Pain Kills Pain

Climbing a mountain is very difficult and reaching to the top is even harder. Ask anyone who is a mountaineer.  However, what’s harder is coming down when you have suddenly been pushed and the speed with which you propel to the ground is so unimaginable and unconceivable that your brain actually finds it hard to process. I am referring to my experience, which I like to call 0 to 21 to 0. I have been running for four years now and the time itself indicates the effort I have put towards building my distances over the years. Somewhere down the line of 500-600 km later (I actually never kept count of the distance I have accumulated, because you tend to take it for granted once it becomes a part of your life), I found myself in a position where running was a taboo, a forbidden word, the opposite of realistic and seeing runners on the road made me literally cry. I’ve never really gauged my barometer of sensitivity but I can assure you it was bad.

I suffered a slip disc, which initially I was pretty much in denial of and refused to discuss with quite a few people. I still remember being told at my doctor’s visit and it didn’t sink in until I was driving back home and I had to stop my car because I burst into tears. I knew at that moment what I would miss the most was my running. I didn’t give a damn about the alternatives like cycling or swimming. What stung me was the hard fact that I would probably not be able to run like before or just not at all. In the initial stages of recovery I blocked out my passion for running and focused entirely on strengthening my legs again. From being a mountain runner, my legs felt like jelly merely climbing up the stairs in my home. I was physically weak and walking longer than fifteen minutes would bring back the gruesome pain, forcing me to not sit but lie down.

Whilst I was doing physiotherapy one day, I met with a man who had been run over by a car and he told me he felt he was barely lucky to even be able walk and running or any other high impact sport was written off his chart forever. I didn’t feel wonderful after speaking to him, but I did feel lucky to know I was not in his shoes, and mine fit far better!

The magic wand as I call it, was my chiropractor and good friend Doctor Gregory Veggia. Everyone, literally everyone in my surroundings had chalked off the possibilities of running again. To be honest what I heard a lot was “oh you poor thing, I guess that’s a goodbye to the running huh?” The tone all these people used felt so condescending and belittling. I am certain they only meant the best for me, but I could not feel the sympathy.

Coming back to Gregory, well he is a very realistic and no nonsense fellow. What struck me the most about his methodology was the patience with which he handled my vertebrae, his theory was always to take a positive step to recovery every week and initially what was a short walk turned into an hours walk and then I was told to return to the gym and try some light cycling. There was always a goal in mind. As a sports person I was able to relate to this approach. I had a timeline and I had an ultimate goal. He was and is specific with his treatment and asks all his patients to follow certain rules. I did indeed follow these and continue to do so. He was the only person who casually said to me “well we can have you running hopefully in the summer”. I think I almost felt the need to record his words and play them back to myself as motivation. It overwhelmed me to know this was possible.

The climb back up has been full of jagged moments. I initially started off cycling and felt good doing something different to my usual cardio activity. Nevertheless, my legs still lacked the power I was used to. I was attending the gym regularly but I continued to ache and generally felt lethargic. I knew there was something I was not doing right.

This point in my climb was negative and I went through days of being scared of the gym. My mind wanted to be there but my body was holding me back. I played hide and seek with myself and was in denial of the fact that I was still in pain. In this time of negativity, I bumped into an ex trainer of mine (Alberto Ramos) at the gym and he had been my pillar when I was training for my mountain run last year. We spoke about my problem briefly but I never made him see how low I really felt. He was actually leaving his job at the gym so we were saying goodbye. His parting words to me were “Don’t let go of your running ok?” His tone carried conviction and I really felt like he knew I was almost giving up. His words, as brief as they were, still resonate in my head every so often.

Gregory had warned me there would be good periods and then dark periods. Perhaps I was on the dark side and had to extract myself out of this phase. I took a small holiday and during my holiday I noticed my upper back felt like a block at the end of every day. We were out and about a lot and although I wore flat trainers everywhere and had given my heels their own vacation, I still ached like an old lady. The pain from my hips had disappeared but now I had welcomed a new phenomenon of agony. Frustration accompanied me but also led me to the solution. Pain kills pain. I was in bitter pain and I was in search of my sweet pain.

http://goldieuttamchandani.blogspot.com.es/2012/05/ive-arrived-for-my-daily-spree-one-two.html#.UehRCxZptD0

Suddenly I was made aware of what I needed to do. I had been focusing all this time on strengthening my legs. However what holds your legs up is your back. Not once had I thought about giving fuel to my back. Gregory was adjusting the vertebrae but it was my duty to fine tune these vertebrae and strengthen the muscles. I returned home and immediately started exercising the following week, concentrating this time on stretching the upper and lower back with the correct exercises. I am now in the care of a personal trainer again and she is specific to my needs, watching my progress every week.

Running was a fortuitous accident the first time and the return was again serendipitous. I was on the cycle two weeks ago, warming up a bit. I was listening to a track on my iPod and it brought back memories from a run I had done back in 2011. I felt compelled to get on the treadmill and simply try to jog for a few minutes. I felt like I was being sneaky and searching for a candy bar, but I am a big believer of following the right vibe and this vibe was to go and run. My first leg lifts almost felt like a baby taking his first steps. I recalled the few times in the recent past when I had attempted to cross the road with a small trot and failed miserably. I blocked out those images and focused on my music. 2.4 km later I was the happiest I had been in over two months. He was taking care of me and I knew this because I had no pain. A painless jog was a miracle.

Ever since I have broken down the walls every few days, increasing my distance but always maintaining a steady pace. I went through a run recently where after 3.3 km, my pain made a stubborn appearance. I froze and stopped immediately. There was an explanation for this and I determined the reasons for the pain. Once you are able to find an explanation for any problem, it automatically solves the problem by more than 50%. I applied the logic and the following day wore my faithful trainers, insoles, slept well the night before and stretched well before my run.

The following day was today. I had started my first run at 2.4 km and progressed through in two weeks to 5.75 km. This morning I felt ambitious to fight my war and win it. The victory entailed 10 km. It was a farfetched goal but my mind told me it was possible. I had physique on my side so really it was all about applying the technique and keeping it steady. 73 minutes later I clocked in at 10 km and the rush I felt cannot be explained. My legs were sore and jelly like, but this soreness was sweet and not gruesome. I hurt and will hurt tomorrow too, but I craved this agony for months and today I was able to achieve it. I didn't feel like a winner today, I felt someone greater.

Does a slip disc change your life? Believe me it does! Nevertheless, my philosophy in life has always been to mould yourself to the circumstances and keep doing what you do. Quite often the route will change, but the destination must always be the same.

I love wearing heels and can now wear them again. I love my food and can now eat a sneaky chocolate bar and not feel bad about it because my fitness regime is back. I love my mountains and I aim to go there next week and show off my best moves. I love to dance and have gone back to doing this with my favourite partner, my daughter.

I do realise I will probably not be able to cover the larger distances so easily and nor should I aim to make running my only sport. Balance is best and I know incorporating more of the cycling and swimming will benefit my condition. I am looking forward to these new adventures but I will remain faithful to my first love and run when my legs and back tell me it’s good to go! 0 to 21 http://goldieuttamchandani.blogspot.com.es/2012_02_01_archive.html#.UemuABZptD0 was a very tough journey I have to admit. However, this one here has been the toughest one yet and perhaps that’s what He had planned for me. What won’t kill you will only make you stronger.

I call out to all those individuals who have suffered an injury of any kind, big or small; if you can try to avoid surgery then please do. If your physiotherapy is not allowing you to fully recover then embrace other more holistic methods of treatment. In my case it was a chiropractor and I thank Gregory everyday. I also thank those angels who simply say the right words at the right time and bring you up from the dark side.

I have come back from 0 to 10 and believe me I’m still counting. I wear my experience like a crown and the best way to remain steady in any run is to see that crown on yourself and remind yourself that you were down and now you are up. Coming back up after being at the top is rough, but the merits the second time round are far sweeter.