Rays of warmth penetrate the ground
Beams of majestic light
Commanding presence
I'm here, it's my right
Sun light
They hum a tune
Dance in the wind
I see them grin
Blooming flowers
Happy petals
Warm gentle winds
Clear skies
Budding dafs, buzzing bees
Itchy eyes... and a few sighs
Picnics in the park
It's no longer dark
Lovers stretching out
Under the dormant trees
Their love awakes
So do the trees
The birth of nature
A true adventure
All is new
The earth bears a special hue
Drip drop rain
Rat a tat tat on my window pane
Musky green
Aquamarine
The air smells clean
Children playing all around
No longer homebound
Balls and bicycles
Slides and swings
It's finally Spring
Saturday 24 March 2012
Monday 19 March 2012
My everything
Capuccino tinted dermis
Button nose
Velvet strokes
Soft apple cheeks
Plump
Pink
I watch and think...
Forehead
Framed by feathers of slate
Tresses of ash
Each decadent lash
Never ending
Sweeping long
Across each almond
Eye blink
I watch and think...
A nest of hair
Powdery black
Waves of dark
A cushion of black ink
I watch and think...
Sparkling glitter drips from those eyes
You grip me with your ties
A smile to mesmerize
The perfect sunrise
I love you Mama
A cheeky wink
I watch and think...
Your laughter infects the skies
Cloudy blues turn to bright highs
A voice that heals
A void that fills
Sweet nothings
That's the thing
I watch...
I think...you are my everything
Button nose
Velvet strokes
Soft apple cheeks
Plump
Pink
I watch and think...
Forehead
Framed by feathers of slate
Tresses of ash
Each decadent lash
Never ending
Sweeping long
Across each almond
Eye blink
I watch and think...
A nest of hair
Powdery black
Waves of dark
A cushion of black ink
I watch and think...
Sparkling glitter drips from those eyes
You grip me with your ties
A smile to mesmerize
The perfect sunrise
I love you Mama
A cheeky wink
I watch and think...
Your laughter infects the skies
Cloudy blues turn to bright highs
A voice that heals
A void that fills
Sweet nothings
That's the thing
I watch...
I think...you are my everything
Friday 9 March 2012
Marriage - is it for everyone?
A good
friend recently told me that there are two things which really move a human
being, both physically and emotionally. Love and Fear. These
are the two basic emotions for which we will either draw ourselves closer to a
person, place or thing or in fear repel ourselves from the same. Sometimes even
in ill health we would not displace ourselves, but when in love with someone or
horribly scared of something will be motivated to shift even the highest of
mountains. This pearl of wisdom led me to think that the sustenance of all our
relationships is unequivocally nourished by these e-motions (evolving
motions).
Marriage.
An institution which equates to positive permanent legal commitment to another
person. What comes from a marriage is usually a happy family and this is
positive for our children as it breeds stability and continuity with the same
person and translates as the glue that holds our society together. Over time
there has been great debate as to whether this institution really does have all
those positive factors which the definition poses and marriage has been
scrutinised by cynics, especially in the West.
I begin
to wonder whether all this angst is actually fuelled by the actual label
of marriage which expects one to fulfill a certain role that
promotes happy families and stability or the other label which would be the
legal consequence of a break up - Divorce. Seeing it from
either way, it's a ghastly pressure (fear) which our young people of today are
facing and therefore failing to legally commit first to marriage, in the fear
of what may result from it, the ultimate disaster - a divorce.
Interestingly
what didn't convince me from the beginning was the textual definition of
marriage and I dug into this further. The Romans actually had a rather peculiar
view towards marriage - matroimonia
debent esse libera or marriages ought to be free. What this meant was that either
spouse could opt out of marriage if things weren't working out for them. It
wasn't until centuries later in Victorian England that interpretation was
changed. People then got married and stayed together for better or for worse.
It was then that the term "divorce" was frowned upon and if one got
divorced, they would be socially marginated.
Funny
how both these views are actually relevant in today’s society, depending on
which part of the world or culture you belong to. Clearly there is a basic
notion that society has established rules and laws which dictate that marriage
and divorce are legal terms which enable the framework of human relationships
to work. Doesn't this almost sound dictatorial? So if you are married then you
will be happy and if you are not then you should get a divorce? I'm just saying
it's no secret that the divorce figures are ascending worldwide, young people
are taking longer and longer to get married with a big fear to commit, adultery
is rising and single parents are predominating.
Talking about this subject with another friend, she said to me humans are not engineered to remain monogamous forever. I was curious to learn more about this bold statement and discovered; Christopher Ryan, an American phsychologist states in his book - Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality a theory which from a biological perspective says men and women simply are not meant to be in eternal monogamous unions. This is all based on evidence he provides from human physiology, archaeology, primate biology and anthropological studies of pre-agricultural tribes around the world. They debate that monogamy and the family base are more recent solutions than most of us would expect and far less natural than most of us have been raised to believe. As provocative as this argument may appear, it is very hard to dismiss, given the statistical data we find everyday in our press.
The
conservative readers will most probably state other reasons for why marriages
fail and will raise points such as lack of understanding and communication, low
tolerance, career over marriage, interference of parents or in laws, mental
instability, abuse and the list goes on. It is a fact that living with someone is not easy.
I am yet again quoting another married friend. The fact of the matter remains
that we are struggling harder to keep our marriages alive and this is the
question which all of us ask; why is it so much harder for us than it was for
our parents or grandparents?
Access
to more information, education and overall exposure has played a very large
role in this debate. We demand a lot more than before and in this process of
self enrichment have made it all about ourselves. We have become more self
centered, selfish and really just kept the self part, forgetting that a marriage
is about two people. It's not about being compatible, it's actually about
dealing with your incompatibilities .
Barack
Obama, Audacity of Hope 2006 stated 'marriage education workshops can make a
real difference in helping married couples stay together and encouraging
unmarried couples who are living together to form a more lasting bond.' What strikes me here are the
words marriage education. So
difficult has it become to live with each other that we need to be taught how
to do it?
I agree
that marriage counselling is beneficial to many but really not to all. I think
the pressures of being in a marriage and what is expected of you as a spouse or
as a parent are what make you want to run away from it, rather than enjoy the
experience. Has society created what they think is the perfect recipe to a
marriage and are we all just constantly trying to provide the
ingredients?
Khalil
Gibran a personal favourite of mine, says in the Prophet about marriage; love one another but make not a
bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls...
give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf... Give your
hearts, but not into each other's keeping....and stand together, yet not too
near together. In simple
terms this translates to: grow with your spouse but don't lose yourself in the
process.
I
firmly advocate the institution of marriage but I also believe we all have a
past and our origins as human beings encourage us to be unique - homo (one) sapien. If you are unique, so is your
partner and you must mutually complement each other not mutually exclude. To be
in a relationship means to learn from each other and as Rocky said "I got gaps, you got gaps. We
fill each others gaps"
Monday 20 February 2012
0 to 21
One up, one down
A new hope
is found
Miles ahead
I see a future
Yet now it feels like sheer torture
I could
stop
Do it later
Perhaps
I’ll think a little straighter
It was
happening again
The
barriers were in, jailing my mind
Crippling
me blind
Go away, these roads are mine
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
I need my
throne
I want to
be free, just let me run
All I want
is to have some fun
Five k
later, I do feel warmer
Puffs of
humid smog inhale
Warm clouds
of vapour exhale
Controlling
my breath
Caressing
the sun
My legs
feel lighter
I welcome the fighter
Don’t run
too fast
You could
end up last
Don’t
crash, don’t burn
Don’t
speed, it's not your turn
Ten k
later, my glass half full
Beads of
sweat
Oh sweet
nectar of merit
My gears
have shifted
I’m feeling
some strain
A little
pain
Restore
your energies
Refuel your
mind
Respond to
your body
Enrich your
spirit
Be gentle,
be kind
Fifteen k
later, five to go
Rock and
roll baby
Power and
glory
Arms and
legs in sync with my mind
A spiritual
transcendence
A
harmonious ride
The final
stretch
My limits
outstretched
Agony flows
through my veins
I’ve lost
myself, I’m going insane
Swelling
fingers
Burning
blisters
Elastic
muscles clamping in
Delirious
needles torment from within
Don’t stop
No run, no
walk, just jog
Last k,
adrenalin kicks in
How far I
have come, it’s just sunk in
Two months
of training
Relentless
running
Each k
tells a story
This last
one leads to glory
Saturday 28 January 2012
The Sandwich Generation
When I asked my six year old son what was the first thing that came to his mind when he was asked about Mama and Papa, he answered “you both remind me of Santa Claus and Mrs Claus.” I was curious to know why he had made this association, to which he responded “Santa Claus makes all the children happy, if they behave well and he is kind to all the children too. Papa and you always ask me to behave myself and make the bad go away too.”
A smart and honest answer from such a young child, which introduces the subject I want to cover; being a good parent and sometimes parenting your own parent. It’s vital to understand the importance of a parent in any child’s life. It is said that a parent lays the foundation for his child and good parenting can have several benefits on the child. Amongst these are the physical (good health as an adult), mental – (academic success) and emotional (better social skills). A role therefore which is irreplaceable and which cannot be taken over by anyone else.
However, as a child grows up and seeks an independent life, they find themselves talking less to their parents on a regular basis. This is normal, as they want to find their own path and make adult choices. One probably ends up speaking more to their friends than their own parents, thinking the friends are more on their “wavelength”. Indeed this is often true, but we do forget that what your parents do have and peers don’t is wisdom and experience. What good is knowledge if one doesn’t have the wisdom to apply it intelligently?
Khalil Gibran (The Prophet) said about children you may offer them your love, but not your thoughts- they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies, but not their souls…” A good parent will never chain you up and impede you from success. They will guide you if need be, they will accept you in the worst of your moments and above all they will give you their honest opinion about anything you ask them about.
So it is pretty clear how important good parenting can be, and once the child grows up this parenting doesn’t actually stop, it takes a subtly different direction. The child is no longer as physically or emotionally dependent on his parents, but his parents are getting older and thus develop a dependency on their child instead. A role reversal takes place here and this is commonly known as parenting your own parent.
This does seem obvious as we talk about it, a normal cycle of life. If you are older, then clearly your parents are getting even older. However, with the growing life expectancies and more health ailments to accompany, what we are facing now is not only are you taking care of your own parents, but also of your own young children. This phenomenon is referred to as the sandwich generation. Are you part of this generation? A lot of us can probably identify with this, and I particularly want to pinpoint a group, which I am a part of.
As an Indian born in Spain, I was raised under strong Indian values where it was made clear to me that once I got married, my in laws would become my parents and their welfare would be my responsibility. These ties are stronger in families where the daughter in law actually shares the same roof as her husband’s parents. At the same time, growing up in more urban and modern circumstances, I also believe my own parents continue to be my responsibility. Many young Indians share a situation like mine across the world, even in modern India. I dare to call this a double decker sandwich generation. As amusing as this may sound, this is actually a rather daunting feeling and more often than usual it hits you without warning. One fine day you will find yourself holding your parents hand when crossing the road and not vice versa, or you will see yourself repeating the same thing to them three or four times and not vice versa.
This change can often be emotionally taxing on you as well as your nuclear family, sometimes even straining your marriage.
There are several ways to handle such a situation. First and most important is acceptance. To liberate you from the emotional baggage it is often easier to see your ageing parents as fellow adults. You will handle everything more objectively if you change your mental chip.
Secondly you must develop open communication with your parents. I stress communication because with age, the only thing an old person wants from you is your time and regular conversation. No amounts of medication or therapy will alleviate a sick parent more than your loving words and genuine interest in their lives.
Make your young children spend time with their grandparents. This has two positive effects; a bond is created between the two and your ageing parents are able to relive their youth through these young children and exercise their memory as they are given the opportunity to explore their achievements and peaks in their lives as they watch these kids grow.
Appreciate your parents and demonstrate this by saying a simple thank you. You would do it for your boyfriend and even your friend, but it is more important to say this to your parents as they are at a point in their lives where insecurity is breeding and even they are realising that they are becoming dependant on you.
All of the above will only work if you on a personal level are feeling positive and are able to send out good vibrations to your parents. Therefore, take care of yourself and do all things you need to do to stay healthy and happy. Your thoughts will often be negative when you feel sandwiched, so you must handle these thoughts by applying knowledge to the situation. Read and learn about their illness or condition, this will enable you to walk towards the solutions more smoothly.
So far we have covered good parenting and the importance of this on your children, how do handle being a parent to your own parents and how to balance both these roles in a double decker sandwich.
As with all the situations I confront in life, I like to see the dilemma from a spiritual point of view as well, as I feel this provides me the added strength or mojo to handle the situations.
In this case I see a clear pattern, which repeats itself from generation to generation. Your parents give birth to you and raise you in the best way possible, providing you with only the best. In return you must give back what you have received when it is their turn to take it back. This is why a child and an old person need exactly the same thing, love and your time. So, whatever goes around comes around too. If you give to your children, they will give it right back to you. What you shall sow, you will reap. These are the simple laws of spirituality!
In other words, the seed is sown the minute a child is born and how you choose to weave the threads of this child’s future is entirely in your hands. The results of your weaving are mirrored by how well your child takes care of you in old age.
I agree there are many other factors, which are not in anyone’s hands, like geographical positioning, financial constraints, health issues from both sides etc. However, the one thing, which can always remain constant or even grow with time, is love for one another. When we love our parents, all obstacles seem ordinary and we are able to overcome them. Your parents also went through the same obstacles, if not more and you turned fine didn’t you?
Remember your own kids have new hopes ahead of them, your elders lived their life, provided for you and leave behind footprints of themselves – YOU!
Monday 23 January 2012
Papa...Mama
As a baby you cradled me in your arms
Never letting go
You fed me, you bathed me
You even took aches to soothe me
I would often weep
But you always found a way to put me to sleep
I took my first steps holding your hand
Even if I fell, you would help me stand
I bumped my head
“It’s going to be okay” you always said
As a teenager you taught me to think
To think and make a choice
Quite often I’d raise my voice
You saw me make mistakes
You even saw me fail
But you never lost track of my trail
You yelled
I further rebelled
I thought you were against me like rivals in a game
You proved me wrong
And this made me more strong
You taught me how to aim high
Insisted I could touch the sky
You always had faith in me
Saw in me what I could never see
As an adult you’ve supported my decisions
Always moulded yourself to my visions
You’ve given me my space
And invaded it when it’s been the case
But always let me go at my own pace
I may be all grown up now
But I still make mistakes
I seek for your advice
You are here, that always feels nice
We’ve never hugged so much
Or said the three words as such
I sometimes appear not to be there
But you continue to show that you care
There’s still plenty we disagree on
But the important we agree upon
If I’m breaking down or crashing in
I always turn to you, you forgive my sin
When no one is there to understand
It’s you I turn to, always there to hold my hand
You’ve made me who I am
I can say I am your number one fan
You’ve given me my face
One I would never replace
You’ve educated me
To see right from wrong
Stand alone and be strong
Thursday 12 January 2012
The Hand
Hold my hand , let me show you the way
Tell me you are here to stay
Let's breathe the same air
Hum the same tune
Ride the high dunes
Heart to heart follow the same beat
Don't be scared, trust me now
I'm here with you
Can you be with me too?
Cry to me, I 'll wipe your tears
Embrace me hard, I'll erase your fears
I'll pick you up if you have to fall
Offer you healing when you're in pain
Colour your sorrows and wash the blues
Take my hand and follow me through
Catch my words and listen to me
Unleash your heart and feelings within
I'll guard your secrets, so deep inside
Come with me, let's go and hide
We can share our hopes
Combine our strengths
Spread our wings and guide each other
Look into my eyes and search for the light
I'll tell you the truth, when others may lie
Let's walk
Let's just talk
Move with me
Let's skip
Let's dance
Come on, let's give this a chance
Examine yourself
Observe your reflection
Go beyond the frills
Let the layers unveil and observe your inner self
A warm hand holds your shadow
This hand shields your aura
Seize the hand
Hold my hand
I won't let go, I promise someday you'll understand
Tell me you are here to stay
Let's breathe the same air
Hum the same tune
Ride the high dunes
Heart to heart follow the same beat
Don't be scared, trust me now
I'm here with you
Can you be with me too?
Cry to me, I 'll wipe your tears
Embrace me hard, I'll erase your fears
I'll pick you up if you have to fall
Offer you healing when you're in pain
Colour your sorrows and wash the blues
Take my hand and follow me through
Catch my words and listen to me
Unleash your heart and feelings within
I'll guard your secrets, so deep inside
Come with me, let's go and hide
We can share our hopes
Combine our strengths
Spread our wings and guide each other
Look into my eyes and search for the light
I'll tell you the truth, when others may lie
Let's walk
Let's just talk
Move with me
Let's skip
Let's dance
Come on, let's give this a chance
Examine yourself
Observe your reflection
Go beyond the frills
Let the layers unveil and observe your inner self
A warm hand holds your shadow
This hand shields your aura
Seize the hand
Hold my hand
I won't let go, I promise someday you'll understand
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