A Gift In Disguise

Getting a surprise is supposed to be a good thing, or at least when it is a positive one you usually experience profound happiness. Negative ones on the other hand are bitter to digest and most definitely hard to accept. Life is full of such surprises and most of the time we humans panic when in a new unforeseen situation.

I recently discovered pretty much from one day to another that the skin on my face is actually normal to greasy, after having dry to very dry skin for pretty much my whole life. My dermatologist broke this news to me and welcomed me to the world of a new skin type. You are probably wondering why I am sharing my skin changes with you. Well to be honest this discovery may seem ordinary to those who have normal /greasy skin but if you have dry skin, it changes a lot in your life. One not only has to buy a new skin care range, one wakes up a different person, feeling different and knowing this is a change that just has to be accepted.

This was my innocent introduction to what I am about to explain to you now. I’ve always toyed with the idea of what it would be like to have a third child in my life. I brush it off lightly, mainly because I am aware of the repercussions it would have on my life and the HUGE changes it would bring to my currently stable and peaceful life. I am happy having two children and although my husband and I joke about this often, we both know deep down that a third would disrupt us for few more years. This interlude of a few years is probably what we are both not ready to embrace.

Now imagine being handed over a child without prior warning, without a nine-month pregnancy in between and most definitely without any preparation time to welcome this child. I suddenly sound like a scene from Three Men and a Baby.

This was slightly different, and had some bitter undertones to it too. We recently discovered that my husband’s mother had to undergo a bypass surgery. For me any type of surgery had always been a very big deal, and this was without a doubt the mother of surgeries.  My journey of what was to be a life changing experience started when I was the one who received the official diagnosis from the cardiologist. 

In a situation of this kind one usually goes through a cycle of emotions. I went through my own cycle too. Initially I felt numb, followed by shock, followed by sadness, followed by fear, followed by denial, followed by acceptance and last of all followed by faith.

   

My husband has two other brothers and they are also married. We are a close-knit family and all big decisions are made together. This was a comforting feeling, knowing everyone was in it together. What distinguished me from them in this whole situation was that I live with my mother in law. I agree they must’ve also felt very sad, especially her sons and the feelings all of us have towards her are equally strong. Nevertheless one cannot deny that the proximity one feels towards a person who lives with them is very different.

I remember addressing this anxiety with my husband, not knowing what would happen once mum would come home and how would we take the best care of her. I realised at this point that God was sending me a third child. I was clearly chosen for this role, and I could not say no. Why was I chosen for this, I knew I was not capable of having three?  A dear friend of mine had always joked with me that he is my third child and remembering his words made me smile. Perhaps I truly was ready to have three!

As we grow older and mature, we do accept changes in life in a better spirit and tell ourselves there must be a reason for all these surprises. However, the reason may not always become clear and sometimes you should just not even look for the reason. Accept and move on.

In my case I did accept, I challenged my own capabilities and taught myself so many new things that I had never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be doing. Was I better prepared than perhaps my sister in laws for the job of the best caretaker? I actually don’t think I was. However, all along I told myself I have been chosen for this role and although I am far from being the best cook, the best nurse, the best psychological counselor or even at the right age to impart any real experience in this field. All odds did seem against me, but I continued to struggle and self teach myself.

Mum has been home for over two weeks now and is progressing very well in her recovery. I see in her the third child in many ways, because I have taken care of her from the minute she stepped back in her house. As with a child one pays close attention to their food timings, creating an environment which is comfortable, helping them to get up and walk, giving them the medication on time and watching them wake up and sleep, I have done the very same.

Like with a new child you experience teething problems, well I faced these too and often felt so helpless too. I went through highs and lows, just the same way one does after giving birth to a child. The highs were seen when she started feeling more hungry, when she would be able to walk for longer than 20 minutes or when she would smile after I promised her an aloo paratha for lunch, provided she would follow it with a long walk.

It’s been a gratifying journey and all along I have continued to wonder why was I the chosen one.

Last weekend we had a friend over to meet her and she revealed in passing conversation as to why I was the chosen one. She told me it was gift I had been granted by Him for my good karmas. I was confused and asked her how she felt this was a gift? She told me the best gift one can receive is the opportunity to perform seva - "selfless service", work or service performed without any thought of reward or personal benefit. (Wikipedia).

Usually people perform seva outside their homes, either in temples, charities or even just by doing community service. I was performing seva in my own home and for my own mother in law. I researched into this further and discovered that the Guru Granth Sahib states: One who performs selfless service, without thought of reward, shall attain his Lord and Master." The Guru states that one who performs selfless service without desire for reward will certainly attain liberation. The need to be "desire-less" ("nehkaami") is critical in making this action fruitful. When one does Seva, one should just do it without any thought for a return - think of it as a duty to the society.

I can confess that these past two weeks have indeed been liberating and I have felt a strange sense of peace within me. I was quite dumbfounded by my friend’s words and smiled to myself.

In life we often face surprises, changes, obstacles and plenty of tests. We all know there is a reason for these occurrences but few of us figure out why it happens. I feel happy to not only have figured out why I was given this test but I feel blessed to have been given this gift of seva, which was His way of rewarding me for my karmas. Whether or not this theory makes sense, I do think it helps to face the test better, when you know it’s a rewarding experience.