're thinking
I wonder what you feel
I want to know what you believe in
I need to know what is real

You fear to share your secrets
You hide your beliefs
I can sometimes see your visions
But fail to confront your fears

I want to be led through your spirit
Through your soul
Through your heaven and your hell
Come on lets cast the spell

Will you teach me how to love you?
Will you teach me how to be?
Can I hold you near me?
And let you lean on me?

Will I ever swim on your ocean?
Will I ever lie in your stream?
Will you let me drain in your fountain?
And care to share your dream

Can I endure your pain?
Can I help to ease your grief?
Can I soothe the heartache?
Allow me to restore your faith

Goofy things that make me smile

1. Finding money I didn't know I had
2. Pizza crusts which everyone else leaves on the plate, I relish
3. An unexpected kiss from your child whilst you are getting them dressed
4. Getting a package from the post office!
5. Humming to a song you hear on the radio and then downloading it to hear it again and again
6. When someone does a “like” on my blog
7. A glass of wine on a Wednesday evening with my girls
8. When the weighing scale shows the magic number
9. Finding something so funny that you laugh out loud
10. Taking off my wedding ring, just to read the engraving inside
11. Helping a random stranger
12. Getting a compliment on your worst day
13. Finding a parking spot in the city centre and discovering you don't have to pay for it
14. Saying “I Love You” just because …
15. When the sun comes out after the rain
16. When my son tells me “I want to be like you Mama, you know everything!”
17. The smell of fresh baked bread
18. Watching an episode of Friends you had never seen before … "Gold dust"
19. Ice cream on a cold day
20. Falling asleep on the sofa 

Twisted Circle

We grew up apart without growing apart
Distance between us brought us closer
Today only a few miles away
And drifting apart

Crumbling debris has been piling up
Once a smooth road
Now tarnished by gravel and dirt
How long has it been?
I cannot tell
In denial was I then
Now have just given up

Tear stains are slowly smudging the present
The luminous past remains the past
Time is going so fast
The future may aswell be a fractured cast

In the twilight I still see you
I see a tall figure, I see a moving silhouette
I see a shadow
I see a faint figure
Then... blur

You talk to me
You hug me
You even say "help me"
How can I help you?
Come out of my dream
Please come out

With you I've laughed till I've cried
With you I've stayed awake till I've crashed out
With you I've seen the moonlight and watch the sun rise
With you my dear, it's always been clear

My love for you so strong, makes me stay
Other days anger takes over and I want to walk away
You play games with my mind
Answers I simply cannot find

Break down the glass wall
Break it girl
I'll help you gather the pieces
I'll bleed with you and then heal too
Scab to scar
I'm willing to go that far

I continue to embrace you
Circle gets bigger
My arms are aching
Circle gets bigger
I'm letting go
Can't no more
Circle gets bigger
Are you still going to be there?