39 weeks and 5 days

Fed up is frankly what I was at this point! The past few weeks had felt like climbing a really steep mountain, carrying a suitcase of around 10 kilos. I no longer even felt remotely beautiful looking at myself in the mirror. Was my face changing? I understood how my body had changed, well that was an understatement actually... it had over gone a metamorphosis in the last 5 months or so. Bloody hormones! Who invented you and who gave you the right to play on my mood, my body and now even my face? Blotchy, bloated, breasts my back could no longer carry and just generally a horrible bitch is what I had turned into.

Just another evening, getting ready for bed. Now you could say that getting ready for bed was more like getting ready for my daily battle of wanting to sleep without having an oversized water melon obstructing my sleep positions. Why did my mother not teach me how to sleep facing up? Now really it was all her fault, as blaming someone always makes me feel better. Not to mention the frequent trips to the loo. My bladder had been misbehaving for about 4 months, how can I blame the poor thing, with all the pressure it received... well the only outlet of her stress was whining to me about it. The most fierce soldier in my nocturnal battle was but of course the kick boxing queen. A daytime dormant, who partied at night.

"Good night sweetheart" he said giving me a kiss on the lips. Except we both knew it would be another bad night for me! Ice cream, chocolate, biscuits are what came to my mind. How can one possibly feel hungry ALL the time for Christ sake? I was not like this the first time. Well, I had crossed the point of caring anymore. One more kilo up or down, who cares? I manoeuvred myself out of bed and waddled down to the kitchen. Opening the freezer was one of those treats I gave myself these days, the cold air made me feel better and forget the inhumane heat I was having to deal with in this lovely month of July.

White Magnum cried out to me, take me please take me now. The emotional blackmail was far too potent to refuse and my maternal instinct could not bear to see it sitting there alone. 2 Magnums later I felt it was a good time to head back to bed. Chocolate really does release some mad endorphins in women, and in my case I am pretty sure mixed with the levels of hCG Human Chorionic Gonadrotopin (otherwise known as the pregnancy hormone) created a lethal mix of happiness, followed by an absolute melancholic state of mind.

05.13 am. My stomach starts to harden up. Hello to lady of the night! You have decided to make a late entry today. Except the hardening followed by a cramp in my lower pelvis, which then led to a sharp pain that I can only best describe as 100 women’s stilettos stepping all over my abdomen. Sounds fun doesn't it? Something told me this was finally the end of a saga and the start of new beginnings. I’m so glad I had been to the beauty salon that afternoon! Fat but glamorous was the key!