The Power of Positive Energy

I live in Spain and unfortunately in the last few years we have been victims of a heavy economic crisis, which leaves the average person in doubt on whether their job is on the line, a business owner has to lay off employees, a parent wonders if they can afford private schooling for their children and a student is in the limbo on who will give them a job. Not a pretty scenario overall. This has produced a lot of bad energy, negative attitudes, poor expectations and just a general feeling of uncertainty. I know none of this is new to any of you. However, what we all ask ourselves is how is it possible to look ahead, keep fighting, stand up against all odds and continue to be "positive"?

Energy is a powerful source of fuel for the human being. I know we all must eat healthy and sleep enough hours to function in equilibrium and often our physical energy depends a lot on these two factors. In this case though, I am referring to mental energy which if we are in shortage of, can damage our eating and sleeping patterns. A vicious circle is what's created from bad mental energy.

I completely agree that when we are feeling down, nothing seems clear and all we really do are the wrong things. Scientifically it is proven that eating the wrong food only damages your mental state of mind and what do we usually do when in stress, eat chocolate, fried food and stock up on carbs and even resort to alcohol. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong in indulging once in a while, but let's be honest, all this really does is add layers to the problem and we are simply running away from it. 

How do we address it?

Frankly I don't think there is one single solution for everyone. However, in recent times I have strongly learnt to believe in positive energy that is generated by each and every one of us. I think all of us have it in us to be happy and be happy for others too. Unfortunately, circumstances around us often derail us from being happy and more importantly transmitting happiness to others. It is far more important to actually give happiness to another person than to sit and sulk in front of them about your problems. I know we must think about ourselves and love ourselves, but how will you love yourself if you are unable to love someone else first? 

Let me give you an example I find very useful. You wake up in the morning on the wrong foot for whatever reason and decide automatically it's going to be a bad day. You have ruled off any possibilities that this day could get better. This is negative energy being formed within you. Your first contact is with a complete stranger, let's say the coffee shop attendant. Now imagine what happens if they greet you with a big smile and say good morning. I'm pretty sure for that short moment you have felt slightly better about your day, because someone greeted you with a smile. Let's not forget that the coffee shop attendant could have also started their day with a disaster and turned up to work in a bad mood. 

Nevertheless, the difference between them and you is the energy transmitted. I don't say you should be fake, but a smile or a pleasant greeting is effortless and trust me goes a very long way. In this example you have generated bad energy and will probably send it out to all those that come your way. Yes you will feel better because you are releasing it, but in exchange you are not producing any positive energy are you? In fact, if you attract negative, you will receive negative. The coffee shop attendant has chosen to emit positive energy, albeit in small spurts. In exchange though, they stand far higher chances of getting back the same positivity from others.

Easy to blame others

A lot of our misfortunes are not always our fault I agree. However karmically we have role to play in this universe and must take responsibility for what happens to us. If you are successful and happy, do you ever give your credit to someone else? So why then do you find it so easy to blame someone when you have failed in something? I do this too, but there comes a point when we do have to grow up and analyse our failures. This is otherwise known as self criticism and introspection. I believe this process prevents us from blaming and in turn sending out negative ions and creating collateral damage. Instead, I believe what's more important is solving the problem yourself or discussing it with another person but always with a positive outlook towards a solution. I always tell my kids that if we have a plan A, there should always be plan B and even C. In the event that plan A fails, well we can turn to the alternative. Isn't that what big companies do to avoid losing a lot of money and time?

Well I consider my life to be valuable too, so having a back up plan will only help. Do you see what's happening in all this planning? You are able to give off positive solutions and therefore steer clear from the bad.

Where do we find our energy source?

So now that we know how to detect our negative energy moments and also have realised that it is our responsibility to solve the issues and not blame others, the net step is to figure out where these reserves of positive energy lie or how are they generated.

Normally a lot of solutions are offered, such as listening to music which makes you feel good, wearing bright clothes, getting ready and making an effort to look beautiful, having a clean home and workplace, practicing yoga or other forms of exercise. I do agree that all of the above can contribute towards giving you a more positive attitude and clarity can prevail from all this. 

Nevertheless, what we need is to generate this energy and not just work with our reserves. In my experience I do find that I have to give as much genuine energy to others in order to then receive back from those same people. It will only work with individuals who have a genuine interest in seeing you happy and vice versa. The rest of the world you must be kind to and yes they will contribute towards a small percentage of these energy levels, but your gallons are coming from no one else but those who you truly love.

I am referring to your parents, siblings, partners, children, best friends and all those individuals who form your Fist of Five. In many cases these individuals need not be relationships either and often there is a energy source flourishing in a pet, a co worker or in a lot of cases in a spiritual Master. for me personally I have always found my biggest energy givers are my children and my husband. There are days when they will shower me with more energy and then I also find there are days when I am returning this energy back, because they could be having a supremely bad day. The one thing that does remain constant is that we never allow any negative energy to enter our circle. 

Let me give you another example. Recently I went on holiday with

my family and a group of close friends. We spent almost two weeks together and in that time there were lots of moments when the children were being a pain, our plans may have been changed, unexpected incidents may have occurred  and all these experiences were faced as one does. The one thing that I personally noticed was the energy between the eight of us. I never once felt there was even a tinge of negativity being transmitted from anyone. This is remarkable because actually it was this energy that was helping us to forget the impromptu moments of stress that may have otherwise weakened us as a group. I returned from my trip with handsome levels of positive energy and trust me this was showing on my face.

It is so important to acknowledge where your energy comes from and who you are then releasing it on. I am so sure that if I expelled my strength on the right people, this would double my returns. 

Concluding my theory, you must consume energy from the right people and give yours to everyone who crosses you in your daily life. By giving off flickers of positivity you will guard yourself from being hit back with negative currents. It's hard to be happy all the time but try to see it as being an actor. It's a stage we are on and no one needs to know what's behind your mask. Those who love you will take off the mask and not only inject you with fortitude but in turn you too will give them back more of the same. Give to receive double! 

Summer Fall

Peeling skin exfoliates off my golden tan
Flip flops hanging in the bathroom begging for some feet
Cardigan appears adorning the dining room chair
Flannel shirts make way to the laundry basket

A heavy humid air fights against opposing territories of light and rain
Air conditioning pauses against fluctuating highs and lows
Soups and salads shamelessly tease and flirt with each other

The Caribbean anklet no longer revealing its charms, blanketed away by a cotton sock
Slow coffee, slow music, slow traffic,
sliding towards a faster week on the bend
One last ice cream under a gloomy sky, hiding a timid sun

A new season is looming close
Bitter sweet expressions stare out at the burgundy mellows

Summer I will miss your warm slow love

Fall, you are such a weather-cock
Be gentle on me
Spare me your mosaic mood swings
October bitter mornings
And all the surprises that Fall brings ...

Definitions by Thoughts

COURAGE is walking into a room full of unknown people and the only one who knows you are scared to death are you.

INSTINCT is when you have a bird’s eye view and the rest are busy adjusting their lens.

TRUTH is what you tell yourself when no one else is around

FEAR is a question we don’t want the answer to

HAPPINESS is the moment where time and the world stands still

LOVE is when you’ve unlocked your heart and given him the master copy.

TRUST is when you say yes before hearing the other.

HATRED is feeding your ego and starving your intelligence

RESPECT is offering courtesy to others

STRENGTH is having your mind on a leash

FAILURE is when you try to please everyone

ENVY is examining another through a microscope and getting an ulcer in the process.

SUCCESS is your personal secret

ADVICE is an insurance policy for something you already know

INTELLIGENCE is a mental orgasm

BEAUTY is everywhere

CONFIDENCE is a strategic combination of patience and risk.

UNCERTAINTY is standing in an elevator blocking the doors from re closing

FREEDOM is waking up in the morning and not looking at the mirror on the wall but at the mirror in your soul

The Need Of The Hour

In light of the rape and sexual violence cases we read and hear about in the Indian news everyday and now even more on International headlines, it has become nothing short of an epidemic in India. Sadly the numbers only keep growing and despite all the protests and changes in the law which have been made, more so after the December 2012 Delhi gang rape incident, not only is that case still unresolved but hundreds of others just keep cropping up all over the country.

Safety for women in India has become a serious problem, especially in cities such as Delhi and Calcutta. One wonders where the root of the problem lies. Laws have been instilled, security for women has increased and the Indian legal system has even introduced fast track courts for cases of sexual violence to be resolved faster. Nevertheless the number of rape cases keeps growing. Why is that?

I was speaking to a friend about this and explained to her how affected I get when I read about or watch documentaries about such incidents. I feel helpless and wish to do something to help. It’s all good to manifest against such animal behaviour, push the Indian politicians in taking matters more at hand, demand more security for our women or even sympathise with or help the victims who have lived such horrendous ordeals.

Nevertheless, does any of this actually serve as a permanent solution towards eradicating this disease? It’s really just a punishment given to the culprits and in many cases a simple warning. Women continue to fear for their life and society still insists women don’t go out alone after dark and daughters are forever told to dress “appropriately”. There are many more examples of how a woman lives her life very differently in India than other parts of the world.

It is my belief that women in India today have been denied their freedom and I know it is a very strong allegation to make, but my personal experience is witness to this lack of freedom that I yearn when I am in India, albeit for a short period of time. I am a 35 year old woman with 2 children and I don’t feel I am able to go out with my children alone in a metro city such as Mumbai or Delhi, without being stared at, commented on, approached by men in bookstores, verbally harassed at an ice cream parlour and even touched on a crowded train. Thankfully, I am not wounded by these incidents and nor have they left me permanent scars. However, I do feel disgusted and manipulated against my will. This is the freedom I am talking about!

My friend told me the best I can do is what I am already doing and that is raising two sensitive and thoughtful human beings. Charity begins at home as we all know, but education also begins at home. Moral education is far more important than the academic one you will ultimately receive outside your home.

I have both a son and a daughter, and I get told that I must raise my daughter to be independent and street smart; given the volatile climate we live in today. I don’t disagree with this advice at all, but I believe the possible dangers that she may or may not face will be produced through her interaction with the opposite sex, if we are talking about sexual violence. Therefore, I must not forget that the opposite sex is also my son! I feel it is equally important to raise my son to be sensitive towards women and their needs.

I want this article to be about our sons and not just Indian sons. Rape and sexual violence is spread all over the world, unfortunately India touches my soul far more as I am an Indian woman living abroad. As a parent I do feel responsible for the men and women of tomorrow as I am raising two of them myself.

In this race of equality we have successfully shown our daughters to grow up like men and physically as well as emotionally be capable to stand boldly in societies where they have to fight the odds as adults. Isn’t that what poor Jyoti was doing before she got raped? She was pursuing her dream to become a doctor and fulfil a career where she was the daughter amongst sons. Her parents gave her the education and opportunities, despite their humble backgrounds.

If I am asking my daughter to stay away from a potentially risky situation with boys, then it is my duty to teach my son to watch his behaviour with girls. Be it male or female, when you raise either, a respect for the opposite sex is paramount in their upbringing. This reflects in the long run on their rights, their freedom and above all their dignity. The latter will ultimately have a huge repercussion on building a robust society.

My children are still very young so I cannot speak for my experience with teenagers or older. However, I believe seeds are sown early on and it’s the minor examples in your childhood that greatly shape your personality later on. Let me share some simple examples with you. I practice these at home and I am hoping my efforts are not going to waste.

If my daughter helps me to set the table for a meal, my son is responsible for clearing up afterwards. If she chooses to defend herself by hitting him when in a fight, he is not allowed to hit her back. An eye for an eye is not the practice we follow. He is given a verbal apology, followed by a hug.

If my son speaks rudely to me, his father immediately intervenes and demands an apology be made to me. My son is constantly reminded of the respect with which he must address his mother, grandmother and above all his younger sister.

We have nicknames at home for each other. My husband is the king and I am the queen. My son is the prince and daughter the princess. Through this naming system we have introduced a subtle hierarchy of both respect and equality between all the members of this family.

My children usually ask either of us for permission to do something important, and we have a rule where the other parent has to give consent in order for them to go ahead. If one of us disagrees, they are not allowed to go ahead. It makes no difference if my husband has said yes, because we are equal in parenting and my children are aware of this.

My husband and I both uproot from a traditional, more conservative Indian upbringing and it is a fact that there is always a subtle element of chauvinism in the way we take our decisions. However, the way in which we have evolved, compared to our parents is to encourage a more open channel of communication between my son and I and between my daughter and my husband. The angle from which I will possibly address a situation with my son will differ to my husband’s approach, but our destination is the same. These methodologies are what our son needs to see and respect, irrespective of the solution that he arrives at. He must be empathetic to a woman's point of view as well as a man's. 

My son is at an age where he finds girls silly and stupid. Clearly this is a phase, but we have always ensured that he is comfortable with his female cousins, given that he is in the minority. I never make a special effort to make sure my daughter has a girl to play with or my son has a boy to play with. They have to feel comfortable having both female and male friends, and growing up in such dynamics will encourage equality and comfort zones between both sexes.

Both my son and husband share a strong fondness for football, the sport watched as well as played. It is no secret that it is considered traditionally a more masculine sport. My son often makes comments like "football is for boys only!" I have never stopped him from enjoying the sport but off late my husband decided to involve my daughter more in the sport too, by showing her an album where you fill with stickers of the Spanish La Liga teams, their players, managers and other related information. She may not be playing the game, but she has created an interest in the game through this method. Both siblings now exchange stickers to fill their respective albums and my son has stopped saying that football is for boys only.  

I don’t believe it’s about raising a daughter or a son. I look at their personality and character first and decide how much more or less sensitive each one is. A human being is what I am raising! I went to boarding school at the age of 13 and my brother was 10 at the time. Even if he was the boy and I was the girl, it did not mean he was more ready to attend such an institution, just because boys are supposed to be tough and girls soft. The truth is, boys need to be soft when a situation calls for it and girls most definitely need to be tough when there is a need. If you type caste each gender, well that’s when the problems arise.

A woman with a firm character and moral values will never disrespect her father, husband or any man in her surroundings. She will not abuse her freedom or put down her family and lose her dignity by falling in the wrong company or indulging in incorrect practises. Her early moral education will stay with her, help her make the right choices towards a more functional and independent life.

Similarly, a man with the same moral sensibility and frame will never harm or harass another woman physically or mentally, whether she is the wife or any unknown woman. They won’t assault a woman’s basic rights of freedom and dignity. If a man is brought up with the correct pattern of thoughts, issues such as rape, verbal, emotional or sexual abuse are not going to find a place in his life. His position for a woman will be to respect her for her existence and the good she brings in his life as well as for society.

If you have a son, let him be the reason tomorrow for a girl to walk with her head up. The change is sitting in our home; we all must take responsibility for it.