39 weeks and 5 days

Fed up is frankly what I was at this point! The past few weeks had felt like climbing a really steep mountain, carrying a suitcase of around 10 kilos. I no longer even felt remotely beautiful looking at myself in the mirror. Was my face changing? I understood how my body had changed, well that was an understatement actually... it had over gone a metamorphosis in the last 5 months or so. Bloody hormones! Who invented you and who gave you the right to play on my mood, my body and now even my face? Blotchy, bloated, breasts my back could no longer carry and just generally a horrible bitch is what I had turned into.

Just another evening, getting ready for bed. Now you could say that getting ready for bed was more like getting ready for my daily battle of wanting to sleep without having an oversized water melon obstructing my sleep positions. Why did my mother not teach me how to sleep facing up? Now really it was all her fault, as blaming someone always makes me feel better. Not to mention the frequent trips to the loo. My bladder had been misbehaving for about 4 months, how can I blame the poor thing, with all the pressure it received... well the only outlet of her stress was whining to me about it. The most fierce soldier in my nocturnal battle was but of course the kick boxing queen. A daytime dormant, who partied at night.

"Good night sweetheart" he said giving me a kiss on the lips. Except we both knew it would be another bad night for me! Ice cream, chocolate, biscuits are what came to my mind. How can one possibly feel hungry ALL the time for Christ sake? I was not like this the first time. Well, I had crossed the point of caring anymore. One more kilo up or down, who cares? I manoeuvred myself out of bed and waddled down to the kitchen. Opening the freezer was one of those treats I gave myself these days, the cold air made me feel better and forget the inhumane heat I was having to deal with in this lovely month of July.

White Magnum cried out to me, take me please take me now. The emotional blackmail was far too potent to refuse and my maternal instinct could not bear to see it sitting there alone. 2 Magnums later I felt it was a good time to head back to bed. Chocolate really does release some mad endorphins in women, and in my case I am pretty sure mixed with the levels of hCG Human Chorionic Gonadrotopin (otherwise known as the pregnancy hormone) created a lethal mix of happiness, followed by an absolute melancholic state of mind.

05.13 am. My stomach starts to harden up. Hello to lady of the night! You have decided to make a late entry today. Except the hardening followed by a cramp in my lower pelvis, which then led to a sharp pain that I can only best describe as 100 women’s stilettos stepping all over my abdomen. Sounds fun doesn't it? Something told me this was finally the end of a saga and the start of new beginnings. I’m so glad I had been to the beauty salon that afternoon! Fat but glamorous was the key!

Pizza

Inspired by some serious pizza lovers... this is for you. 

A slice to start with
Becomes a vice as you bite into it
A pleasure so simple
Yet plunges deep on your pallet

A hearty brew of olive oil tomato sauce paints the canvas
Slithers of bubbling cheese make textured waves on the crusty base
Neatly placed slices of pepperoni sweat their oil
Sprinkles of oregano infuse into the potpourri of ingredients, alluring you into your first bite

It's piping hot but you want to teeth into it
As you near it towards your mouth
An aroma wraps you silly, sending a delirious thrill through your veins
Ravenous, famished is how you suddenly feel
Eat your heart out
Do it quick

A crunchy crisp sensation envelops your taste buds
coupled with some smooth mozarella and spicy chorizo mélange
Uff, can I be hitting a series of emotions in ascending order of forcefulness?

Each bite translates to more pleasure
A little chilled white washes down the lingering flavours
Inviting more to come
Soak into another bite

Deep pan or paper thin
Diavola or Margarita
A meat feast with extra this and extra that
Bell peppers with garden greens
Shredded zucchini and caramel onions
Choose your topping, anything works

Garlic, paprika, fresh basil too
A dash of Tabasco, hot and fiery works for me too

I heart my pizza
I love my pizza
A pleasure so simple
Plunges so deep

Short and sweet

It is often the silence of a person that gives us our most important answers in life. Those that speak little or express less are those that feel the most. This is because they control, they resist, they digest and above all they listen. If one does not speak, it does not mean that they are deaf.

"Yes, no, sure, wow, ok, really, how come, definitely".... such classic clicheéd replies from a Man of few words. Have you ever stopped to think how powerful these replies are? They are short but affirmative! We need to realise that less is more and more of the same just causes confusion. 

When you are alone and not talking to anyone, you partake in what one calls a thinking process. This moment of thinking is often the time when you find a solution to many questions that have been on your mind. So effectively you do not speak and allow your full focuss on the mind. The brain is overcharged with processing information and if to add to that you start to speak too, how is one supposed to concentrate on thinking and speaking at the same time and ultimately produce sound solutions?

I conclude from all this that it is important to spend time alone and simply think, it is also important to not talk once in a while and let the mind talk instead and above all it is crucial to sometimes regard a short answer as more important than a long winded one which may often confuse you and in turn lead you to misinterpret the other person.

Words that gripped me

This belongs not to me, however I felt captivated by this brief, yet powerful paragraph.

Hidden inside the veil unbroken
Lies my soul still unspoken
Countless words still unsaid
Many thoughts still not expressed
While walking on the road of life
......I wait for my soul to be discovered
Author- Unknown

Hush-Hush

Are we addicted to each other?
Or simply devoted?
Perhaps both, sometimes a little too sugar coated

Yesterday, today, tomorrow
A day without, produces sorrow
Remedy I can give it
A shot of you is what cures it

I am scared
Scared this is not right
Control yourself
Balance it out
Too much in excess
Withdrawal symptoms
Crying shivers, screams for detox

You do it again
Two days of lent
A little sacrifice
I'm learning to walk
You pull me back in your arms
Embrace me, drug me numb

But I like this too
Why should I detach
"A life half lived is not worth living"
You free me and cage me
You love me and I hate myself
You tease me, I please you
Go away, no don't
Stay awhile
Five more minutes, then turn the lights out

Eyes are closing
But you are still there
Undress me with your eyes
Stop it, no don't
Sedate me with your poison
Cripple me with your charm


Wake me up, no don't
Let the tickle linger on

A lie is what this is
Or truth simply holding back
I want you, do you?
One night
One fight
Just hold me tight
I'm in control, no I'm not
I'll get over it
One day, some day
I know I will

When did this happen?
Overnight, overtime, over who cares?
It's taken over me, over you too
Please leave me, no don't
No one knows, no one has to
Hush-Hush ...

Girl

I like a girl, she's so beautiful
I like her so much
I wish I could just reach out
and touch
but we know that would be a bit too much

I do though
I touch her shadow when she walks
in front of me
If only she could see
see how i feel about her

I do know she sees me
as the guy who she can talk to
talk about what she can't tell him
She sees him when she talks to me
I see her even when she doesn't see me

Interesting what she tells me
"But why can't he feel that way about me?"
 I wish I was him

I like a girl
the same girl who leans on me
to cry when she is sad
I hug her truly
Madly deeply
She hugs me too
"But why does he not talk to me?"
Can't you see I want to listen to you?

I like a girl
Her favourite colour is pink
Cheeks stained pink from all the crying
"But why does he not say anything about my new dress?"
I chose the dress with you
Can't you wear it only once ... for me

I like a girl
She makes me laugh with her silly stories
"But why does he laugh like that when he sees me, does he find me funny?"
Can't you see that I can laugh with you
He just laughs at you

Stay with me girl
Stay now
Stay forever
I will notice you
I will feel "that way" about you
Talk to you and laugh with you
"But do you think I should tell him, would you do the same?"
Would I?

Relationships - Biggest Wealth

In our lives, we encounter various types of relationships with all kinds of people. You are born mostly with the fortune of having both sets of parents, sometimes grandparents too and later on in life this surplus of relationships increases with siblings, extended family, friends and one day you may even find a life partner. In all of this there is one key component which most of us often take for granted with these relationships. - Expectations

With some of these relationships you expect more and with others you expect less. However, when these expectations are not met, you find yourself in the situation of disappointment. We bitch, we moan and we often dig the problem so deep that the hole becomes larger than life. You see, expectations are in eye of the beholder. Do you see the problem? Genetically humans are not engineered to predict or foresee what the other person wants from them. Few of us are lucky and rely on the probability theory of intuition. This myth sometimes works for some people and I call that a lucky day gambling with emotions. Men in most cases are hideously incapable of guessing what women’s expectations are. However, they are logical and far more direct when it comes to understanding the point if this is clearly communicated to them. Women have an emotional Everest in their cranium which makes them dysfunctional towards verbally communicating their needs towards man or woman and often they hear or see what they want to believe in. So the bottom line here is a void of communication. This can occur between partners, parents, siblings and even between friends. 

We are victims of our own actions! If you do not communicate your needs with your relationships, this creates a misunderstanding and more often than usual you start to form negative opinions about a person and ultimately the bomb blasts and you say things which really you could have avoided and were fiercely unnecessary. When we have negative thoughts in our minds, we are creating karma. When we emote such thoughts towards another person you are also creating karma. When we take action on those thoughts and bitch about  a person to their face or behind their back you are also creating karma. Ultimately there is no good that comes from having bitter sour feelings towards anyone in life! 

So really where does the answer lie? Your needs have to be expressed and only then will this vicious circle of expectations end. You may discuss what you need and will often find that these needs are far more realistic than the preposterous expectations you had festering in your head.

You open up a channel of communication with the other person and thus avoid misunderstanding their motives, which in turn lead towards a grey free area of possible doubts and ultimately prevent karma from taking place. 

I stress the notion of karma because I have observed in life when we have happy thoughts for other people, even those that may have caused us pain or discomfort, this keeps us in tune with the values which we have been brought up with, makes us happier individuals and makes us more compassionate towards others. I am not saying that we must embrace these bad people in our lives, but we must create empathy towards all situations and try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Why did they do that? Would I have possibly done the same thing? If you are pro active towards a consequence, this prepares you for a situation in the future. 

In 2010 I made some promises to myself and decided to filter and permeate my treasure chest of relationships. I realised that not all those in this chest were precious stones which enriched me in the way which I had hoped they would. It was a detoxifying cleansing ritual which was hard and painful. However the benefits of this filtering process not only de-burdened me but also allowed me to welcome new relationships into my life. In all of this I did remember one thing and that was to not create bad feelings towards these losses, rather to set them free and allow them to seek a treasure chest elsewhere. Perhaps they were a misfit in my life and I was no one to judge them for their actions. 

A year later I have lived some experiences which have left me pleasantly surprised and also reminded me of how karma really does work and my faith in it is further strengthened! I have also consciously been exercising my communication skills with my relationships and have discovered that it eliminates doubts, makes me see the truth and not the distorted truth that my wild imagination sometimes allures me into. These small changes in my life have benefited me in huge ways that translate to simple love. I love my family, I love my friends and I love the simple pleasures in life which we often disregard behind all the paraphernalia that adorns our complicated lives. 

Communicate your needs and think good for everyone. I dedicate this to my children, who inspired me to write this piece. They are budding examples of individuals who tell me what they want and only see positive things in all the people that surround them. In my eyes children are the happiest humans!