Tuesday 5 March 2013

Digital Kids



I was at Chiang Mai airport last April with my family, waiting to board a flight. I observed a child no older than one year of age sitting on the ground tapping anxiously on digital tablet. What shocked me wasn’t the fact that he had an expensive gadget in his hands and was manipulating it as if it were a robust toy truck. I simply wondered if I were to hand him over an actual book with pages, would he flip the pages or would he start to tap the book as well. The action of tapping, swiping or pressing your fingers over such gadgets has become an innate pattern of actions in most children who are exposed to the digital era of iEverything.

I shared this anecdote with a close friend and to my surprise she sent me a video from Youtube.com where a child was actually given a magazine and in the video one could observe how this child kept tapping and pressing the pages of the the magazine, with the expectation that a 3D image may appear or a sound would be heard. No doubt, it was very amusing to watch but one cannot escape from the harsh reality of digital invasion that is entering the lives of children so young. I am not against technology in fact I support the use of tablets and other such devices in schools, which are preparing our children for what awaits them. However, there are some serious repercussions of the premature introduction of such devices and this is the issue that I would like to address.

Are you one of those parents who struggles with trying to keep your iPad away from your children and often cannot even use it without the constant interruption of your child wanting to play games or watch videos on it? How do you remedy this problem? I know of homes where every child has their own iPad and we are talking about average two to three children per family. Shocking isn’t it? I’m not sure if my parents would have ever bought me a gift worth $500, only to later buy my brother one as well. These are extreme cases of course, but they do exist.

One of the most important areas affected by the use of digital gadgets and machines is the attention span of a human being. Let’s take the example of us looking for information online, the alluring world of Google. Google seems to have the answer to everything and sometimes a little too much I feel. When you make a search there are pages and pages of information that appear before us and it is true that we have mastered the art of scanning information rapidly and efficiently, but at the same time what we are receiving is information overload. The latter has a direct impact on our attention span and more importantly on our memory.

For a growing child it is extremely important to train the brain to focus at an early age, this enables them to memorise, be creative, solve problems and make sound decisions throughout their lives. However, the environment we grow up in has a strong influence on our attention span.

In earlier generations, children grew up reading a lot and this continues to be the encouraged activity proposed by schools even today, as it offers few distractions whilst you are doing it, and your channel of thoughts is entirely focused on the book. As technology has entered our lives, first with television and now with the Internet, our brains have slowly started to get wired differently. Television has offered visual stimuli that in turn has fragmented our attention and left little room for our imagination to work. The Internet offers only a world of distraction, ranging from pop ups, sponsored ads, page uploads, the possibility to open as many tabs as you like, interactive communication and last but not least the actual information one had decided to search in the first place!

Therefore, technology conditions our brains to pay attention to information very differently than reading. If we see toddlers, who cannot even read yet manipulating an iPad for distraction, how is a book going to offer them any attraction after a few years?

In the same way, if a student reads uninterrupted text, rather than one filled with hyperlinks and ads, he has better chances of quicker completion and understanding of what he was instructed to learn in the first place.
Nicholas Carr a technology writer uses a metaphor that describes the way in which technology conditions our brain differently than traditional reading. He offered the difference between scuba diving and jet skiing. Book reading is like scuba diving in which the diver is submerged in a quiet, visually restricted, slow-paced setting with few distractions and, as a result, is required to focus narrowly and think deeply on the limited information that is available to them. In contrast, using the Internet is like jet skiing, in which the jet skier is skimming along the surface of the water at high speed, exposed to a broad vista, surrounded by many distractions, and only able to focus fleetingly on any one thing.

My son often tells me that if I don’t understand something, I should ask Google. It’s interesting how right and wrong he is at the same time. What worries me is the fact that our kids will be experts at knowing where to retrieve the answers from, but not as smart to retain all the information gained. Let’s go one step further and address the tangibility of this information gained. If they do retain it and we are being positive about this, given that they will have to already filter so much in this process of accessing it in the first place, they will more than likely not be concerned about contemplating, thinking critically and being imaginative. These finer skills of the brain are what technology is suppressing, thanks to the information overload it provides us with.

Coming back to the toddler with the iPad, he can press, swipe and tap on it. The material an iPad is made of has no textures to feel or smell. Can you rip an iPad apart? I should hope not!

With a traditional book you can touch each page, smell the ink and the paper if it’s new or the musky smell after a book has become old, bend it and see the creases forming and even write in it. Furthermore, with a book you can even tear the pages, not that you would encourage this on a child. However, each page he tears will leave an impression on him and remind him of why he had that book in the first place. It offers a “higher-order” experience to the child, appropriate to the age of the child. An iPad will offer you an equally if not a more gratifying experience but only after you’ve experienced a traditional book first. Do you see my point here?

When your child learns how to write and you see them write their name for the first time, I’m pretty sure this has melted you down. Now imagine if your child had learnt to write using a touch-screen tablet to practice letter formations with his finger and shown you his name on a screen for the first time? Well it’s pretty cool but it’s not as cool as old school is it? 

My argument is the same again, it is important traditional methods such as handwriting lessons be instilled vigorously and these can be complemented with keyboarding classes. What should not be done is replace the traditional for the technological entirely. There is not enough history in technology to determine the effects it will or has already had on our children, so why are we playing with their brains and “wiring” them to a fashion we don’t know the tomorrow of?

I will personally treasure my little “I love you” post it notes from my son and daughter, because in a short blink I will see them holding a smartphone and sending the same message to their girl / boy friend! Call me old fashioned but I still write on paper everyday and there is a sense of self-expression that cannot be recreated using the best fonts or styles on any computer. The geeks will probably tell me there is some sort of App that allows you to match your own handwriting and create a personalized font. That would be incredibly incredible no doubt. In order to reach that stage of incredibleness you need to actually know what your font is and this is only done using pencil and paper. 


Wednesday 20 February 2013

That Thing

That thing we both know
It’s shivering upon our lips
Words on edge
A gentle nudge
Eyes express it
Hide and seek
We play
We meet
Sometimes open
And yet so discreet

That thing we both know
It lingers in the air
Looking down
Peek up and stare
Cover my eyes
Intoxicating glare

That thing we both know
It’s written all over
Invisible ink
It’s just a feeling
You think?
Uncover it with a mere blink

That thing we both know
The world knows
It floats soundless
Yet breathless

That thing we both know
A dark cloud
Soft and cushioned
Suspending from above
Waiting to explode

Unspoken awareness
Untouched yet held
In the less is the more
A rhythm that needs no beat
A greater distance with so much heat

You know
And I know

Tuesday 19 February 2013

If Only


Stay awhile, just be
Keep me company
Silently

I should let you go
You can’t stay
Just for me

If I could freeze time
I’d hold you here
Let you be
A part of me

You’ve done your time
I’ve given you mine
Still
I just wish
Pray, hope
An inch of scope

You are gone now
Empty room
Vacant spaces
Coffee cup stains

Sweep up dust
Scrub the counters
Pick up crumbs
Stop

Doors open and close behind
Muffled echoes I can hear
Just yesterday
You were here

You had to go
I understand
If only…

If only…
You’ll never know

Thursday 7 February 2013

The Mum


The first to wake
Another day
Another show
Boom boom, shake shake
Sleepy yawns
Wakey wake

Supermarket run
I used to find them so much fun
Until she decided to scream and shout
Bring it on girl
Loud and all out
I’ll just go and hide on my cloud

Ready steady bake
Last to eat the cake
“Have you had some Mum?”
No darling, you take

Mechanical moves
Automated mind
Generally
I don’t mind
I’d like for you to shed me
Some kind
Spend some time
To simply find
It’s healthy at times to be blind

I push, I pull
Kids to school
I wish I were just
Horizontal in a pool

I could just walk out
“No mum that’s not cool”
Would I be such a fool?
But I’m the queen you know
I make the rules

The irritating whining song
A bell at the door
Ding-dong
I really need a manicure; it’s been so long
Door again
Ting tong
“What took you so long?”
I’m sorry
I was busy window-shopping in Hong Kong

“Where’s my glove mum?”
Deep breathes, play dumb
“Where’s my recorder mum?”
One, two, three
Numb numb
“Sweetheart bring me the remote”
Here darling, stick it up your bum

The first to wake
The first to leave home
I want to be first in bed some days
To sit around and just laze
I need a haircut, some highlights
“Are you listening mum?”
Always!


Monday 4 February 2013

Random Kindness: The New Sexy



As basic moral education our parents always told us to just be nice to others and not harm anyone. We continue to instill this in our own children. I believe it’s a simple concept of human behavior that adds only benefits to our lives. Ever wondered why is it important to be nice to others? I mean obviously it brings out the better human being in you, the recipient feels good and in the end both are happy. Sounds pretty simple doesn’t it?

Did you know that a random act of kindness from you has the power to multiply and have a ripple effect on many others?
I will use the example of my 1€ coin. I found a 1€ coin on the road once. I picked it up and kept it for a suitable purpose. In a few days I was inside a parking lot and in a queue behind someone who was struggling to find change for the machine. The credit card option had been disabled and they didn’t have enough spare change to cover the full charge. I decided to give them my 1€ coin as I felt this was a suitable moment. He smiled and thanked me, telling me how I had saved his life. I felt pleased I was able to help someone. Shortly afterwards I was driving up to the exit of the parking lot and as I approached the barrier, there was a man standing there who was giving away free 2€ discount vouchers for the parking lot, for the next time we parked there and it would be discounted off our total. I was pleasantly surprised and accepted the voucher with a smile on my face. I had no expectations of this reward but it was a great feeling, albeit so small.  Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. -- Scott Adams

The example I gave was just between myself and another individual. However, the person who received my kindness had a higher probability of performing an act of kindness, simply because he felt good and wanted to share the same feeling. Our kids do this everyday and so effortlessly, and this is a reason why they are happy and do not know the terms jealousy, selfishness and ego.

A random act of kindness can be very fruitful to our wellbeing. It releases us from self-obsession and prevents us from entering into isolation. Can you honestly imagine what a world would be where you simply addressed your own needs and ignored everyone else? Miserable I would think!

Unfortunately in the society we live in today, there is a secondary problem, which often stops us or makes us paranoid to generosity from strangers. We feel doubts, insecure due to our own insecurities, lack of self-esteem and question the other person’s intentions. This is very sad, but true. I will give you an example where my mother once helped a man on the street who claimed he had had his wallet stolen and had no money to get back home. He was well dressed in a suit, groomed and even had a mobile phone. His story seemed genuine and mum decided to give him some money for a cab ride home. He had promised to call her and return the money the next day, even giving her his own number. We never heard from him again and the number we called was not real. He had staged the whole situation and this clearly made us wary of who is true and who is a fraud? So I do not blame our society for being reluctant when accepting or giving help to strangers.  

Nevertheless, there are plenty of selfless acts which one can perform everyday and believe me these have a domino effect, whereby your one act has sown a seed to encourage others to do the same and this is what is called a rippling effect.

Coming back to questioning the random act of kindness, let’s rephrase the whole concept and try to make it sound more appealing to the receiving end. The word random can create distrust and a sense of wariness because if you have pride/ ego this can hinder you from accepting the kindness and oblige you to even think how would you return the favour. Please note in random kindness there is no return involved, but one can try to understand why it is normal to want to return the kindness to the same person.

Instead of using random, let’s use spontaneous. The word spontaneous gives a feel of “in the moment”, “impulsive” and simply sounds like an act where you would NOT expect anything in return.  See the difference?

Now if we take this phrase a notch further and add some appeal to it, making it stand out even more. When you meet a person who is just really nice to you for no apparent reason, well it makes you feel good right? How about feeling good and having fun with this act? So e.g. they not only help you but at the same time have the ability to make you happy in your heart too. Lets call the notion spontaneous kindness is sexy. It’s a game of word swapping but suddenly the basic concept of being nice has been changed to spontaneous kindness is sexy and appears so appealing and fashionable.

In the book To Kill a Mocking Bird there are infinite examples of spontaneous kindness. E.g. when Boo gives Scout a blanket during the fire at Miss Maudie’s house. When Boo fixes Jem’s pants and hangs them on the fence for Jem. A fine character Boo is, he makes fine gestures of affection towards the children but never appears in person in front of them. A perfect example of kindness without expectation. You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. John Bunyan

The benefits of doing something nice are another big reason why we must practice these acts of kindness. It is good for your health because you are happier, you actually feel more confident and free from insecurities because you want to give happiness to others and are not concerned about getting it in return, hence are at peace with your own self. You will be free from this being called ego and actually be yourself.

There is a movement called Pay It Forward. This basically means you do something nice and the person who receives the act of kindness carries it forward and pays it on to the next person. The idea is it carries on and the Pay It Forward (PIF) movement becomes a way of life. A good reason to use this philosophy in life is also because often if someone is kind to us, we are not able to repay that kindness  back to the same person so instead we must simply pay it forward. There are limitless examples of these types of acts. http://www.pifexperience.org/88-ways-to-make-a-stranger-smile/


We have seen such examples of PIF for a long time and one interesting one which I like to refer to is from a Marvel comic "What Price a Life"(1980) - This was a team-up between Spider-Man and The Incredible Hulk, in which Spider-Man helps the Hulk escape from police who mistakenly thought that he was attacking them. Afterwards, they meet in their secret identities, with Peter Parker warning Bruce Banner to leave town because of the Hulk’s seeming attack on police. But Banner is flat broke, and cannot afford even bus fare. So, Parker gives Banner his last $5 bill, saying that someone had given him money when he was down on his luck, and this was how he was repaying that debt. Later, in Chicago, the Hulk confronts muggers who’d just robbed an elderly retired man of his pension money, all the money he had. After corralling the muggers, the Hulk turns towards the victim. The retiree thinks that the Hulk is about to attack him as well, but instead, the Hulk gives him the $5 bill. Turns out that the old man was the same person who’d earlier given a down-on-his-luck Peter Parker a $5 bill. -Wikipedia


Just remember it is absolutely free of cost to be nice to someone, never goes out of fashion and if you spontaneously make someone smile, well this is the most potent, unconditional act of generosity you can offer.  So go out there are offer your seat to someone if there are none free, offer to take a pic of a couple who are trying to take it themselves and so on and so on.

The PIF experience is unique, so let’s all be spontaneously sexy by being kind!