Does everything always happen for a reason?

Nothing happens by chance

For a long time I used to relentlessly question why things would go wrong in my life and seek an answer to the why in all the bad things I would encounter. I realised this would actually distress me further and too much time and negative energy was being consumed, whilst no answers were found. As rash as the following sounds, I decided to stop caring and let life lead its course. It seemed to me that where I was otherwise spending so much time thinking about my misfortunes, if I channelled this time into something more creative and fun, I would reap more benefits and distract my mind too.

In this process of change, I did of course become a little more selfish and where perhaps before I would blame myself for a negative outcome and take strict care in protecting others, the latter had now stopped and I refused to empathise as much anymore. I saw short term benefits from this attitude change but deep down all I was really doing was ignoring the problem by putting up a facade and not fully accepting the fact that negative events take place in our life and we should just face them sooner or later. I was in fact more pissed off with the universe than before.

Then one day I was driving and was looking for a parking space in the city centre. I was already running late for my appointment and was convinced that not in a million years was I going to find parking that day and cursed myself and the city traffic. I stopped at a traffic light and then saw the light change from red to green and I had read in a book about voicing your positive thoughts out loud and if you think positively then the outcome will be positive too. The change from red to green triggered off this thought and I actually started chanting out loud "I am going to find an amazing parking spot". I did think I was somewhat mad to be chanting in my car like this, but a part of me really believed this would work. Within a minute I actually found a parking spot and in no time was I walking towards my appointment venue. It turned out the person I had to meet had missed the bus and they arrived five minutes after me.

This incident taught me a few things. Sometimes your natural path of life can take detours and although we translate this to a negative event, the truth is these minor disasters can often be wonderful gifts, hidden opportunities or life enhancing lessons. The red traffic light turning green was a sign that inspired me to remember what I had read in the book and therefore made me think in a positive way and the fact that I was late didn't matter as I had used that delay towards my personal enhancement and that was the moment I was meant to learn my lesson. I arrived at my appointment in a happy state of mind. Perhaps me finding the parking spot was purely coincidental, as was the person missing the bus and as was I reading into the traffic light too. However, all these events occurred together and what I did was to reap the benefits from each one and see the positive outcome.

As time has passed I still continue not to dwell on things as much as before, but I have added another element to my attitude of dealing with the worst. I want to believe that the things that happen to me have a meaning and that's how life should be. There are definitely days when I feel like I'm the protagonist of a dramatic soap opera, but I try hard to reverse my thoughts to believing that there is a purpose and value to it all. Being positive out loud obliges you to vocalise these thoughts and somehow make it real. When we discover the meaning of these unexpected events, everything literally changes 180º!

How?
You actually believe you are stronger and almost invincible because you have learnt to take the punches and not punch back, but stand strong whilst life continues to punch you. Life will eventually get tired and take off its gloves and wear soft mittens.

You actually feel wiser as you are able to decipher the intricate web of disastrous events and envisage the connection between them.

I will state the example of my training months leading up to my half marathon. From mid December till the month of February approximately, I had to face a different obstacle each week, which hindered my training progress towards the final goal. It varied from cutting cold temperatures to my children falling sick to family stress to me getting a blister, which later got infected only a week before the race. I think the list goes on. After the third week I noticed how it was no coincidence that some new surprise was coming my way and I identified these series of negative events. I decided to actually wait for the next obstacle to come to me and not shy away from it. When I got my blister and my foot was plastered up, disabling me from walking, let alone running I remember telling myself that I will give this misfortune three days to heal and after that I will be at the gym doing my final training before the run. I accepted this final punch as a gift to make me rest before the marathon and took it as a blessing, rather than a disaster. Sure enough I was training within three days and ultimately I was able to finish my marathon smoothly. Had I got the blister in the week of the race, well that would have definitely put me out of the race, so there was a reason why I got it a week before.

When you discover the reason why something happens, you also liberate yourself from self-blame and from blaming others. Normally blame is the easiest answer to any catastrophe and as human beings we hate facing the truth so find consolation in blaming others or blame ourselves to simply label the why. However, when one blames it's like shoving dirt under the carpet, sooner or later the dirt comes out and this blame keeps fogging your thoughts.

When you realise that things happen for a reason you are actually living in real time and not in the past, because you know the life you're meant to be living. Above all you are happy as you have consciously put the loss behind and are eager to embrace a future that only promises well.

Does everything always happen for a reason? I would say yes it does, but often the answers are so deeply profound that not even us the smart human beings are capable of understanding these reasons. In such instances it is always easier to just accept that there may not be a reason and simply it does because it just does. The mere acceptance of this event is often the biggest step towards moving forward and not in reverse.

Regardless of whether things take place for a reason or not, the most important element that solves most of our problems is the solution. We often forget that one can find a solution to most situations before labelling them as life or death. I always believe that under pressure one can perform shockingly better towards a critical situation than in a calmer state of mind. Therefore, in most cases always attempt to solve the problem before it solves you.