Saturday, 14 July 2012

All out

A magical time they say
A baby is on the way
A growing belly
Creams and jams and jelly

I start the morning eating healthy
Two breakfasts are fair
A hungry monster pumping my air
Not my fault, I don't care

Mid morning tickles
Bagels and pickles
A cheeky cupcake
For the baby's sake
It's mini I'm told
Take two
I'm sold

Lunch is important
Some curry and rice
Tastes even better with added spice
More curd, more pickle
How did my taste buds turn so fickle?

I'm round and full
Touch my tummy
I'm gonna be a mummy
No more food
Just some dessert
Missing it would be rude

Icecream or cake?
A bit of both
Two scoops and ...
A proper slice not a sliver

Let me lie down
Unwrapping some of the brown
In goes the sweet
A final treat

An hour before dinner
I've got the munchies
Salty crackers and crisps
Sandwich crunchies
Jamon y queso
Un poco de eso

I really am fat
So what am I gonna do about that?
No more snacking
No more slacking

A diet for cravings?
Who was I kidding
To keep me hungry... forbidding 

Now back to business
Before i feel the nausea and dizziness
Double chocolate milkshake
A juicy fat steak
Fries and happy sighs
Don't judge me guys

A magical time they say
My bubba is on its way
Some extra pounds gained
Piles of happiness I can't explain

Monday, 9 July 2012

Is Ageing the new Dying?

I spent a long train journey reading about Nora Ephron who recently passed away at the age of 71 and was an award winning screen writer for films like When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattle. I was particularly taken aback by the light hearted way in which she handled the whole concept of ageing. I know I am far from being old and probably do not have any right to tell anyone older how to not self pity themselves, when I have hardly any idea about the fears one faces when they are heading into their 40s , 50s or 60s.

However, it got me thinking about how one treats you when they actually know your numeric age and when they don't know, how things change. I have a friend who is hitting the big 50 very soon, but if you were to look at her for the first time, I doubt you would classify her in the 50s bracket. She would not cross further than 40 in my opinion and I am not saying just physically but also the way in which she speaks to you and the conversations she is able to hold with people much younger than herself or even older. I admire my friend because age has never been an agenda for her. It is true we bitch about our never ending battles of wanting to lose weight, about the best anti wrinkle creams on the market and even joke about wanting to go for a tuck or lift.  

Nevertheless, when we are having a good time our main concern is the fact that we share similar interests and not once does it strike me that I have a 50 year old friend who I willingly want to hang out with.  She will participate in a conversation about bungee jumping, but also share her views on spirituality with you.

Fears against technology. Ephron points out in one of her articles on age shame, about her fear towards technology. She candidly admits that she is unable to get the buttons on her car radio to play her favourite stations. I actually feel her panic myself and I am only 34. It flabbergasts me when I hear my 20 something year old friends telling me there is an "App" for everything. Apparently you can make your coffee through your phone! As much as it fascinates me and I like to think I'm fairly tech savy most of the time, I know I will never be as sophisticated in the world of technology as my 20 something friends. It's not that they are a step ahead of me, it's simply that I have grown up with other gadgets and can identify with the advent of mobile technology with great ease but do get a bit lost when the phone is considered smarter than the human being.

I have another friend who is 24 and he met me for the first time thinking I was also in my 20s, clearly unaware of reality and perhaps my genes were having a remarkably good day. When he did discover my real age, I don't think he even paid attention to this change, because by then our friendship had evolved sufficiently for any of us to really care. This sweet oblivion I do feel breaks down lots of barriers which we often tend to wall ourselves against, when we know the age of the person.  I now get the "you are too old to know this and that" jokes, but it only adds zest to our friendship and he often tells me he forgets that I am in fact so much older to him. I would not say he is more mature or I am immature, it's just two adults getting along. 

Ageing as a disease. Age tends to bring with it intelligence, experience, wisdom and beauty. However, we are still so scared of it and treat the changes as a medical condition. So many women address their wrinkles as some sort of degenerative disease, primarily fueled by the media because women like Helen Mirren are used as images to sell the creams and one forgets that that even Helen Mirren is photoshopped in the adverts. Are these distorted and misleading adverts what cause so many traumatic fears in perfectly beautiful "normal" women? Being bombarded with advertisements of sexy teenagers selling everything from deodorant to furniture just adds even more insecurity in a woman who is starting to enter the wrinkles, bags, cellulite zone.

Unfortunately ageing has been compared to as being the younger cousin of dying. The concept of eternal youth has been embraced by scientists that companies such as L'Oreal are in fact studying the possibility of creating a pill which will prevent grey hair from appearing. This would be the magical pill which will basically stop you from oxidising further. Are we not playing with mother nature and how many of us will actually be able to afford such a pill? And for what? It may just be a cosmetic breakthrough but in turn will promote even more anxieties amongst men and women who will automatically be forced to fall in the ageing bracket, whether they like it or not.

Widening the generation gap. It does not help that our society has made us see in the elderly weakness and ugliness, instead of wisdom and experience. Socially we see the elderly as another group of people altogether, with different tastes and attitudes to the world. Are we basically in denial and just don't want to accept that one day we will also be old and these differences are aggravated by us and the younger generation?

Research has shown that in cultures such as China and Japan where the elderly are regarded as precious members of society, time is spent with such individuals to absorb from them the intellect and wisdom they have to offer us and statistics show that the existence of dementia and depression is far lower in such countries. This implies that such attitudes encourage protection over the elderly and allow them to grow older happily and not suggesting that growing old means growing obsolete. I pose a question to you, how many of us have direct contact on a daily basis with someone older than 60 in our homes or workplace? It's shocking how in countries like the UK, almost a third of people under 25 don't have contact with anyone over 65, creating a further gap between the generations.

I have been living with a 67 year old woman for 11 years now and if I were to describe the mutual benefits we have received from one another over this span of time, it would only encourage young people to perhaps do the same and not opt for a nursing home or old age home for their elders. I agree it is hard, but what isn't in life?

Coming back to the fears of ageing, apart from the impact of media, technology and science, the generation rift and society pressures which one faces when you turn a certain age, there is this loss of control one faces as they grow older.

Taking it purely from an esthetic point of view I will describe a simple example where a woman in her 20s is like the show stopper of society, she is the iPad of style, the cupcake of glamour and basically the hottest thing out there, even if she is broke, still living with her parents and not in a stable job or career. The mere fact that she can be out all night and not wash her hair the next day and just walk out in jeans and a Tee will make her fabulous because she has no wrinkles and her breasts are not sagging. I sound like a superficial wench, but it's the fact of life. A 20 something year old woman is in control and only because she as been portrayed like that by none other than you and me and Gossip Girl of course!

The same woman in her 30s will be desirable and considered ripe and mature, but will consiously spend some extra time applying some corrector and probably not walk out in just a pony tail. Here we see early signs of imperfections, again created by you and me and Sex and the City!

She will enter her 40s, with a clear list of what needs to be tucked and lifted and will have complete knowledge on the magic of corsets and dying your hair will be a taboo subject because you and I both know she is already doing it for a while. I blame all of us and Desperate Housewives!  You get my point right?

A woman is in control if she wants to be and all these external insecurities don't add but instead lessen her beauty. If we speak to women who are currently in their 60s, they will tell you that when they were younger it was more important to them that they had lived two world wars and getting older was not even a concern. Elizabeth Taylor was the iconic actress of their time, but no one wanted to actually be like her.

A woman in her 70s will tell you that the world perceives her as old because of the way she looks, but she doesn't care as in her mind she still feels young. This example relates to my 50 year old girl friend who behaves how she feels and not how society wants her to.

To conclude I want to say that age is not going to be defeated by any of us, it will catch up with us sooner or later. However there are ways in which you can invest in yourself early on and reap the benefits at a later stage. I am 34 and I really feel now is the time to make those investments for myself, to help my ageing process more graceful later on. Exercise, stop smoking if you are a smoker, cut down on the drinking, work on your appearance and make changes that make you happier when you look at yourself in the mirror. An example can be a different haircut.

Lastly, make yourself aware of the achievements you have attained in life until now and be proud of yourself. If you have gained so much by the time you are 30, how can you better the next 30 years of your life? Enjoy what you do and don't regret anything from the past.

We all have our fears, be it in our 20s or in our 60s, but as you grow older the petty things affect you less and let your wrinkles be a petty thing. Don't slap on the cosmetic Band-Aid, instead be fearless and proud of your years rather than shameful of them. We will all continue to dye our hair and use anti wrinkle cream, but in the process don't obsess, for life is too short.


Friday, 22 June 2012

Run away or run towards


I always think yesterday will turn into today and tomorrow will come after that, the common factor in all these transitions is movement. You must keep moving no matter what. Your destination is undetermined but confirmed, if and only you are moving. Keep running and you will see.

I heard about Tathapi from a good friend only recently. She explained about the charity briefly, but what she was most excited and yet anxious about was the fact that she was going to run 10 km for this cause. I took this personally as a big compliment from her, probably because I am a runner and tell her endless stories about my experiences whilst running. Knowing that she had decided to take the leap herself truly made my day. Added to the fact that she was supporting a most noble cause, I admired more the way in which she had embarked upon a journey which involved sacrifice, discipline and above all commitment. Running is not an easy affair, especially when you come from a non sports background. I identify completely with her trials and training moments, as I too went through these three years ago.

Running for me serves two purposes, both very different and yet depending on your frame of mind, can fulfil either goal. I believe running allows you to run away or run towards a situation you either fear or love. It is a constant motion of the body which not only detoxifies you in the physical sense but also cleanses your mind by providing clarity and answers for many questions we can often not answer when standing still. I receive inspiration whilst running and feel free from the bounding chains of everyday life. Seconds, minutes and sometimes hours can become eternal and often insignificant, but when running it’s not about defeating time, it’s about the value of time which we appreciate. Those same seconds or minutes can be crucial towards a “personal best!”

I am proud of my friend because she has accepted a challenge and in her own mind has confronted those fears by training hard, felt the pain and also savoured the glory.

I am going to run for Tathapi too, but in my heart I am running for my friend and although we won’t be running side by side, I know her shadow will accompany me on Sunday morning.


Friday, 15 June 2012

Elle

A girl is born - Elle
So tiny, brand new
She coos
She cries
She strikes in us invisible ties

A beautiful soul
We've lost control
A daughter fills that void
From hole to whole

A sister she becomes - Elle
Shares her secrets
Keeps yours too
She bugs
She hugs
Gets into trouble
By protecting you double

Bounded by blood
A friend for life
Siblings so different
But so alike

A wife she becomes - Elle
Gives up her name
But remains the same
Till death do them apart
Gives him her trust
For him she must

A mother she becomes - Elle
A guardian to you
An angel who guides
A teacher in disguise
Silent strength she provides

She shelters
She loves
Elle does

A woman is Elle, she's all of these
A ladder she climbs
Throughout her life
Daughter, Sister, Mother and Wife

So many roles
And yet one soul
 


Friday, 8 June 2012

Waiting room wonders

Normally when I am sitting in a waiting room for a doctors visit, which happens quite a lot since I have young children and also an elderly mother in law, these moments, minutes or as today was an hour are spent either surfing my phone or reading the sensational magazines they have on offer for all the patients and accompanying people. I usually do not indulge in speaking to the others waiting in the same room, mostly because I am assuming no one is there out of choice. 

Today however was quite a different story. I spent an entire hour speaking to a mother, a wife, a woman who in my opinion should be given the medal for having the strongest mind, a faith which I could feel in the room and above all love which she displayed towards her entire family, especially her son Pep. 

This is the story of Anna who has a 33 year old son who is epileptic since he was 4 years old. Ups and downs would be an understatement if I were to describe the experiences she has lived in the caretake of her son. Pep who is an athletic and extremely sporty young man was diagnosed very early with this disease and started treatment, in order to lead a somewhat normal life. In the early years of his condition, things were pretty stable because as I know too, you can control your young children and give them a life which doesnt require too much self independance from their side. As Pep grew older, now 17 years of age, his medication had stopped working as effectively on him and this was the most testing period for Anna and her family. Pep suffered notoriously between 17 and 26 years of age and this also marked a period when he wanted to be independant and follow the life of a normal young adult, as his fellow peers. In Epilepsy you are required to sleep 8 solid hours between 12am-8am or at least fulfill these 8 hours within the normal realms of night sleep, you cannot drink alcohol, you cannot drive and basically for a young boy such restrictions are like binding iron chains. 

Pep has a  passion for cars, just like most boys and he had to take his driving test 6 times before passing it. So extraordinary was his dedication that he never gave up. Once he had his license, he wanted to drive a car but his family feared this would not be good for him, so what he did was make copies of all the keys of the cars at home and hid them in his room. Once his parents found these keys, Pep resorted to hiring cars for a few days and would park the vehicle far from his home, so his parents would never know he had a car. All this rebellion is common for any parent who has a healthy teenage child, but Anna feared the life of his son each time a situation of this kind would arise. I have not had sound sleep for years, often waiting for Pep to come home safe or waiting for a seizure to occur which often happened at nights when he was in his sleep - Anna 

His epileptic seizures went from laughing episodes in his sleep to extremes like banging his head against the night stand of his bed until bleeding in the face. So intense are these moments lived by all the members of the family that not only does epilepsy leave marks on the patient but also on those surrounding the patient. Anna spoke of her daughter, 10 years younger to Pep. Nuria was 11 when she had to see her brother live these seizures and as a result of this trauma, till date has a hard time making bodily contact with most strangers. 

After several failed attempts of trying different types of medication, barbiturates and other AED's, some having disastrous results on him, not to mention the expense, Anna heard of an operation which had been performed in the USA and  was advised by her neurologist to enquire further into this as a possible solution to better Pep's quality of life. It seemed this surgery removed the seizures located in the brain, enabling patients to continue living a perfectly normal life with little or no medication. Pep had to qualify for this surgery and this was determined via a 7 day close monitoring period, where his medication was completely removed and he was watched in a hospital whilst he suffered convulsions and a series of seizures. Anna described this to be the worst week of her life, because all these years she had prevented such episodes from occuring and now she was forced to watch how her son had jerking leg and arm movements, threw himself on the ground and even licked the walls of the hospital room! As she described these episodes to me I could see tears swelling her eyes, but she continued to speak and share her story with me. 

Once this period of hell was over, Pep had officially been qualified to get the surgery done. It was a moment of progress, euphoria and a ray of light was seen down the corridor. Nevertheless, it was not going to be a simple procedure given that his seizures were located in the front on his head, nearing the centre of the forehead. The doctor had said he would intersect from the ears and work his way in, but a risk was always hovering. Cutting the connectons between the two sides (hemispheres) of the brain stops seizures spreading from one to another, but it doesn't stop the seizures all together and it could give him more seizures than before. Pep however was the one who decided he would take the leap and get the surgery done. He was 26 and had every right to make that decision!  

The operation lasted 7 hours and Anna mentioned she was ready for the worst. In her eyes she had seen her child suffer enough and this was a possibility for his life to get better. He has never complained about his condition or the numerous blood tests or pills he has always had to take and therefore I believe he is a good human being, so deserves a break. - Anna

A miracle took place and the surgery was successful, to the extent that he didnt suffer any side effects. A year after the operation, Pep had not had a single seizure and now after 7 years he is leading a normal life, aided by some medication to prevent any possible seizures. 


In this whole journey the family has lived together, Anna explained how each member of the family has been affected in a different way, but all that bitterness has been sweetened by a recovered Pep and a young man who lost 9 years of his young adult life, but is now living that void of his 20s in his 30s. It's a small price to pay, but they are all thankful to the medical team at El Clinico de Barcelona, who despite making them wait for 22 months before being listed for the operation, proved to be the guardian angels for Pep. 

A story which has touched my heart and made me realise how much mental strength and faith can do for a human being. Pep being an epileptic patient has run the half marathon of Barcelona this year, plays for a local basketball team, drives his own car and even plays 5 a side football with a group of friends.

Anna is a strong woman who despite having lived so much in her life was smiling at every opportunity during the entire conversation. She spoke to me like she had known me for years and her down to earth attitude also made me realsie how experiences in life ground you and make you a better person. 

  




Sunday, 3 June 2012

Mi alma ... Madrid

Echo de menos su aliento
Sigo sintiendo las calles en mi corazón
Mi pulmón
Mi barrio
Conozco bien su abecedario

Echo de menos a la gente
Las palabras de diente en diente
Las palabrerías 
Articulamos un montón
Chulos un mogollón

Pero me da igual
Así somos los de Madriz
Nada que cubrid

Un cortado largo
Algo amargo
La porra en Atocha
La Meca del mixto
Tortilla con pimiento
En la barra me siento

Una metrópolis colosal
Yo la siento como el cordón umbilical
El caos de la Granvía
La Castellana
Que maestría

El centro tiene su encanto
Las calles empedradas
Callejones pequeños
Las tiendas... sus dueños
La simpatía del madrileño

Yo soy amante del Salamanca
Las arterias del lujo
Velázquez... Goya... Serrano
Cuidan a las demás 
Camina por allí... las descubrirás

Te echo de menos
Madrid


Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Best Friends - Fact or Myth?


Have you ever wondered how you met your best friend/s? Just think for a few minutes on how you met some of these people. I'm sure many of these encounters were so random that you would've probably classified them as unlikely to occur in a real life situation. Is it a random process we meet the people we meet or is there something mystical about it? I don't think I actually understand it at times, and I would say it is completely random. There are several theories that examine the concept of friendship and I have decided to embark on some of these to highlight the journey we follow in making our friends, what determines a long lasting friendship and how technology has affected the significance of the word friend.

We spend years at the same school and surrounded by the same people everyday, so chances are you will talk to these people, make friends there and it would make sense to make your best friends at a place you regularly attend. However, how many of you can actually say your best friends went to school with you? Perhaps some of you can, but I think a lot of it has to do with character formation. We develop as human beings every 7 years. Every cell in the body is changed over a period of seven years and recent studies have shown far more significant emotional, physical and mental changes seem to occur over these seven-year intervals. Of course we cannot determine any fixed boundaries, therefore it is not possible to say when each person achieves their levels of maturity at any period in their life.

As an example, between the ages of 14 -21 is usually thought to be the time when we would probably develop our greatest of friendships as one is a lot more conscious of themselves in a new way and sees life with a different relationship, added to the fact that you are spending many hours of the day with the same people at school, and later university. However, as a youth you are also undergoing a big change of independence and feel the need to explore a purpose for life and a realisation of choices. This period is basically a time of adding maturity, dignity and poise to a person. You are volatile to commitment and your viewpoint is constantly changing, therefore may face difficulties to maintain tight friendships for long periods of time, as well as partners.

In addition a recent study done by Iroise Dumontheil, a specialist in the adolescent brain who carried out her research at University College London's Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience concluded that although teenagers have the physical body of young adults, their brains are still similar to those of younger children, meaning they are more disorganised and easily distracted than older people. We have always believed that teenagers are just naturally rebellious, however the fact of the matter is that MRI scans have shown teenagers' brains contain too much grey matter, this is the part that carries messages, which means the thought process is far more chaotic than that of an adult. This grey matter decreases with age and thus an adult brain works more efficiently and in an orderly fashion.

I relate this study to friendship because as a teenager your brain can only plan in the short term and feel the only people who really understand you are your friends, as they too are going through the same changes. Such years of friendship are so intense that it's normal to consider those individuals your best friends. Once you evolve into an adult, usually in your mid twenties, this is when you perform self analysis and it's a stage where you see traits of yourself that have been influenced by your family, peers and society. You are most creative and at your peak of efficiency at about 35 years of age. It is but normal that you will want to be surrounded by the same passion and creativity and therefore choose your friends in this light.

This data is merely a slice of the investigation, but puts into perspective the changing patterns of a human being over time and how these changes reflect on your personality. It is unlikely that your 10 year old friend will remain your best friend when you are 25. We choose to label them far too quickly and often realise the pressures of mislabelling them many years later, noticing you no longer have much in common or share a connection of a best friend. You can detect this when you refer to them in the past. We used to have a great time, we did this, and he said that.

There is another more spiritual theory based on the author Jean Dominnique Martin where friendships are based on the laws of cause and effect. A true friend can be considered to be a part of your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If they come into your life for a reason, you have probably expressed a need that has to be met and they are there to assist you through a difficulty or provide you support and guidance. Sometimes circumstances dictate that they must walk away or even fade into anonymity, for no apparent reason. This usually hurts us, as we cannot understand the reason why it happened. What you must remember is that your needs were met and the work is done, this friend came into your life for a reason!

If they come for a season, this usually means you both have to share an experience of growth or new initiatives for the future. An example would be primary school, a job or even an exchange programme. These friends can give you endless joy and make you laugh too. Nevertheless, certain situations can cause them to step out of their comfort zones or they are unable to take the extra leap with you any longer or vice versa. The seasonal circle has come to an end and they will exit your life. I would like to add to this my own theory, which I have experienced with some seasonal friends. At some point in life these individuals will actually return and you will pick up on the friendship, which had stagnated for various reasons that was not in control of you or them. This second time round you will notice both have matured and can identify each other’s traits more clearly and there is a sense of acceptance from each one. If they return, this can be a step toward the next type of friend - Lifetime!

Such relationships are hard to recognise at first but once you learn some important lessons of life, the people who teach you these lessons are usually your lifetime friends. We don’t always make lifetime friends early in life; it is possible that their entry only comes after we have crossed our 30s or even 40s. Going back to the seven yearly changes we experience, it is said from 35-42 years of age you feel the need to share whatever you have gained through life with others and almost look to unfold something, similar to a flower which finally flourishes after being in process of growth all this time. Usually you just want to surround yourself by individuals who complete you and do not feel the need to make new friends. In this period you can actually see in yourself the average of 5 people closest to you. These people will influence you greatly and if they are true friends, will bring out only the good in you.

A lifetime friend will accept you for who you are and thanks to them you will probably untap traits of your personality which were previously dormant. Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin.

Coming back to the point about being like the 5 closest people who surround you, this does not apply just in the positive sense, but also vice versa. Often we reach a point in our lives where suddenly you admit to yourself that those who are supposed to be your good friends are in fact weighing you down. E.g. if your friend indulges in looking for an easy way out, tells "white lies", makes excuses etc., it is only before time you start slacking off in those areas and justifying your own behaviour as "acceptable". As we hit our mid 30s we generally take time to inspect our own self and this is when we realise who is right for us and who isn't.

Ask yourself this question, what kind of a person were you 2 years ago and who are you today? Are the same people present in your life at both stages, have you eliminated friends, added new ones? Are you comfortable with who you are?

This now brings me to the final theory and my favourite one. Aristotle’s Theory on Friendship.
His view is based on three basic notions. 1) Friendship is based on utility, so you benefit from something by being in the company of that person. 2) Friendship is based on pleasure, your feelings intervene here. E.g. when we are young we are often regulated by our feelings as the chief interest in a friendship, like physical attraction. This is why we fall in and out of friendship quickly, once this attraction wears off. 3) Perfect friendship is based on goodness, for these people each alike wish good for one another and are good in themselves. Each loves the other for what he is and not for any incidental quality. Love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Aristotle says friendship lies rather in the active loving than in being loved. Though most people sadly are more anxious to be loved than to love.

In our western societies we can probably identify the first and second notion quite clearly amongst friends, but in a culture, which is dominated by expressive and utilitarian individualism, we have problems seeing the third notion of a shared commitment to the good. Such friendships indeed are rare because men of such kind are only a few.

I conclude that friendships today can be identified on different levels and perhaps have become "thinner" than before. When I say thin, I mean there are far more restrictions, categories, socio economic boundaries and definitely too many expectations from a good friend. A final point, which I would like to finish with, is the existence of the social media in our lives and how we choose to use it to interact with our friends.

Facebook is a an example I will use as most of us are familiar with this social networking service which intends to connect family, friends and peers through a virtual network. A big benefit Facebook gives is to connect with people from all walks of life that we may not be able to meet normally.

However, not meeting them and speaking to them through a computer can create a notorious danger where you confuse digital intimacy for true intimacy. We always find it easier to write something than to say it out loud. Therefore, what happens is you are under a false illusion that you are close to a number of people, when in fact you really are not. Would it be inappropriate to label these friends as fake friends? I don't completely condone the idea of Facebook, as I am an active user myself. I am simply bringing to light this new avenue for friendships, which unfortunately is holding us back from spending time with our real friends who are nearby and can be touched, seen and hugged.

I dedicate this article to those friends of mine who I consider my pillars and you know who you are. Thank you for lending me your ears, giving me love, making me realise everyday that true friendship is not fleeting and I love you.