Waiting room wonders

Normally when I am sitting in a waiting room for a doctors visit, which happens quite a lot since I have young children and also an elderly mother in law, these moments, minutes or as today was an hour are spent either surfing my phone or reading the sensational magazines they have on offer for all the patients and accompanying people. I usually do not indulge in speaking to the others waiting in the same room, mostly because I am assuming no one is there out of choice. 

Today however was quite a different story. I spent an entire hour speaking to a mother, a wife, a woman who in my opinion should be given the medal for having the strongest mind, a faith which I could feel in the room and above all love which she displayed towards her entire family, especially her son Pep. 

This is the story of Anna who has a 33 year old son who is epileptic since he was 4 years old. Ups and downs would be an understatement if I were to describe the experiences she has lived in the caretake of her son. Pep who is an athletic and extremely sporty young man was diagnosed very early with this disease and started treatment, in order to lead a somewhat normal life. In the early years of his condition, things were pretty stable because as I know too, you can control your young children and give them a life which doesnt require too much self independance from their side. As Pep grew older, now 17 years of age, his medication had stopped working as effectively on him and this was the most testing period for Anna and her family. Pep suffered notoriously between 17 and 26 years of age and this also marked a period when he wanted to be independant and follow the life of a normal young adult, as his fellow peers. In Epilepsy you are required to sleep 8 solid hours between 12am-8am or at least fulfill these 8 hours within the normal realms of night sleep, you cannot drink alcohol, you cannot drive and basically for a young boy such restrictions are like binding iron chains. 

Pep has a  passion for cars, just like most boys and he had to take his driving test 6 times before passing it. So extraordinary was his dedication that he never gave up. Once he had his license, he wanted to drive a car but his family feared this would not be good for him, so what he did was make copies of all the keys of the cars at home and hid them in his room. Once his parents found these keys, Pep resorted to hiring cars for a few days and would park the vehicle far from his home, so his parents would never know he had a car. All this rebellion is common for any parent who has a healthy teenage child, but Anna feared the life of his son each time a situation of this kind would arise. I have not had sound sleep for years, often waiting for Pep to come home safe or waiting for a seizure to occur which often happened at nights when he was in his sleep - Anna 

His epileptic seizures went from laughing episodes in his sleep to extremes like banging his head against the night stand of his bed until bleeding in the face. So intense are these moments lived by all the members of the family that not only does epilepsy leave marks on the patient but also on those surrounding the patient. Anna spoke of her daughter, 10 years younger to Pep. Nuria was 11 when she had to see her brother live these seizures and as a result of this trauma, till date has a hard time making bodily contact with most strangers. 

After several failed attempts of trying different types of medication, barbiturates and other AED's, some having disastrous results on him, not to mention the expense, Anna heard of an operation which had been performed in the USA and  was advised by her neurologist to enquire further into this as a possible solution to better Pep's quality of life. It seemed this surgery removed the seizures located in the brain, enabling patients to continue living a perfectly normal life with little or no medication. Pep had to qualify for this surgery and this was determined via a 7 day close monitoring period, where his medication was completely removed and he was watched in a hospital whilst he suffered convulsions and a series of seizures. Anna described this to be the worst week of her life, because all these years she had prevented such episodes from occuring and now she was forced to watch how her son had jerking leg and arm movements, threw himself on the ground and even licked the walls of the hospital room! As she described these episodes to me I could see tears swelling her eyes, but she continued to speak and share her story with me. 

Once this period of hell was over, Pep had officially been qualified to get the surgery done. It was a moment of progress, euphoria and a ray of light was seen down the corridor. Nevertheless, it was not going to be a simple procedure given that his seizures were located in the front on his head, nearing the centre of the forehead. The doctor had said he would intersect from the ears and work his way in, but a risk was always hovering. Cutting the connectons between the two sides (hemispheres) of the brain stops seizures spreading from one to another, but it doesn't stop the seizures all together and it could give him more seizures than before. Pep however was the one who decided he would take the leap and get the surgery done. He was 26 and had every right to make that decision!  

The operation lasted 7 hours and Anna mentioned she was ready for the worst. In her eyes she had seen her child suffer enough and this was a possibility for his life to get better. He has never complained about his condition or the numerous blood tests or pills he has always had to take and therefore I believe he is a good human being, so deserves a break. - Anna

A miracle took place and the surgery was successful, to the extent that he didnt suffer any side effects. A year after the operation, Pep had not had a single seizure and now after 7 years he is leading a normal life, aided by some medication to prevent any possible seizures. 

In this whole journey the family has lived together, Anna explained how each member of the family has been affected in a different way, but all that bitterness has been sweetened by a recovered Pep and a young man who lost 9 years of his young adult life, but is now living that void of his 20s in his 30s. It's a small price to pay, but they are all thankful to the medical team at El Clinico de Barcelona, who despite making them wait for 22 months before being listed for the operation, proved to be the guardian angels for Pep. 

A story which has touched my heart and made me realise how much mental strength and faith can do for a human being. Pep being an epileptic patient has run the half marathon of Barcelona this year, plays for a local basketball team, drives his own car and even plays 5 a side football with a group of friends.

Anna is a strong woman who despite having lived so much in her life was smiling at every opportunity during the entire conversation. She spoke to me like she had known me for years and her down to earth attitude also made me realsie how experiences in life ground you and make you a better person. 

  

Mi alma ... Madrid

Echo de menos su aliento

Sigo sintiendo las calles en mi corazón

Mi pulmón

Mi barrio

Conozco bien su abecedario

Echo de menos a la gente

Las palabras de diente en diente

Las palabrerías 

Articulamos un montón

Chulos un mogollón

Pero me da igual

Así somos los de Madriz

Nada que cubrid

Un cortado largo

Algo amargo

La porra en Atocha

La Meca del mixto

Tortilla con pimiento

En la barra me siento

Una metrópolis colosal

Yo la siento como el cordón umbilical

El caos de la Granvía

La Castellana

Que maestría

El centro tiene su encanto

Las calles empedradas

Callejones pequeños

Las tiendas... sus dueños

La simpatía del madrileño

Yo soy amante del Salamanca

Las arterias del lujo

Velázquez... Goya... Serrano

Cuidan a las demás 

Camina por allí... las descubrirás

Te echo de menos

Madrid

Best Friends - Fact or Myth?

Have you ever wondered how you met your best friend/s? Just think for a few minutes on how you met some of these people. I'm sure many of these encounters were so random that you would've probably classified them as unlikely to occur in a real life situation. Is it a random process we meet the people we meet or is there something mystical about it? I don't think I actually understand it at times, and I would say it is completely random. There are several theories that examine the concept of friendship and I have decided to embark on some of these to highlight the journey we follow in making our friends, what determines a long lasting friendship and how technology has affected the significance of the word friend.

We spend years at the same school and surrounded by the same people everyday, so chances are you will talk to these people, make friends there and it would make sense to make your best friends at a place you regularly attend. However, how many of you can actually say your best friends went to school with you? Perhaps some of you can, but I think a lot of it has to do with character formation. We develop as human beings every 7 years. Every cell in the body is changed over a period of seven years and recent studies have shown far more significant emotional, physical and mental changes seem to occur over these seven-year intervals. Of course we cannot determine any fixed boundaries, therefore it is not possible to say when each person achieves their levels of maturity at any period in their life.

As an example, between the ages of 14 -21 is usually thought to be the time when we would probably develop our greatest of friendships as one is a lot more conscious of themselves in a new way and sees life with a different relationship, added to the fact that you are spending many hours of the day with the same people at school, and later university. However, as a youth you are also undergoing a big change of independence and feel the need to explore a purpose for life and a realisation of choices. This period is basically a time of adding maturity, dignity and poise to a person. You are volatile to commitment and your viewpoint is constantly changing, therefore may face difficulties to maintain tight friendships for long periods of time, as well as partners.

In addition a recent study done by Iroise Dumontheil, a specialist in the adolescent brain who carried out her research at University College London's Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience concluded that although teenagers have the physical body of young adults, their brains are still similar to those of younger children, meaning they are more disorganised and easily distracted than older people. We have always believed that teenagers are just naturally rebellious, however the fact of the matter is that MRI scans have shown teenagers' brains contain too much grey matter, this is the part that carries messages, which means the thought process is far more chaotic than that of an adult. This grey matter decreases with age and thus an adult brain works more efficiently and in an orderly fashion.

I relate this study to friendship because as a teenager your brain can only plan in the short term and feel the only people who really understand you are your friends, as they too are going through the same changes. Such years of friendship are so intense that it's normal to consider those individuals your best friends. Once you evolve into an adult, usually in your mid twenties, this is when you perform self analysis and it's a stage where you see traits of yourself that have been influenced by your family, peers and society. You are most creative and at your peak of efficiency at about 35 years of age. It is but normal that you will want to be surrounded by the same passion and creativity and therefore choose your friends in this light.

This data is merely a slice of the investigation, but puts into perspective the changing patterns of a human being over time and how these changes reflect on your personality. It is unlikely that your 10 year old friend will remain your best friend when you are 25. We choose to label them far too quickly and often realise the pressures of mislabelling them many years later, noticing you no longer have much in common or share a connection of a best friend. You can detect this when you refer to them in the past. We used to have a great time, we did this, and he said that.

There is another more spiritual theory based on the author Jean Dominnique Martin where friendships are based on the laws of cause and effect. A true friend can be considered to be a part of your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If they come into your life for a reason, you have probably expressed a need that has to be met and they are there to assist you through a difficulty or provide you support and guidance. Sometimes circumstances dictate that they must walk away or even fade into anonymity, for no apparent reason. This usually hurts us, as we cannot understand the reason why it happened. What you must remember is that your needs were met and the work is done, this friend came into your life for a reason!

If they come for a season, this usually means you both have to share an experience of growth or new initiatives for the future. An example would be primary school, a job or even an exchange programme. These friends can give you endless joy and make you laugh too. Nevertheless, certain situations can cause them to step out of their comfort zones or they are unable to take the extra leap with you any longer or vice versa. The seasonal circle has come to an end and they will exit your life. I would like to add to this my own theory, which I have experienced with some seasonal friends. At some point in life these individuals will actually return and you will pick up on the friendship, which had stagnated for various reasons that was not in control of you or them. This second time round you will notice both have matured and can identify each other’s traits more clearly and there is a sense of acceptance from each one. If they return, this can be a step toward the next type of friend - Lifetime!

Such relationships are hard to recognise at first but once you learn some important lessons of life, the people who teach you these lessons are usually your lifetime friends. We don’t always make lifetime friends early in life; it is possible that their entry only comes after we have crossed our 30s or even 40s. Going back to the seven yearly changes we experience, it is said from 35-42 years of age you feel the need to share whatever you have gained through life with others and almost look to unfold something, similar to a flower which finally flourishes after being in process of growth all this time. Usually you just want to surround yourself by individuals who complete you and do not feel the need to make new friends. In this period you can actually see in yourself the average of 5 people closest to you. These people will influence you greatly and if they are true friends, will bring out only the good in you.

A lifetime friend will accept you for who you are and thanks to them you will probably untap traits of your personality which were previously dormant. Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin.

Coming back to the point about being like the 5 closest people who surround you, this does not apply just in the positive sense, but also vice versa. Often we reach a point in our lives where suddenly you admit to yourself that those who are supposed to be your good friends are in fact weighing you down. E.g. if your friend indulges in looking for an easy way out, tells "white lies", makes excuses etc., it is only before time you start slacking off in those areas and justifying your own behaviour as "acceptable". As we hit our mid 30s we generally take time to inspect our own self and this is when we realise who is right for us and who isn't.

Ask yourself this question, what kind of a person were you 2 years ago and who are you today? Are the same people present in your life at both stages, have you eliminated friends, added new ones? Are you comfortable with who you are?

This now brings me to the final theory and my favourite one. Aristotle’s Theory on Friendship.
His view is based on three basic notions. 1) Friendship is based on utility, so you benefit from something by being in the company of that person. 2) Friendship is based on pleasure, your feelings intervene here. E.g. when we are young we are often regulated by our feelings as the chief interest in a friendship, like physical attraction. This is why we fall in and out of friendship quickly, once this attraction wears off. 3) Perfect friendship is based on goodness, for these people each alike wish good for one another and are good in themselves. Each loves the other for what he is and not for any incidental quality. Love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Aristotle says friendship lies rather in the active loving than in being loved. Though most people sadly are more anxious to be loved than to love.

In our western societies we can probably identify the first and second notion quite clearly amongst friends, but in a culture, which is dominated by expressive and utilitarian individualism, we have problems seeing the third notion of a shared commitment to the good. Such friendships indeed are rare because men of such kind are only a few.

I conclude that friendships today can be identified on different levels and perhaps have become "thinner" than before. When I say thin, I mean there are far more restrictions, categories, socio economic boundaries and definitely too many expectations from a good friend. A final point, which I would like to finish with, is the existence of the social media in our lives and how we choose to use it to interact with our friends.

Facebook is a an example I will use as most of us are familiar with this social networking service which intends to connect family, friends and peers through a virtual network. A big benefit Facebook gives is to connect with people from all walks of life that we may not be able to meet normally.

However, not meeting them and speaking to them through a computer can create a notorious danger where you confuse digital intimacy for true intimacy. We always find it easier to write something than to say it out loud. Therefore, what happens is you are under a false illusion that you are close to a number of people, when in fact you really are not. Would it be inappropriate to label these friends as fake friends? I don't completely condone the idea of Facebook, as I am an active user myself. I am simply bringing to light this new avenue for friendships, which unfortunately is holding us back from spending time with our real friends who are nearby and can be touched, seen and hugged.

I dedicate this article to those friends of mine who I consider my pillars and you know who you are. Thank you for lending me your ears, giving me love, making me realise everyday that true friendship is not fleeting and I love you.

Sweet Pain

I've arrived for my daily spree
One two three
Shove out the stress, I feel free
Stretch out
A mild jog
The prologue

Everyone here's on a mission
Lifting weights
Vibrating power plate
Contracting muscles
An adrenlain hustle bustle

An abdominal circuit
Rep after rep
Take a deep breath
Correct your technique
Burning oblique
Sudden fatigue

Triceps calling
I can hear the chimes of the dumbbells
The flabby wake up call
Kick backs
Push ups
Repeat
Today there's no defeat

Legs and gluteus maximus
Sweet hippopotamus
No Bundchen buttocks... sigh
At least I try

Side to side
Squat and slide
One legged lunge
A suspended plunge

Some 52 minutes later
You can rest now
Say's the dictator

Sore but Successful
Aching but accomplished
Pained but powerful

Adjourned for the day

My Personal Training story with Julia Casal (2010)

I wrote this in 2010 for a competiton at my gym, where I had to deliver my Personal Training experience. I won the competiton for Spain and was runner up in UK. 

I joined the David Lloyd in December 2007, having just found out that I was pregnant with my second child. The obvious choice would have been to not join a new club given my situation and not knowing whether I would be able to justify the membership. However, I was encouraged by the sales rep at the club to get in the hands of a personal trainer and work out at a slower pace, ensuring I would not take any risks on overdoing my training. This convinced me and I was keen to discover the likes of being taken care of by a professional trainer.

I was introduced to Julia and explained my situation to her. She immediately took on board my needs, my weak points and above all made me feel very comfortable with her. I have always been keen on keeping fit, though I never knew my true potential till she pushed me and encouraged me to try out workouts that I never imagined I was capable of doing.

During my whole pregnancy she guided me so smoothly that at times I never even thought I was pregnant. Once I started to get heavier we slowed down my pace and started working on stretching more and getting a more mental preparation for the time of birth. During my fourth month I suffered an asthma crisis when travelling abroad and I came back with a fair amount of fear in my mind, questioning if it was safe to continue working out. Julia approached this fear very cautiously and explained to me it was entirely up to me and we could take it slowly without any pressure.

I went on training till I remember one day, now almost in my eighth month she told me that I had lasted this long at the gym thanks to my dedication and perseverance. I would like to add to that her words of encouragement and a unique way to always make me feel like I was making progress, even on my worst days.

Once my daughter was born, she suddenly took reigns of my body and we both realised how much work needed to be done. Undoubtedly I did feel energetic, only thanks to the fact that I had not stopped for 9 months, but as she would say “you need to feel like you are at a level of 9/10 now”. During my pregnancy we never crossed 5 or 6/10. I understood at this point how tactfully she had managed to keep me within the safe realms of realistic fitness standards for a pregnant woman. Her upmost concern at all times had been the baby!

We commenced with body pump classes at 7.30am, which was the only time of the day I could give to the gym then with a new born who I was nursing. Looking back I don’t know how I even found the motivation to come to the gym so early on such cold mornings. During my time with Julia she actually discovered that I may need to wear insoles as I had a tendency to injure my knees caused by incorrect treading of my feet on the ground. This changed my life as I realised I could do so much more once my knees and feet stopped hurting as much.

With time we brought back my cardio levels and within less than a year after giving birth I was running and actually considering mini marathons. I give most of the credit to Julia, again for her constant push and silent dedication she gave to me, even during group classes.

As time has gone by I have discovered a fitness level in me which cannot be matched to anything I have ever felt in my whole life. I am 32 years old but feel like I am in my 20s. Julia has turned my life around a full 180ºC. After this pregnancy it’s not just the weight loss I have valued but more the energy and vitality I have gained. This has enabled me to run two races, attend spinning classes and do advanced Pilates with an ease I cannot explain! The treadmill has become my best friend and going to the gym has become a drug which I actually miss when I let go for more than a week. Julia finds innovative workouts for me to follow and I never get bored of them.

People ask me where I find the time to go to the gym with two children to take care of, a home to manage and work part time. I have learnt in the last two years that you are nothing if your health is not with you. Being in the hands of a trainer has given me my health back and bettered my quality of life. Despite having a background of asthma I have learnt that such obstacles simply need to be controlled and not allow them to control you.  

In simple terms I consider my personal trainer an investment which has given me high returns without any extra interest or risks incurred!

Julia was my first ever trainer and at this moment in time I would not give her up for anyone else.

Does everything always happen for a reason?

Nothing happens by chance

For a long time I used to relentlessly question why things would go wrong in my life and seek an answer to the why in all the bad things I would encounter. I realised this would actually distress me further and too much time and negative energy was being consumed, whilst no answers were found. As rash as the following sounds, I decided to stop caring and let life lead its course. It seemed to me that where I was otherwise spending so much time thinking about my misfortunes, if I channelled this time into something more creative and fun, I would reap more benefits and distract my mind too.

In this process of change, I did of course become a little more selfish and where perhaps before I would blame myself for a negative outcome and take strict care in protecting others, the latter had now stopped and I refused to empathise as much anymore. I saw short term benefits from this attitude change but deep down all I was really doing was ignoring the problem by putting up a facade and not fully accepting the fact that negative events take place in our life and we should just face them sooner or later. I was in fact more pissed off with the universe than before.

Then one day I was driving and was looking for a parking space in the city centre. I was already running late for my appointment and was convinced that not in a million years was I going to find parking that day and cursed myself and the city traffic. I stopped at a traffic light and then saw the light change from red to green and I had read in a book about voicing your positive thoughts out loud and if you think positively then the outcome will be positive too. The change from red to green triggered off this thought and I actually started chanting out loud "I am going to find an amazing parking spot". I did think I was somewhat mad to be chanting in my car like this, but a part of me really believed this would work. Within a minute I actually found a parking spot and in no time was I walking towards my appointment venue. It turned out the person I had to meet had missed the bus and they arrived five minutes after me.

This incident taught me a few things. Sometimes your natural path of life can take detours and although we translate this to a negative event, the truth is these minor disasters can often be wonderful gifts, hidden opportunities or life enhancing lessons. The red traffic light turning green was a sign that inspired me to remember what I had read in the book and therefore made me think in a positive way and the fact that I was late didn't matter as I had used that delay towards my personal enhancement and that was the moment I was meant to learn my lesson. I arrived at my appointment in a happy state of mind. Perhaps me finding the parking spot was purely coincidental, as was the person missing the bus and as was I reading into the traffic light too. However, all these events occurred together and what I did was to reap the benefits from each one and see the positive outcome.

As time has passed I still continue not to dwell on things as much as before, but I have added another element to my attitude of dealing with the worst. I want to believe that the things that happen to me have a meaning and that's how life should be. There are definitely days when I feel like I'm the protagonist of a dramatic soap opera, but I try hard to reverse my thoughts to believing that there is a purpose and value to it all. Being positive out loud obliges you to vocalise these thoughts and somehow make it real. When we discover the meaning of these unexpected events, everything literally changes 180º!

How?
You actually believe you are stronger and almost invincible because you have learnt to take the punches and not punch back, but stand strong whilst life continues to punch you. Life will eventually get tired and take off its gloves and wear soft mittens.

You actually feel wiser as you are able to decipher the intricate web of disastrous events and envisage the connection between them.

I will state the example of my training months leading up to my half marathon. From mid December till the month of February approximately, I had to face a different obstacle each week, which hindered my training progress towards the final goal. It varied from cutting cold temperatures to my children falling sick to family stress to me getting a blister, which later got infected only a week before the race. I think the list goes on. After the third week I noticed how it was no coincidence that some new surprise was coming my way and I identified these series of negative events. I decided to actually wait for the next obstacle to come to me and not shy away from it. When I got my blister and my foot was plastered up, disabling me from walking, let alone running I remember telling myself that I will give this misfortune three days to heal and after that I will be at the gym doing my final training before the run. I accepted this final punch as a gift to make me rest before the marathon and took it as a blessing, rather than a disaster. Sure enough I was training within three days and ultimately I was able to finish my marathon smoothly. Had I got the blister in the week of the race, well that would have definitely put me out of the race, so there was a reason why I got it a week before.

When you discover the reason why something happens, you also liberate yourself from self-blame and from blaming others. Normally blame is the easiest answer to any catastrophe and as human beings we hate facing the truth so find consolation in blaming others or blame ourselves to simply label the why. However, when one blames it's like shoving dirt under the carpet, sooner or later the dirt comes out and this blame keeps fogging your thoughts.

When you realise that things happen for a reason you are actually living in real time and not in the past, because you know the life you're meant to be living. Above all you are happy as you have consciously put the loss behind and are eager to embrace a future that only promises well.

Does everything always happen for a reason? I would say yes it does, but often the answers are so deeply profound that not even us the smart human beings are capable of understanding these reasons. In such instances it is always easier to just accept that there may not be a reason and simply it does because it just does. The mere acceptance of this event is often the biggest step towards moving forward and not in reverse.

Regardless of whether things take place for a reason or not, the most important element that solves most of our problems is the solution. We often forget that one can find a solution to most situations before labelling them as life or death. I always believe that under pressure one can perform shockingly better towards a critical situation than in a calmer state of mind. Therefore, in most cases always attempt to solve the problem before it solves you.

Ugly- (1995)

The day has only just begun

Nothing appears like it’s going to be fun

Roll in bed, twist and turn

It’s time to wake up and make a run

Open your eyes and remember

Remember that you are still here

Still far from looking thin and slender

I give up, I want to surrender

Stares and gazes that come my way

Everyday

All the time

Where ever I go, whatever I say

From the outside I appear okay

I have my fantasy

I have my dream

I leap into it and feel supreme

Here I am the princess

Pretty and flawless

The day has only just begun

Nothing appears like it’s going to be fun

Roll in bed, twist and turn

I really must get up and make the run

Reality is quite different

The world is real, not an illusion

My biggest disillusion

Late again, so what’s new?

Get to the bus stop and wait in the queue

I will just always be amongst those few