Tuesday 19 February 2013

If Only


Stay awhile, just be
Keep me company
Silently

I should let you go
You can’t stay
Just for me

If I could freeze time
I’d hold you here
Let you be
A part of me

You’ve done your time
I’ve given you mine
Still
I just wish
Pray, hope
An inch of scope

You are gone now
Empty room
Vacant spaces
Coffee cup stains

Sweep up dust
Scrub the counters
Pick up crumbs
Stop

Doors open and close behind
Muffled echoes I can hear
Just yesterday
You were here

You had to go
I understand
If only…

If only…
You’ll never know

Thursday 7 February 2013

The Mum


The first to wake
Another day
Another show
Boom boom, shake shake
Sleepy yawns
Wakey wake

Supermarket run
I used to find them so much fun
Until she decided to scream and shout
Bring it on girl
Loud and all out
I’ll just go and hide on my cloud

Ready steady bake
Last to eat the cake
“Have you had some Mum?”
No darling, you take

Mechanical moves
Automated mind
Generally
I don’t mind
I’d like for you to shed me
Some kind
Spend some time
To simply find
It’s healthy at times to be blind

I push, I pull
Kids to school
I wish I were just
Horizontal in a pool

I could just walk out
“No mum that’s not cool”
Would I be such a fool?
But I’m the queen you know
I make the rules

The irritating whining song
A bell at the door
Ding-dong
I really need a manicure; it’s been so long
Door again
Ting tong
“What took you so long?”
I’m sorry
I was busy window-shopping in Hong Kong

“Where’s my glove mum?”
Deep breathes, play dumb
“Where’s my recorder mum?”
One, two, three
Numb numb
“Sweetheart bring me the remote”
Here darling, stick it up your bum

The first to wake
The first to leave home
I want to be first in bed some days
To sit around and just laze
I need a haircut, some highlights
“Are you listening mum?”
Always!


Monday 4 February 2013

Random Kindness: The New Sexy



As basic moral education our parents always told us to just be nice to others and not harm anyone. We continue to instill this in our own children. I believe it’s a simple concept of human behavior that adds only benefits to our lives. Ever wondered why is it important to be nice to others? I mean obviously it brings out the better human being in you, the recipient feels good and in the end both are happy. Sounds pretty simple doesn’t it?

Did you know that a random act of kindness from you has the power to multiply and have a ripple effect on many others?
I will use the example of my 1€ coin. I found a 1€ coin on the road once. I picked it up and kept it for a suitable purpose. In a few days I was inside a parking lot and in a queue behind someone who was struggling to find change for the machine. The credit card option had been disabled and they didn’t have enough spare change to cover the full charge. I decided to give them my 1€ coin as I felt this was a suitable moment. He smiled and thanked me, telling me how I had saved his life. I felt pleased I was able to help someone. Shortly afterwards I was driving up to the exit of the parking lot and as I approached the barrier, there was a man standing there who was giving away free 2€ discount vouchers for the parking lot, for the next time we parked there and it would be discounted off our total. I was pleasantly surprised and accepted the voucher with a smile on my face. I had no expectations of this reward but it was a great feeling, albeit so small.  Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. -- Scott Adams

The example I gave was just between myself and another individual. However, the person who received my kindness had a higher probability of performing an act of kindness, simply because he felt good and wanted to share the same feeling. Our kids do this everyday and so effortlessly, and this is a reason why they are happy and do not know the terms jealousy, selfishness and ego.

A random act of kindness can be very fruitful to our wellbeing. It releases us from self-obsession and prevents us from entering into isolation. Can you honestly imagine what a world would be where you simply addressed your own needs and ignored everyone else? Miserable I would think!

Unfortunately in the society we live in today, there is a secondary problem, which often stops us or makes us paranoid to generosity from strangers. We feel doubts, insecure due to our own insecurities, lack of self-esteem and question the other person’s intentions. This is very sad, but true. I will give you an example where my mother once helped a man on the street who claimed he had had his wallet stolen and had no money to get back home. He was well dressed in a suit, groomed and even had a mobile phone. His story seemed genuine and mum decided to give him some money for a cab ride home. He had promised to call her and return the money the next day, even giving her his own number. We never heard from him again and the number we called was not real. He had staged the whole situation and this clearly made us wary of who is true and who is a fraud? So I do not blame our society for being reluctant when accepting or giving help to strangers.  

Nevertheless, there are plenty of selfless acts which one can perform everyday and believe me these have a domino effect, whereby your one act has sown a seed to encourage others to do the same and this is what is called a rippling effect.

Coming back to questioning the random act of kindness, let’s rephrase the whole concept and try to make it sound more appealing to the receiving end. The word random can create distrust and a sense of wariness because if you have pride/ ego this can hinder you from accepting the kindness and oblige you to even think how would you return the favour. Please note in random kindness there is no return involved, but one can try to understand why it is normal to want to return the kindness to the same person.

Instead of using random, let’s use spontaneous. The word spontaneous gives a feel of “in the moment”, “impulsive” and simply sounds like an act where you would NOT expect anything in return.  See the difference?

Now if we take this phrase a notch further and add some appeal to it, making it stand out even more. When you meet a person who is just really nice to you for no apparent reason, well it makes you feel good right? How about feeling good and having fun with this act? So e.g. they not only help you but at the same time have the ability to make you happy in your heart too. Lets call the notion spontaneous kindness is sexy. It’s a game of word swapping but suddenly the basic concept of being nice has been changed to spontaneous kindness is sexy and appears so appealing and fashionable.

In the book To Kill a Mocking Bird there are infinite examples of spontaneous kindness. E.g. when Boo gives Scout a blanket during the fire at Miss Maudie’s house. When Boo fixes Jem’s pants and hangs them on the fence for Jem. A fine character Boo is, he makes fine gestures of affection towards the children but never appears in person in front of them. A perfect example of kindness without expectation. You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. John Bunyan

The benefits of doing something nice are another big reason why we must practice these acts of kindness. It is good for your health because you are happier, you actually feel more confident and free from insecurities because you want to give happiness to others and are not concerned about getting it in return, hence are at peace with your own self. You will be free from this being called ego and actually be yourself.

There is a movement called Pay It Forward. This basically means you do something nice and the person who receives the act of kindness carries it forward and pays it on to the next person. The idea is it carries on and the Pay It Forward (PIF) movement becomes a way of life. A good reason to use this philosophy in life is also because often if someone is kind to us, we are not able to repay that kindness  back to the same person so instead we must simply pay it forward. There are limitless examples of these types of acts. http://www.pifexperience.org/88-ways-to-make-a-stranger-smile/


We have seen such examples of PIF for a long time and one interesting one which I like to refer to is from a Marvel comic "What Price a Life"(1980) - This was a team-up between Spider-Man and The Incredible Hulk, in which Spider-Man helps the Hulk escape from police who mistakenly thought that he was attacking them. Afterwards, they meet in their secret identities, with Peter Parker warning Bruce Banner to leave town because of the Hulk’s seeming attack on police. But Banner is flat broke, and cannot afford even bus fare. So, Parker gives Banner his last $5 bill, saying that someone had given him money when he was down on his luck, and this was how he was repaying that debt. Later, in Chicago, the Hulk confronts muggers who’d just robbed an elderly retired man of his pension money, all the money he had. After corralling the muggers, the Hulk turns towards the victim. The retiree thinks that the Hulk is about to attack him as well, but instead, the Hulk gives him the $5 bill. Turns out that the old man was the same person who’d earlier given a down-on-his-luck Peter Parker a $5 bill. -Wikipedia


Just remember it is absolutely free of cost to be nice to someone, never goes out of fashion and if you spontaneously make someone smile, well this is the most potent, unconditional act of generosity you can offer.  So go out there are offer your seat to someone if there are none free, offer to take a pic of a couple who are trying to take it themselves and so on and so on.

The PIF experience is unique, so let’s all be spontaneously sexy by being kind!






Sunday 27 January 2013

Just Go


You have to go
Just go
So I can let go

I’ve hugged you hard
Despite your guard
I’ve parked my sorrows
But wiped your tears
I’ve fallen right down to the ground
Yet offered to always hold your hand

For you I always did stand

You kept me near
But stayed far and clear
You brought me confusion
I held onto our illusion
You let me down
But your faith was my crown

Now it’s too late
Years of hard work washed by lies
See the quirk of fate
I miss you, sure I do
But you miss me more
I just can’t be there for you
Anymore

Can’t we meet half way?
No damn it
We can’t
You couldn’t even go a step with me
Now I choose to walk away

I will leave you
I have no choice
I will forget you
Because I have to
I will forgive you
To start brand new

You have to go
Just go
So I can let go



Tuesday 22 January 2013

Brilliant Minds


A lot of you are familiar with my frequent status updates on Facebook, where I put up snippets from conversations held between my son and daughter, aged 7 and 4 respectively. I know that most of you find these conversations entertaining, humorous and some even tell me how smart or witty these kids are. I thank you all for the feedback and as much as I do find them amusing myself, there is an element of analysis involved in a lot these conversations.

A child has a mind where he is curious and finds a mysterious side to the most mundane things. What we must ensure is to never kill this thirst for the mysterious. We must encourage their minds to explore the world as if it has infinite discoveries and not educate them in a 2D world, rather allow them to enter the 3rd or even 4th dimension. “The world is your oyster” – a phrase we have all heard and used, but very few actually put to use.

Children have this ability to ask you for answers to questions which quite often just don’t have an answer because “it is what it is” and we are left stumped. I will give you an example of my own son. “Does a rainbow come out after the rain because the sun is happy so it is smiling to the world?” A question and an answer in the same sentence!  I can assure you most parents reading this are full of examples, and I urge you to write these down next time. I really do feel in such questions lie the vivid imagination of all children. We must not suppress such questions, it’s important to participate in their fantasies. I actually encourage my son to write stories about his dreams and try to understand why he feels the way he does. 

Is there always a correct answer?

Under the Spanish education system in which our children are being schooled today, there is little concern for what the child is really asking. The fundamental priority is given to inculcating values, rules, a common base where there are fixed answers to the basic questions they ask. I don’t disagree with this approach of course, but perhaps an added bracket needs to be created in the curriculum. This was recently addressed in the 3rd Congress for Brilliant Minds in Madrid. (III Congreso de mentes brillantes). The president of the education institution SEK and Vice President of the Universidad Camilo José Cela – Nieves Segovia concluded that under the current system only the student fails because we only evaluate the student and not the teacher or the system. She called the Spanish system a failed model. 

Segovia clearly emphasised the road to take is one where the student must be given preparation for the uncertain possibilities and not just the certain ones. It’s important to consider the world as a web of connections and the education system must focus not just on a critical thoughts process of the child, but also allow room for a process which involves higher capacities that may otherwise be suppressed; to be interactive, creative and free from boundaries.  

Einstein used to say "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society which honours the servant and has forgotten the gift” This is the gift children have and it is our duty to see the world through their eyes and help them to discover complexities through simplicities. As teachers it is more important to ask their students what they think, rather than tell them what to think.

How are video games and television stunting our children’s 3rd dimension?

I will give you a clear viewpoint on this matter, which will sum up in simple terms my opinion on the subject. "Where possible, it’s important that the games we pick, should not be battery operated or have buttons for that matter. The batteries must be born within the child. It is not the games which must work, it’s the child that has to be activated thanks to the game he plays” Catherine L’Ecuyer 

When you over stimulate a child externally through television or video games, this starts to overshadow the child’s capacity to wonder and suffocates the creativity and self - motivation of the child. In addition it also saturates the child’s basic senses and impedes the child from perceiving the less noisy stimuli. Ultimately, these over stimulated children actually bore easily as they are constantly seeking new stimulus and are addicted to the noise that these new technologies are artificially providing them with. An example would be the perception of a child in seeing an animal on TV and how they see these animals on a real farm. The smell, the feeling and even the visual stimulus is completely jaded for a child who has only ever seen animals through a screen.

Do you think it’s fair that the panda your child identifies with belongs to an animated 3D film and not the panda he can see and probably touch at his local zoo? 

A real life example of a creative genius

I live in Barcelona, so for me our local creative genius has always been Antonio Gaudi.  As a child Gaudi kept very ill health due to his rheumatism, and this disabled him from playing like a normal child. His mother spent long hours with him, taking him for walks in the woods and provided him with endless hours of direct contact with nature. 

As an adult Gaudi recalls nature to be his first window towards wanting to discover the mysteries of life and nature was in fact his inspiration for his masterpiece, the Sagrada Familia. He was able to translate the beauty of the divine and bring it to the streets and ultimately elevate through the skies this wonderful cathedral we all admire and are in complete awe of. Gaudi did not go to day care at the age of 4 months, he did not have toys that spoke to him, nor did he watch Baby Einstein. His guide as a child was his mother and his best friend was the silence in the nature he was subjected to.

The importance of home education

Gaudi spent long hours with his mother, who dedicated her time on him simply teaching him moral values and although these values have little to do with an academic education, the link comes in when a child with high moral values will certainly question the academics far more than a child who has not been allowed to express his needs and wants. If you take this from a business point of view, well we must consider the child as the client and address his needs first, in order to provide him with the correct solution / education, thus enabling him to flourish as an adult. Spiritual education is vital as this also helps the child in deciding whether his creative ideas are tangible and acceptable in a morally sound society. As a parent we must understand that 80% of a child’s moral education is received at home, which means it is imperative we dedicate this time towards them. 

In conclusion I’d like to stress that we all must keep the creative child in ourselves alive because it is far more difficult to generate ideas and then develop conclusions from them, rather than have your ideas set and then look for arguments to defend these ideas. The most successful companies in the world spend millions of dollars on research and development teams, which allows them to think ahead of the market trends and the results are your Apple, Google and Samsung. Need I say more?  

Our children are the best thinkers and have an innate ability to be rational without bias. Let’s allow them to invent and discover to then teach them with discipline. If you have a brilliant mind living at home, let him shine.  



Monday 7 January 2013

Myday


Some days are not meant for sharing
Monday, Tuesday and then Myday
Tick tock I spend my time alone
Silence cures me
Therapeutic for my bones

Coffee shop corner
Sip the caffeine
Absorb the feeling
The feeling of knowing
I’m thinking, filtering, analysing
Shush! I'm just being

Alone but not lonely
Conversing with myself
Debating with my mind
Patiently quiet I detach
Noise around
Block it out

Turn off the lights
Dark and soothing
Meditation can be so sexy
So alluring

I run alone in the mountains
Trees and leaves
Keep me company
Along with the cool breeze
I feel they talk to me
Sometimes they tease

I like to be in my cloister
Wrapped up cosy in my paraffin wax
I reflect on the cracks
Cracks only I can heal
Only I can feel

Some days are just not meant for sharing
I want to indulge in exile
Please let me be for a while
I’ll surface when I want to
You should try it
If you want to



Saturday 5 January 2013

A Beautiful Mind & A Beautiful Body

I don't want to make this post about what are the best methods to keep fit or to lose weight. I don't feel I am anyone to help a person deal with such issues. However if there is one area in which I am by far the expert, that is giving my own experience which for me has changed my body completely. 

I had noticed in the last 3 years that I had become a slave of the weighing scale and there was always the magic number which I prayed I would find in the mornings. I struggled very hard to reach that number, deep down I knew I would never get there and if I fit into my clothes and looked somewhat presentable then I should be happy with that.  The reason for my struggle was probably related to my childhood chubbiness which had haunted me for a very long time. The year I got married, I do remember feeling like a million dollars, probably because I had found someone who accepted me for the way I looked and loved my face, my curves and the whole package deal. Looking back at my pictures today, I cringe because I really did not look my best in the physical sense. However, I smile because I was glowing and it was a magical time.

So, recently I reflected on my mood. I had not reached my target weight, I felt scared to eat anything which remotely carried more calories than my daily allowance, I was exercising everyday and I was only just fitting into the clothes which I had aspired to fit into. I realised I was making far more sacrifice than reaping benefits from it. The situation didn't seem right! In all this I never uttered a word to anyone and simply sulked to myself. I was obsessed with wanting to fit into this one particular dress which I was supposed to wear for a special occasion in a few weeks time. I had a goal but I was miserable.

Certain events occurred in my life around the same time and they took away the time which I was otherwise investing in my body and a weight loss plan. I had no choice but to ignore my calories, forget the gym and simply focus on these other priorities. 

After about ten days of no dieting and simply eating like a normal person, without performing any exercise, other than my usual running around and mundane chores I noticed one morning that a pair of jeans were loose on me. I didn't believe it at first so I tried on another pair which was usually tight. This pair fit like a glove and I was so excited that I had to show my husband. My immediate thought was to get on the weighing scale. For the first time ever in my life I saw the magic number and I almost fell off the scales. I didn't understand how this had happened. 

The reason this had happened was because I had actually listened to my body. I was being pleaded and begged for years to stop abusing it and start pampering it. As much as this sounds like a contradiction, sometimes you must feed yourself to shed the weight. I admit I had not eaten unhealthily in these past ten days, but the difference was I HAD eaten. Contrary to the past, I had fed myself the same food I feed my family and not worried about an extra chapatti or an added spoon of rice. I was eating and enjoying my food. I was not over eating because I was not obsessed with my food. My meals were a time to relax and not fret over calories. I honestly believe I was allowing my digestive system to work in a relaxed fashion and it didn't feel my pressure or anxiety which had otherwise stressed it in the past. 

This was indeed an awakening and I seriously felt like a million dollars again, but not because I looked good but because I felt good. Coming back to my wedding day, it was far far more important to be emotionally in tune with myself than to be physically in tune. I told my husband about my little secret and he said he had observed a calmer member at the dining table, hoping she was going to stay and not bounce back to her old ways.

It has now been over a month since I made this discovery. The weighing scale reads the same magic number, I fit into all my clothes, I have resumed the gym but I am not obsessed with it. At present I am actually on a fitness break and it doesn't even bother me. I am eating EVERYTHING and I have people who can vouch for that. What I have worked on is to find an equilibrium and a sense of internal tuning. I listen to my body and it responds back. I am nice to it, so it rewards me by being nice back. The rewards can include simple things like sleeping well, not feeling bloated, not feeling starved and more than anything I feel beautiful. 

In life we can spend years doing a yo yo diet, being on a liquid diet, starving, over eating and simply obsessing over a number or a measurement. I will not deny that I don't care about my size, of course I care, but the minute you start caring about your body and not just the naked anatomy, well this is when you can expect a change. We all know what foods are good for us and we even know which fitness plan can benefit us. Nevertheless, we often hammer ourselves with goals and objectives. When you struggle is when your body is crying to you and telling you to stop! Just pay attention and I can guarantee you will be happier, healthier and HOT!!