In our lives, we encounter various types of relationships with all kinds of people. You are born mostly with the fortune of having both sets of parents, sometimes grandparents too and later on in life this surplus of relationships increases with siblings, extended family, friends and one day you may even find a life partner. In all of this there is one key component which most of us often take for granted with these relationships. - Expectations
With some of these relationships you expect more and with others you expect less. However, when these expectations are not met, you find yourself in the situation of disappointment. We bitch, we moan and we often dig the problem so deep that the hole becomes larger than life. You see, expectations are in eye of the beholder. Do you see the problem? Genetically humans are not engineered to predict or foresee what the other person wants from them. Few of us are lucky and rely on the probability theory of intuition. This myth sometimes works for some people and I call that a lucky day gambling with emotions. Men in most cases are hideously incapable of guessing what women’s expectations are. However, they are logical and far more direct when it comes to understanding the point if this is clearly communicated to them. Women have an emotional Everest in their cranium which makes them dysfunctional towards verbally communicating their needs towards man or woman and often they hear or see what they want to believe in. So the bottom line here is a void of communication. This can occur between partners, parents, siblings and even between friends.
We are victims of our own actions! If you do not communicate your needs with your relationships, this creates a misunderstanding and more often than usual you start to form negative opinions about a person and ultimately the bomb blasts and you say things which really you could have avoided and were fiercely unnecessary. When we have negative thoughts in our minds, we are creating karma. When we emote such thoughts towards another person you are also creating karma. When we take action on those thoughts and bitch about a person to their face or behind their back you are also creating karma. Ultimately there is no good that comes from having bitter sour feelings towards anyone in life!
So really where does the answer lie? Your needs have to be expressed and only then will this vicious circle of expectations end. You may discuss what you need and will often find that these needs are far more realistic than the preposterous expectations you had festering in your head.
You open up a channel of communication with the other person and thus avoid misunderstanding their motives, which in turn lead towards a grey free area of possible doubts and ultimately prevent karma from taking place.
I stress the notion of karma because I have observed in life when we have happy thoughts for other people, even those that may have caused us pain or discomfort, this keeps us in tune with the values which we have been brought up with, makes us happier individuals and makes us more compassionate towards others. I am not saying that we must embrace these bad people in our lives, but we must create empathy towards all situations and try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Why did they do that? Would I have possibly done the same thing? If you are pro active towards a consequence, this prepares you for a situation in the future.
In 2010 I made some promises to myself and decided to filter and permeate my treasure chest of relationships. I realised that not all those in this chest were precious stones which enriched me in the way which I had hoped they would. It was a detoxifying cleansing ritual which was hard and painful. However the benefits of this filtering process not only de-burdened me but also allowed me to welcome new relationships into my life. In all of this I did remember one thing and that was to not create bad feelings towards these losses, rather to set them free and allow them to seek a treasure chest elsewhere. Perhaps they were a misfit in my life and I was no one to judge them for their actions.
A year later I have lived some experiences which have left me pleasantly surprised and also reminded me of how karma really does work and my faith in it is further strengthened! I have also consciously been exercising my communication skills with my relationships and have discovered that it eliminates doubts, makes me see the truth and not the distorted truth that my wild imagination sometimes allures me into. These small changes in my life have benefited me in huge ways that translate to simple love. I love my family, I love my friends and I love the simple pleasures in life which we often disregard behind all the paraphernalia that adorns our complicated lives.
Communicate your needs and think good for everyone. I dedicate this to my children, who inspired me to write this piece. They are budding examples of individuals who tell me what they want and only see positive things in all the people that surround them. In my eyes children are the happiest humans!
