"The greatest mistake we often make in our relations, we listen half, understand quarter, think zero and react double."
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you just want to know why that person did what they did? We encounter everyday situations where our interaction with people is fundamental towards a harmonious and peaceful life. The people that often cause us maximum damage are sadly those closest to us. This is not because they intend to be mean to you or vice versa, it's simply because we often take their behaviour for granted and when suddenly these individuals say or don't say something we initially feel shock, followed by anger and ultimately pain.
A common solution to this problem is to talk! Agreed it is good to talk, but the key to successful talking is to do it at the right time. If one reacts immediately to a situation, often they will play the victim and emote negative energies and project a violent verbal or physical approach towards the problem. This automatically ecncourages the receiving end to either block off and build a wall of defense or simply judge you for your words and not understand why you have reacted in this way. So, really the problem has not been solved, but only gotten worse.
Why do we do this? Well I like to think there is no right answer to this question, but there are two angles from which we can help ourselves to understand this a little better. One is the scientific / logical approach and second the spiritual approach.
We all loosely fall into four different categories as people. These are preferences which your personality opts for by default in a given situation. The first preference is a choice between an extroversian or an introversian. There is no "right" category as each one represents a set of characteristics which complement the overall personality of an idividual. If you are an "E" type, you generally talk to other people and listen to what someone is saying. If you are an "I" type, you prefer to think about what to say or do and can be a great listener for an "E" type. You basically define the direction of your daily actions either internally or externally.
Seondly, there is sensing and intuition. These are methods by which we collect our information. E.g. Do you follow a plan step by step (sensing) or do you come up with new ways to carry out things (intuitive). We all need data to work with, but the sensing method grasps data in a literal and more concrete manner, whereas the intuitive method assimilates more abstract possibilities from data already gathered. Again, we all use both methods in our lives, but in differing degrees of priority and comfort.
Thirdly, there is the criteria of thinking and feeling. When we are thinking, we can research into a product and base our purchasing decision on the product which best meets our needs. If we are feeling, we may just decide to buy a product because we like it. A thinker will always do the "right thing" even if they may not want to. A person in feeling mode will probably not tell somebody something, with the fear of upsetting them. Most decisions we make involve both feeling and thinking , but sometimes the harder decisions are those where one mode collides with another. In this event, the more dominant preference will take over and thus distinguishes one individual from another.
The last set of preferences are judging and perceiving. These latter ones determine our response to the external world and how we live our routine life. Those that like to be neat, orderly and finish off a task before starting another are of the judging kind. Perceivers like to be spontaneous and postpone things to see what other options are available. A challenge often arises when humans with a strong judging precedence have to deal with with those that have strong perceiving preferences. E.g. a lastminute holiday can appeal to some, but not to others. In couples it has been seen that a mixture of both these characteristics can be quite complementary, provided each one has accepted each others differences!
So after understanding the different preferences which give shape and enrich the personality of an individual, we can see that it can appear quite complex and intricate. In actual fact, it's not such a rigid framework where a person can be black or white. We all possess these characteristics within us, but in varying degrees. The truth is, in times of stress and pressure, the more dominating preference prevails and thus we react accordingly in a situation. Pressure can be different for each person too. E.g. being on stage in front of hundreds of people can result stressful for many, but quite comfortable and mundane for others.
Therefore, the correct procedure should be to eliminate stress and pressure from this mathematical equation, to enable all our preferences to work efficiently and thus help us to make an informed decision. As simple as this may sound, it is the toughest task for most human beings to work objectively under pressure.
From a spiritual point of view, the message is quite simple too. One needs to have control over their mind to perform at optimum levels. This control is achieved by disciplining the mind and detaching your thoughts from the outside world, otherwise known as meditation. Meditation is a powerful exercise which takes years of practice and even then one is not always able to focus entirely well.
The ultimate goal however is to be able to react objectively and with patience to any given situation. In both instances, scientific or spiritual, the common factor is the right moment to voice your thoughts.. You can deliver the same message and eliminate a tone of anger, a feeling of judgement and successfully make the other person listen and not just hear what you are saying.
In life it is important to never take any decisions when you are in an angered state of mind, you should never make promises when elated or happy and above all don't fall in love when you have not learnt to love yourself first! What is synonymous of these examples is the state of the mind, which is not balanced. Being too upset or too happy can derail our analysis and decision, and later on it may be too late to fix it!
Put yourself in the shoes of another person, breathe their air and absorb their traumas by utilising your dormant preferences. After you have prepared your mind, only then is it the right moment to take action.
