Random Kindness: The New Sexy

As basic moral education our parents always told us to just be nice to others and not harm anyone. We continue to instill this in our own children. I believe it’s a simple concept of human behavior that adds only benefits to our lives. Ever wondered why is it important to be nice to others? I mean obviously it brings out the better human being in you, the recipient feels good and in the end both are happy. Sounds pretty simple doesn’t it?

Did you know that a random act of kindness from you has the power to multiply and have a ripple effect on many others?

I will use the example of my 1€ coin. I found a 1€ coin on the road once. I picked it up and kept it for a suitable purpose. In a few days I was inside a parking lot and in a queue behind someone who was struggling to find change for the machine. The credit card option had been disabled and they didn’t have enough spare change to cover the full charge. I decided to give them my 1€ coin as I felt this was a suitable moment. He smiled and thanked me, telling me how I had saved his life. I felt pleased I was able to help someone. Shortly afterwards I was driving up to the exit of the parking lot and as I approached the barrier, there was a man standing there who was giving away free 2€ discount vouchers for the parking lot, for the next time we parked there and it would be discounted off our total. I was pleasantly surprised and accepted the voucher with a smile on my face. I had no expectations of this reward but it was a great feeling, albeit so small.  Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. -- Scott Adams

The example I gave was just between myself and another individual. However, the person who received my kindness had a higher probability of performing an act of kindness, simply because he felt good and wanted to share the same feeling. Our kids do this everyday and so effortlessly, and this is a reason why they are happy and do not know the terms jealousy, selfishness and ego.

A random act of kindness can be very fruitful to our wellbeing. It releases us from self-obsession and prevents us from entering into isolation. Can you honestly imagine what a world would be where you simply addressed your own needs and ignored everyone else? Miserable I would think!

Unfortunately in the society we live in today, there is a secondary problem, which often stops us or makes us paranoid to generosity from strangers. We feel doubts, insecure due to our own insecurities, lack of self-esteem and question the other person’s intentions. This is very sad, but true. I will give you an example where my mother once helped a man on the street who claimed he had had his wallet stolen and had no money to get back home. He was well dressed in a suit, groomed and even had a mobile phone. His story seemed genuine and mum decided to give him some money for a cab ride home. He had promised to call her and return the money the next day, even giving her his own number. We never heard from him again and the number we called was not real. He had staged the whole situation and this clearly made us wary of who is true and who is a fraud? So I do not blame our society for being reluctant when accepting or giving help to strangers.  

Nevertheless, there are plenty of selfless acts which one can perform everyday and believe me these have a domino effect, whereby your one act has sown a seed to encourage others to do the same and this is what is called a rippling effect.

Coming back to questioning the random act of kindness, let’s rephrase the whole concept and try to make it sound more appealing to the receiving end. The word random can create distrust and a sense of wariness because if you have pride/ ego this can hinder you from accepting the kindness and oblige you to even think how would you return the favour. Please note in random kindness there is no return involved, but one can try to understand why it is normal to want to return the kindness to the same person.

Instead of using random, let’s use spontaneous. The word spontaneous gives a feel of “in the moment”, “impulsive” and simply sounds like an act where you would NOT expect anything in return.  See the difference?

Now if we take this phrase a notch further and add some appeal to it, making it stand out even more. When you meet a person who is just really nice to you for no apparent reason, well it makes you feel good right? How about feeling good and having fun with this act? So e.g. they not only help you but at the same time have the ability to make you happy in your heart too. Lets call the notion spontaneous kindness is sexy. It’s a game of word swapping but suddenly the basic concept of being nice has been changed to spontaneous kindness is sexy and appears so appealing and fashionable.

In the book To Kill a Mocking Bird there are infinite examples of spontaneous kindness. E.g. when Boo gives Scout a blanket during the fire at Miss Maudie’s house. When Boo fixes Jem’s pants and hangs them on the fence for Jem. A fine character Boo is, he makes fine gestures of affection towards the children but never appears in person in front of them. A perfect example of kindness without expectation. You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. John Bunyan

The benefits of doing something nice are another big reason why we must practice these acts of kindness. It is good for your health because you are happier, you actually feel more confident and free from insecurities because you want to give happiness to others and are not concerned about getting it in return, hence are at peace with your own self. You will be free from this being called ego and actually be yourself.

There is a movement called Pay It Forward. This basically means you do something nice and the person who receives the act of kindness carries it forward and pays it on to the next person. The idea is it carries on and the Pay It Forward (PIF) movement becomes a way of life. A good reason to use this philosophy in life is also because often if someone is kind to us, we are not able to repay that kindness  back to the same person so instead we must simply pay it forward. There are limitless examples of these types of acts. http://www.pifexperience.org/88-ways-to-make-a-stranger-smile/

We have seen such examples of PIF for a long time and one interesting one which I like to refer to is from a Marvel comic "What Price a Life"(1980) - This was a team-up between Spider-Man and The Incredible Hulk, in which Spider-Man helps the Hulk escape from police who mistakenly thought that he was attacking them. Afterwards, they meet in their secret identities, with Peter Parker warning Bruce Banner to leave town because of the Hulk’s seeming attack on police. But Banner is flat broke, and cannot afford even bus fare. So, Parker gives Banner his last $5 bill, saying that someone had given him money when he was down on his luck, and this was how he was repaying that debt. Later, in Chicago, the Hulk confronts muggers who’d just robbed an elderly retired man of his pension money, all the money he had. After corralling the muggers, the Hulk turns towards the victim. The retiree thinks that the Hulk is about to attack him as well, but instead, the Hulk gives him the $5 bill. Turns out that the old man was the same person who’d earlier given a down-on-his-luck Peter Parker a $5 bill. -Wikipedia

Just remember it is absolutely free of cost to be nice to someone, never goes out of fashion and if you spontaneously make someone smile, well this is the most potent, unconditional act of generosity you can offer.  So go out there are offer your seat to someone if there are none free, offer to take a pic of a couple who are trying to take it themselves and so on and so on.

The PIF experience is unique, so let’s all be spontaneously sexy by being kind!

Just Go

You have to go
Just go
So I can let go

I’ve hugged you hard
Despite your guard
I’ve parked my sorrows
But wiped your tears
I’ve fallen right down to the ground
Yet offered to always hold your hand

For you I always did stand

You kept me near
But stayed far and clear
You brought me confusion
I held onto our illusion
You let me down
But your faith was my crown

Now it’s too late
Years of hard work washed by lies
See the quirk of fate
I miss you, sure I do
But you miss me more
I just can’t be there for you
Anymore

Can’t we meet half way?
No damn it
We can’t
You couldn’t even go a step with me
Now I choose to walk away

I will leave you
I have no choice
I will forget you
Because I have to
I will forgive you
To start brand new

You have to go
Just go
So I can let go

Brilliant Minds

A lot of you are familiar with my frequent status updates on Facebook, where I put up snippets from conversations held between my son and daughter, aged 7 and 4 respectively. I know that most of you find these conversations entertaining, humorous and some even tell me how smart or witty these kids are. I thank you all for the feedback and as much as I do find them amusing myself, there is an element of analysis involved in a lot these conversations.

A child has a mind where he is curious and finds a mysterious side to the most mundane things. What we must ensure is to never kill this thirst for the mysterious. We must encourage their minds to explore the world as if it has infinite discoveries and not educate them in a 2D world, rather allow them to enter the 3rd or even 4th dimension. “The world is your oyster” – a phrase we have all heard and used, but very few actually put to use.

Children have this ability to ask you for answers to questions which quite often just don’t have an answer because “it is what it is” and we are left stumped. I will give you an example of my own son. “Does a rainbow come out after the rain because the sun is happy so it is smiling to the world?” A question and an answer in the same sentence!  I can assure you most parents reading this are full of examples, and I urge you to write these down next time. I really do feel in such questions lie the vivid imagination of all children. We must not suppress such questions, it’s important to participate in their fantasies. I actually encourage my son to write stories about his dreams and try to understand why he feels the way he does. 

Is there always a correct answer?

Under the Spanish education system in which our children are being schooled today, there is little concern for what the child is really asking. The fundamental priority is given to inculcating values, rules, a common base where there are fixed answers to the basic questions they ask. I don’t disagree with this approach of course, but perhaps an added bracket needs to be created in the curriculum. This was recently addressed in the 3rd Congress for Brilliant Minds in Madrid. (III Congreso de mentes brillantes). The president of the education institution SEK and Vice President of the Universidad Camilo José Cela – Nieves Segovia concluded that under the current system only the student fails because we only evaluate the student and not the teacher or the system. She called the Spanish system a failed model. 

Segovia clearly emphasised the road to take is one where the student must be given preparation for the uncertain possibilities and not just the certain ones. It’s important to consider the world as a web of connections and the education system must focus not just on a critical thoughts process of the child, but also allow room for a process which involves higher capacities that may otherwise be suppressed; to be interactive, creative and free from boundaries.  

Einstein used to say "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society which honours the servant and has forgotten the gift” This is the gift children have and it is our duty to see the world through their eyes and help them to discover complexities through simplicities. As teachers it is more important to ask their students what they think, rather than tell them what to think.

How are video games and television stunting our children’s 3rd dimension?

I will give you a clear viewpoint on this matter, which will sum up in simple terms my opinion on the subject. "Where possible, it’s important that the games we pick, should not be battery operated or have buttons for that matter. The batteries must be born within the child. It is not the games which must work, it’s the child that has to be activated thanks to the game he plays” Catherine L’Ecuyer 

When you over stimulate a child externally through television or video games, this starts to overshadow the child’s capacity to wonder and suffocates the creativity and self - motivation of the child. In addition it also saturates the child’s basic senses and impedes the child from perceiving the less noisy stimuli. Ultimately, these over stimulated children actually bore easily as they are constantly seeking new stimulus and are addicted to the noise that these new technologies are artificially providing them with. An example would be the perception of a child in seeing an animal on TV and how they see these animals on a real farm. The smell, the feeling and even the visual stimulus is completely jaded for a child who has only ever seen animals through a screen.

Do you think it’s fair that the panda your child identifies with belongs to an animated 3D film and not the panda he can see and probably touch at his local zoo? 

A real life example of a creative genius

I live in Barcelona, so for me our local creative genius has always been Antonio Gaudi.  As a child Gaudi kept very ill health due to his rheumatism, and this disabled him from playing like a normal child. His mother spent long hours with him, taking him for walks in the woods and provided him with endless hours of direct contact with nature. 

As an adult Gaudi recalls nature to be his first window towards wanting to discover the mysteries of life and nature was in fact his inspiration for his masterpiece, the Sagrada Familia. He was able to translate the beauty of the divine and bring it to the streets and ultimately elevate through the skies this wonderful cathedral we all admire and are in complete awe of. Gaudi did not go to day care at the age of 4 months, he did not have toys that spoke to him, nor did he watch Baby Einstein. His guide as a child was his mother and his best friend was the silence in the nature he was subjected to.

The importance of home education

Gaudi spent long hours with his mother, who dedicated her time on him simply teaching him moral values and although these values have little to do with an academic education, the link comes in when a child with high moral values will certainly question the academics far more than a child who has not been allowed to express his needs and wants. If you take this from a business point of view, well we must consider the child as the client and address his needs first, in order to provide him with the correct solution / education, thus enabling him to flourish as an adult. Spiritual education is vital as this also helps the child in deciding whether his creative ideas are tangible and acceptable in a morally sound society. As a parent we must understand that 80% of a child’s moral education is received at home, which means it is imperative we dedicate this time towards them. 

In conclusion I’d like to stress that we all must keep the creative child in ourselves alive because it is far more difficult to generate ideas and then develop conclusions from them, rather than have your ideas set and then look for arguments to defend these ideas. The most successful companies in the world spend millions of dollars on research and development teams, which allows them to think ahead of the market trends and the results are your Apple, Google and Samsung. Need I say more?  

Our children are the best thinkers and have an innate ability to be rational without bias. Let’s allow them to invent and discover to then teach them with discipline. If you have a brilliant mind living at home, let him shine.  

Myday

Some days are not meant for sharing
Monday, Tuesday and then Myday
Tick tock I spend my time alone
Silence cures me
Therapeutic for my bones

Coffee shop corner
Sip the caffeine
Absorb the feeling
The feeling of knowing
I’m thinking, filtering, analysing
Shush! I'm just being

Alone but not lonely
Conversing with myself
Debating with my mind
Patiently quiet I detach
Noise around
Block it out

Turn off the lights
Dark and soothing
Meditation can be so sexy
So alluring

I run alone in the mountains
Trees and leaves
Keep me company
Along with the cool breeze
I feel they talk to me
Sometimes they tease

I like to be in my cloister
Wrapped up cosy in my paraffin wax
I reflect on the cracks
Cracks only I can heal
Only I can feel

Some days are just not meant for sharing
I want to indulge in exile
Please let me be for a while
I’ll surface when I want to
You should try it
If you want to

A Beautiful Mind & A Beautiful Body

I don't want to make this post about what are the best methods to keep fit or to lose weight. I don't feel I am anyone to help a person deal with such issues. However if there is one area in which I am by far the expert, that is giving my own experience which for me has changed my body completely. 

I had noticed in the last 3 years that I had become a slave of the weighing scale and there was always the magic number which I prayed I would find in the mornings. I struggled very hard to reach that number, deep down I knew I would never get there and if I fit into my clothes and looked somewhat presentable then I should be happy with that.  The reason for my struggle was probably related to my childhood chubbiness which had haunted me for a very long time. The year I got married, I do remember feeling like a million dollars, probably because I had found someone who accepted me for the way I looked and loved my face, my curves and the whole package deal. Looking back at my pictures today, I cringe because I really did not look my best in the physical sense. However, I smile because I was glowing and it was a magical time.

So, recently I reflected on my mood. I had not reached my target weight, I felt scared to eat anything which remotely carried more calories than my daily allowance, I was exercising everyday and I was only just fitting into the clothes which I had aspired to fit into. I realised I was making far more sacrifice than reaping benefits from it. The situation didn't seem right! In all this I never uttered a word to anyone and simply sulked to myself. I was obsessed with wanting to fit into this one particular dress which I was supposed to wear for a special occasion in a few weeks time. I had a goal but I was miserable.

Certain events occurred in my life around the same time and they took away the time which I was otherwise investing in my body and a weight loss plan. I had no choice but to ignore my calories, forget the gym and simply focus on these other priorities. 

After about ten days of no dieting and simply eating like a normal person, without performing any exercise, other than my usual running around and mundane chores I noticed one morning that a pair of jeans were loose on me. I didn't believe it at first so I tried on another pair which was usually tight. This pair fit like a glove and I was so excited that I had to show my husband. My immediate thought was to get on the weighing scale. For the first time ever in my life I saw the magic number and I almost fell off the scales. I didn't understand how this had happened. 

The reason this had happened was because I had actually listened to my body. I was being pleaded and begged for years to stop abusing it and start pampering it. As much as this sounds like a contradiction, sometimes you must feed yourself to shed the weight. I admit I had not eaten unhealthily in these past ten days, but the difference was I HAD eaten. Contrary to the past, I had fed myself the same food I feed my family and not worried about an extra chapatti or an added spoon of rice. I was eating and enjoying my food. I was not over eating because I was not obsessed with my food. My meals were a time to relax and not fret over calories. I honestly believe I was allowing my digestive system to work in a relaxed fashion and it didn't feel my pressure or anxiety which had otherwise stressed it in the past. 

This was indeed an awakening and I seriously felt like a million dollars again, but not because I looked good but because I felt good. Coming back to my wedding day, it was far far more important to be emotionally in tune with myself than to be physically in tune. I told my husband about my little secret and he said he had observed a calmer member at the dining table, hoping she was going to stay and not bounce back to her old ways.

It has now been over a month since I made this discovery. The weighing scale reads the same magic number, I fit into all my clothes, I have resumed the gym but I am not obsessed with it. At present I am actually on a fitness break and it doesn't even bother me. I am eating EVERYTHING and I have people who can vouch for that. What I have worked on is to find an equilibrium and a sense of internal tuning. I listen to my body and it responds back. I am nice to it, so it rewards me by being nice back. The rewards can include simple things like sleeping well, not feeling bloated, not feeling starved and more than anything I feel beautiful. 

In life we can spend years doing a yo yo diet, being on a liquid diet, starving, over eating and simply obsessing over a number or a measurement. I will not deny that I don't care about my size, of course I care, but the minute you start caring about your body and not just the naked anatomy, well this is when you can expect a change. We all know what foods are good for us and we even know which fitness plan can benefit us. Nevertheless, we often hammer ourselves with goals and objectives. When you struggle is when your body is crying to you and telling you to stop! Just pay attention and I can guarantee you will be happier, healthier and HOT!!

With a lump in my throat

As the year is coming to an end, I am desperately trying to figure out how to make sense of the senseless country I originate from. I am proud to be an Indian but not one who is from India and has grown up there. I salute my upbringing in Spain, where I have learnt to respect a woman from the minute she helps another woman give birth and plays the role of a mid wife. She is respected when she chooses to look after her parents and gives them priority over her husbands parents. She is respected when she has a right to keep her maiden surname and then pass it on to her children by law. She is respected when addressed as Señora, Señorita or Señora de. She is also respected when she wears a spaghetti strap or needs to wear a burkha at college and her religion is accepted and applauded. She is respected when she gives birth to a third daughter or fourth and with dignity names her after her mother, grandmother or herself. She is respected when she goes through a divorce and is granted automatic custody of her children and compensated by the law. She is also respected when faces domestic violence at home and can pick up the phone and call a free number to report the abuse. She is given a GPS device by the police to carry when faces danger and can be instantly tracked to ensure her safety. I am naming mundane everyday examples which I take for granted in Spain and we are such a small and tiny country compare to Hindustan, mera desh mahaan. It pains me and I feel agony inside my chest when I even think about flying the Indian flag today.

I have not been able to think straight ever since I read about the Delhi gang rape case, but not because it was so brutal, so devastating, so cruel, so monstrous and so disturbing. I have had a lump in my throat because of the way it has been handled. We have all read about the protests that have taken place across the nation, we have all tweeted, facebooked, spread the virals across BBM, WhatsApp and via email too. The media has actively participated in spreading the news across the world, bringing this case to light on the whole planet. But... what has the Indian law done in all this time? The PM, President, CM of Delhi, PC of Delhi and all other powerful politicians, what have they done? I am enraged at the manner in which this whole case has been parceled around by all of them. 

She who will remain anonymous to us by name, fought a battle between life and death from the minute she was attacked on that bus. A bus ride that ultimately took her life and all she ever wanted was to be a doctor and fulfill her dreams. Dreams that were crushed to crumble by six animals, six Indian men who treated her like absolute garbage and threw her out after they were done. Is this what women are in India? Absolute garbage and worthless beings? 

If there is a moment in life to be a proud Indian, well this is certainly not it. I do not want to go back to my country and be on the road worried if I can walk freely without being teased, without being stared at, without being on a public bus in Mumbai at rush hour and being touched, without being approached openly in a book store and asked for my number, without thinking not two but three times if it's alright to wear a sleeveless top and should I carry a shawl, without landing at Mumbai airport and feeling unsafe and volatile because I'm alone and a woman! All these things have happened to me and it gives me goose bumps when I take my memory back to all the examples. 

If 2012 can be called the year of anything, well let it be the one of Indian awakening. Thirteen days is what she suffered to ultimately die and leave us all with bitter sadness and a feeling of helplessness. I ask you if you agree with me, speak your mind and spread your voice.  Every single man in this world has a woman behind his existence. If you have sons, teach them to respect their women. What we are breeding today, will ultimately be our tomorrow.

Soul-mates

I have to admit before I started writing on this subject, my knowledge on soul-mates was fairly jaded and more subjective than I had imagined. I did find that I had somehow fabricated an ideal image of a soul-mate in my head, based on my own fantasies and what stories I have heard from people who have shared with me. This tends to derail your realities and you start to entertain a vision of the perfect soul-mate in a particular person who may not necessarily be your soulmate. Since I was baffled by the meaning of the term "soul-mate", I consider it important to explain the correct definition and also distinguish the differences between a soul-mate, a karmic relationship and a twin flame. 

Soul-mate. This can be an individual of the same sex or even a best friend. You may never have a physical relationship with them but the love and depth of connections between you both will last a lifetime. It is even possible that family members are soul-mates. A soul-mate is usually the person whom you feel instantly comfortable with, you do not feel vulnerable in any way. You want to spend time with one another and are willing to grow spiritually in the same direction. Your soul-mate loves you for who you are and not your physical appearance.

A very important component in a soul-mate union is that it is more than just a romantic relationship which binds you together. The union is on a spiritual level, which is why it goes beyond love and in many cases sex is not even present. There exists an intuitive connection between soul-mates and this is due to a past life connection which both share. We can be completely and honestly who we are, we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. Soul-mates do not share the same soul, rather their souls are different but have connected together to share energies which are compatible. Is a soul-mate always your life partner? Ideally after explaining what a soul-mate is, one would not hesitate to consider that person as a life long companion. However, I will address this a bit later.

I have read a lot of quotes about soul-mates but the following in my opinion, really explains the concept very accurately. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life." Elizabeth Gilbert, journalist and author of Eat, Pray Love

I want to move onto karmic relationships, which are often confused for soul-mates. "Karmic" soul mates are two individuals who have come together during a given lifetime to reconcile from a past or previous lives. This kind of relationship is often very intense and of strong attraction, but brings with it a lot of turbulence and turmoil. It can be profound and loving, but can also deteriorate into a negative light. The latter occurs due to unresolved karma between these souls and only through unconditional love and forgiveness is this achieved. Nonetheless, this is not always possible in the same lifetime and   therefore explains the heady emotion, confusion and a sense of "here we go again" dread. This is referred to as "karmic warning bells" by Linda Bray in Discovering Your Soul Mission.

In karmic relationships, sex can also be a powerful karmic trigger and this is a sign which tells you that the person who is giving you wild pleasure and satiates your desires in the moment, is actually resolving karma / unfinished business with you. On the other hand if your experience is passionate, with a sense of security and expansiveness, well this resembles soul-mate sex.

If you are in a karmic relationship you will sense a very intense attraction and a feeling of nervousness too. You will tend to argue and use hurtful words, following it with sex. It's a relationship with highs and lows but no real growth for either partner. Ultimately such relationships need to end, unless you are happy to feel blocked in such intense emotions and have a dramatic result every time.

Do you see the difference between one and another? It's really a fine line with both, because as human beings we cannot always be happy and completely content with ourselves and in turn project this feeling on another person. I would argue, if your soul-mate is your mirror then you must see the negative facets in them as they see them in you and one needs to work hard to make the relationship work. The hard work is something a soul-mate relationship doesn't take into account, as "everything" is acceptable. Tricky isn't it?

So then what is a twin flame? These are two individuals in two separate bodies, but they share the same soul. Twin Flames usually meet each other in their first incarnation, in order to remember the soul vibes of the other individual. Later they are reunited on their final time on earth and when this happens, it is the most magical and exciting experience for both on this planet. However, if they happen to meet before either of them is fully ready, their compatibility fails and the total opposite of what is supposed to occur with twin flames occurs.

As an outsider if you observe Twin Flames, you will sense that they are almost identical and compliment each other very well. It is also hard for them to stay away from each other and they share an intuition, being almost telepathic and often finish each others sentences. Before they even meet it is important to observe the similar parallels their life already share; e.g. growing up in different homes but under a similar upbringing, spiritual education is fundamental in twin flames and above all a maturity within yourself to want to discover your own self. This is why seeing Twin Flames is very rare on this planet.

How does one find their soul-mate/s? Yes it is possible to have more than one in a lifetime. This is because you may have touched many souls in your past lives and have probably shared a relationship with them. If you have lived more lifetimes, well the more chances you will have of finding the perfect soul-mate. Different individuals will touch your soul in different ways and it is possible that only they touch your soul but you remain indifferent in their eyes.

When one finds or thinks they have recognised their soul-mate it is a true one only when you have gone about it in a spiritual sense, being completely open to mystery and not shutting any doors or putting up walls of judgement. I will give you some mundane examples of judgment calls. If you have a list in your head of what you want from your soul-mate, well already you are putting brackets in your open mind. Are you putting up a persona when you meet someone who you are attracted to? Your real self is being masked and this will hinder the soul from reaching out to the other soul. Do you expect a 50/50 agreement with your partner? You will give equally if he/she also gives you? Do you feel they are not pulling their weight in the relationship? When you are in a soul-mate relationship, there will always be more energy channeled from one side towards another, but this doesn't mean the person giving less energy is any less of a soul-mate. The reason for this off balanced energy share is purely related to unresolved karma between the souls. As a true soul-mate you will give infinite energy and never question what you are getting back, because you just don't need in this life time.

Many individuals meet someone whom they are instantly attracted to and feel a strong chemical equation with. They interpret this as having found their soul-mate. This is tricky because physical attraction instantly overrides a strong mental and spiritual connection - which is clearly not present in this apparent soul-mate. This brings me back to the subtle differences between karmic relationships, soul-mates and twin flames.

One must know themselves well in order to allow the quest for a soul-mate search to start. You need to be fully connected with your personality traits and accept your facets and flaws like seeing them in a mirror. Your soul-mate will slap you in the face with the same flaws twice over and you need to have the strength to accept that about yourself. Once you have undergone this process is when you can embrace such a connection and allow it to take accommodate within your soul and not just with your physical body.

This brings me onto my final point, which is whether a life long partner can be your soul-mate and should spiritually realised singles be waiting to marry their soul-mate and nobody else. According to a January 2011 Marist poll, 73% of Americans believe that they are destined to find their one, true, soul mate. The percentage is a bit higher for men (74%) than women (71%). The notion is also higher among younger individuals, with 79% of those under 45 believing in soul mates (as opposed to 69% of those over 45). 

Clearly there is a majority who latch tightly onto the idea of romantic destiny. However, does this belief end up working for us and do soul-mates live "happily ever after"? I always like to quantify my data and see what research is telling me.

Whilst the majority who are believers of romantic destiny (soul-mate believers) think that they will simply "click" and are meant to be, or there is no future and nothing further needs to be done towards making the relationship work. This results in very passionate and satisfied partners at first and once problems arise, these same soul searchers give up on the relationship, blaming it all on lack of soul compatibility. I want to add here the lack of knowledge such individuals have on the subject. As I said earlier, soul-mates do not necessarily have shared interests or personalities. In fact they mirror your flaws and facets and make you want to work on the best in you. Regardless of the instant connection you may share, even soul-mates encounter ups and downs or perhaps you are simply in a karmic relationship. Identify what relationship you are in!

Research shows also the flip side of the coin. There are people who believe in romantic growth, therefore they realise romance is not instant and this grows in the relationship as the couple evolves through time. They believe in solving their issues rather than rejecting a partner for minor disagreements. It turns out to be a satisfied relationship with perhaps not as much euphoria and passion as those that believe in romantic destiny.

Overall the conclusion drawn from this research is clear. A soul-mate potentially damages the chances towards a successful relationship in the belief that a connection is always necessary for a long term future. A person who advocates romantic growth and consciously works, puts effort and has a desired interest in growing with their partner cultivates a long lasting future.

I do agree with this data but also want to add the erroneous information one carries within themselves about what a soul-mate really is. It is more than a connection with the other person and I think this is what leads to a failed relationship when we are convinced the other person is our soul-mate. Had I not read more about the subject, I too would be under the misconception of such ideas, because on the surface the whole notion appears very attractive and almost utopian. It can be if you are in the right frame of mind and mature enough to carry the weight of your other soul.

We do have more than one soul-mate, I support this idea as well. You will only know this if you can live it and on a deeper level the answers will come to you are able to respect all your relationships and honour them. If you can appreciate your loved ones in a spiritual light, this is a good start to lead you in the direction of self discovery and thus to discover your soul-mate/s. The more you are the RIGHT person in your heart, you will find the person you are looking for.