Bullied

Bullying, it hurts you know
Bullets on your self-esteem
The last one chosen on a team
I cannot even scream

“Brown girl”
Look down, I wish I could reply and hurl
“Your hair smells”
It probably does
I’m not blonde or white
I don’t have a right to be right

Walk into class
Walking on shattered glass
Words of poison spat in my face
I wish I were invisible
And had no trace

The day has only just begun
No, it’s not going to be fun
“Oi Paki”
“Why’s your accent so tacky?”
Bleeding tears from inside
I want to go and hide

I lie in my bed
My veil has been broken
Unmasked the burden
I’ve admitted the unspoken

I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to live in this fear

Bullying, it’s real
You lose the ability to feel
Where ever I go, whatever I say
Who cares anyway?
I have to pretend I’m okay

Not Dead

In the silence I often hear the most important words

They are actually screaming through the pores of quiet

I don’t always need to talk,

My eyes are conversing

If only you looked

I’ve spoken to you a thousand times in my head

Pity you haven’t turned a page and read

I’ve burned on paper

Scribbled over the wounds

Come closer, you’ll smell the fumes

“Show me some emotion”

You’ve forgotten to play our movie in slow motion

I appear handicapped in my coma

Talk to me

Touch me

Let me smell your aroma

I’m wounded

Not dead

I’m here

Not dead

Is Texting A New Language?

Recently I was sent a text message, or rather a proper conversation of almost three paragraphs through a popular IM network. I actually had to stop and think for a whole minute to actually understand what I had been sent. It was not a mistake as the person was someone I know very well. However, the entire conversation had been typed using shortened forms of English words. I am used to receiving the occasional word here and there which I accept in the sentence if it is properly punctuated and doesn't have too many grammatical errors. This was a whole new language all together. I was tempted to write back and say why were they writing to me like a five year old. I refrained from humouring them and after patiently deciphering the conversation, replied.  It made me cringe to see words like thanq and f9. 

It was impressive how they had actually typed up the entire conversation pretty fast and used all the different possibilities that exist for shortened words. Surely this language must have been learnt by them through constant texting over time.

On the one hand I appreciate the short forms that have been created, but I also feel it to be completely unnecessary to do this if we no longer have restrictions with the number of characters that we use in a text. It used to be cost effective when SMS only allowed you a certain number of characters before a new text was charged. This is no longer the case as instant messaging is unlimited and free of cost. 

The importance of self presentation

I feel when we present ourself through an email it is done in a certain manner, especially when done for professional purposes. The same presentation is required via a text message in my opinion. I don't think we need to be as formal, but the basics of proper punctuation, grammar and spelling are paramount through any form of communication. It is argued that texting has always emulated speaking and this is why it is instant. A critic referred to texting as "penmanship for illiterates". I do think this takes it to an extreme but in many ways it replaces a voice in this jungle of technology that we live in. I am extremely pro-digitalisation, but I do think one must adapt to it with the same high standards you would put on yourself if you were going up on stage to give a talk on something important. I can text someone and use a comma when I am pausing in my head. This comma enables the other person to understand me far more clearly than to receive a text without any punctuation. These days, texting has replaced voice even in the professional world and quite often we may decide to send a text message to a fellow colleague or someone you don't know so well, just to avoid that phone call and not feel so bound.  Well imagine if you receive a text message from them and it reads like the conversation I received. I'm pretty sure you will judge that perfect stranger won't you? There is a fine line between using texts as a casual form of on going conversation with a family member or friend, but to use it with such laid back standards to communicate in the non social world can be cause for concern. 

Misinterpretations

There are people who use acronyms in texting and are confident they mean something which clearly they don't. I will give you the classic example of lol. The correct meaning of lol is laugh out loudly. It is widely used to emulate your reaction to something or even to add a lighter tone to something you are trying to say when texting someone. So, in effect lol saves you from sounding too serious on many occasions. This helps to not offend the person on the receiving end. On the other hand I have seen people use lol to abbreviate lots of love. Unfortunately this can have rather disastrous repercussions and contrary to what lol helps remedy, in this case it can offend and sometimes badly confuse the receiving end. Having multiple translations for acronyms like lol is merely one example of misinterpretations.

I will use another example. In many cases our reply to any question can be ok , okay!, k or okaay!! Frequent texters or as I like to call them finger bangers will be familiar with the interpretation of each of these replies. They read exactly the same don't they? Don't be fooled by the tone each one delivers. How on earth is one supposed to interpret the mood of the sender? Texting has opened up a mine field of feelings, emotions and oh lets not forget to mention Emoji. Smiley faces with all possible expressions from happy to sad to laughing to angry to even shocked in ten different forms. As the software updates get better, Emoji also keeps improving. The bottom line is, I believe individuals need to understand the abbreviations if they are going to attempt using them in texting, otherwise all it is doing is ridiculing them.

Is the English language suffering?

There is no official evidence that suggests or implies that texting has impaired a persons writing skills. Both these forms of communication are treated in separate brackets and texting is believed to be merely be a casual form of communication which has replaced voice calls.

Nevertheless, even though texting is under 20 years old and writing was invented over 5,500 years ago, in 2011 8 trillion text messages were sent and 95% of them were by mobile phone owners aged between 18-29 year olds. (onlineschools.com). That's a lot of texting, considering how old the "language" actually is. One merely needs to observe how the Oxford English Dictionary now officially holds a place for LOL, OMG, BFF and TMI. Do you know what all of them stand for? Apparently it is textish!

I do agree that one cannot point a finger and say to a texting person that they have "bad writing". It's like being opinionated and saying thats "bad music". We all have a right to write as we please, but can one accept the replacement of words that date back to over 80,000 years and suddenly spell them in a new light? I certainly cannot!

A study did show that people who are frequently texting, are less likely to accept new words than people who read more traditional media. There is a pressing need to be brief and to abbreviate everything when texting. This throws away any kind of detailed description, complex adjectives and even the use of imagery. I do understand that we do not actually speak the way we would write, but do you think you speak the way you text? Have a look at your texts and try to say them out loud. It would be quite the pantomime let me tell you.

Conclusions on generation text

They are here to stay and won't be leaving anytime soon. In this leap to become digital and adapt to textisms, students really must be monitored carefully at schools and the use of mobile phones must be restricted in classrooms. I fear the loss of vowels, consonants and punctuation marks. I fear their absence in essays and i fear seeing thx and pls. 

On the positive side, I also believe we the generation before gentext are responsible to for teaching them the differences between the English Language and the texting language. I manipulate both on a daily basis and I am well versed with all the ridiculous acronyms that exist out there, including lol (log off loser). It's entertaining and rather clever I believe, but what's even more mind blowing is our English language or any language for that matter.

Therefore, don't allow your 7th and 8th graders to fall in the traps of mixing both and attempting to create a very badly seasoned dish. It's almost as ghastly as mixing words from two different languages and trying to speak something only you understand.

Texting is the today and tomorrow of our communication but language is the mother of all communications.

In this lifetime...

I want to slide into the gaps of your thoughts that sketch vacant glances in your eyes. I want to hide between the tresses of your locks that hum in the wind. I want to whisper in between the spaces that separate your delicate fingers. I want to steal your glances in a crowded room, capture your consciousness and make it mine. I want to be the unuttered coil that binds our silences together. I want to inhale the breaths you take for granted, be that beat your heart skips. I want to be the sea you junction into, I want to be the transparent reason for your smile.

I don’t want your body, I want to nourish your soul. I want to soak in your aura, kiss you invisibly and dance in the sparkle of eyes. I want to stop the hands from moving time so you can be mine in this lifetime.

Time

Time and time again

Slaves we were then

Bound are we now

Ticking on tomorrow

Waiting on the pendulum

Chained by much or little

Rushing forward when young

Wishing to move back in old age

Time seems slow when we are waiting

In mourning

Lamenting

Time races fast when there is fear

When you are here

When death appears near

There’s never enough time

To make time

Yet memories linger

Eternally

Past and present merge

Indefinitely

Time is nothing but a shift

Sets some apart

Adrift

Time is value

Seconds for some

Weeks for an expecting mum

Months of growing up

To finally become

Years of hard work

Never enough for some

Time waits for no one

The Power of Positive Energy

I live in Spain and unfortunately in the last few years we have been victims of a heavy economic crisis, which leaves the average person in doubt on whether their job is on the line, a business owner has to lay off employees, a parent wonders if they can afford private schooling for their children and a student is in the limbo on who will give them a job. Not a pretty scenario overall. This has produced a lot of bad energy, negative attitudes, poor expectations and just a general feeling of uncertainty. I know none of this is new to any of you. However, what we all ask ourselves is how is it possible to look ahead, keep fighting, stand up against all odds and continue to be "positive"?

Energy is a powerful source of fuel for the human being. I know we all must eat healthy and sleep enough hours to function in equilibrium and often our physical energy depends a lot on these two factors. In this case though, I am referring to mental energy which if we are in shortage of, can damage our eating and sleeping patterns. A vicious circle is what's created from bad mental energy.

I completely agree that when we are feeling down, nothing seems clear and all we really do are the wrong things. Scientifically it is proven that eating the wrong food only damages your mental state of mind and what do we usually do when in stress, eat chocolate, fried food and stock up on carbs and even resort to alcohol. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong in indulging once in a while, but let's be honest, all this really does is add layers to the problem and we are simply running away from it. 

How do we address it?

Frankly I don't think there is one single solution for everyone. However, in recent times I have strongly learnt to believe in positive energy that is generated by each and every one of us. I think all of us have it in us to be happy and be happy for others too. Unfortunately, circumstances around us often derail us from being happy and more importantly transmitting happiness to others. It is far more important to actually give happiness to another person than to sit and sulk in front of them about your problems. I know we must think about ourselves and love ourselves, but how will you love yourself if you are unable to love someone else first? 

Let me give you an example I find very useful. You wake up in the morning on the wrong foot for whatever reason and decide automatically it's going to be a bad day. You have ruled off any possibilities that this day could get better. This is negative energy being formed within you. Your first contact is with a complete stranger, let's say the coffee shop attendant. Now imagine what happens if they greet you with a big smile and say good morning. I'm pretty sure for that short moment you have felt slightly better about your day, because someone greeted you with a smile. Let's not forget that the coffee shop attendant could have also started their day with a disaster and turned up to work in a bad mood. 

Nevertheless, the difference between them and you is the energy transmitted. I don't say you should be fake, but a smile or a pleasant greeting is effortless and trust me goes a very long way. In this example you have generated bad energy and will probably send it out to all those that come your way. Yes you will feel better because you are releasing it, but in exchange you are not producing any positive energy are you? In fact, if you attract negative, you will receive negative. The coffee shop attendant has chosen to emit positive energy, albeit in small spurts. In exchange though, they stand far higher chances of getting back the same positivity from others.

Easy to blame others

A lot of our misfortunes are not always our fault I agree. However karmically we have role to play in this universe and must take responsibility for what happens to us. If you are successful and happy, do you ever give your credit to someone else? So why then do you find it so easy to blame someone when you have failed in something? I do this too, but there comes a point when we do have to grow up and analyse our failures. This is otherwise known as self criticism and introspection. I believe this process prevents us from blaming and in turn sending out negative ions and creating collateral damage. Instead, I believe what's more important is solving the problem yourself or discussing it with another person but always with a positive outlook towards a solution. I always tell my kids that if we have a plan A, there should always be plan B and even C. In the event that plan A fails, well we can turn to the alternative. Isn't that what big companies do to avoid losing a lot of money and time?

Well I consider my life to be valuable too, so having a back up plan will only help. Do you see what's happening in all this planning? You are able to give off positive solutions and therefore steer clear from the bad.

Where do we find our energy source?

So now that we know how to detect our negative energy moments and also have realised that it is our responsibility to solve the issues and not blame others, the net step is to figure out where these reserves of positive energy lie or how are they generated.

Normally a lot of solutions are offered, such as listening to music which makes you feel good, wearing bright clothes, getting ready and making an effort to look beautiful, having a clean home and workplace, practicing yoga or other forms of exercise. I do agree that all of the above can contribute towards giving you a more positive attitude and clarity can prevail from all this. 

Nevertheless, what we need is to generate this energy and not just work with our reserves. In my experience I do find that I have to give as much genuine energy to others in order to then receive back from those same people. It will only work with individuals who have a genuine interest in seeing you happy and vice versa. The rest of the world you must be kind to and yes they will contribute towards a small percentage of these energy levels, but your gallons are coming from no one else but those who you truly love.

I am referring to your parents, siblings, partners, children, best friends and all those individuals who form your Fist of Five. In many cases these individuals need not be relationships either and often there is a energy source flourishing in a pet, a co worker or in a lot of cases in a spiritual Master. for me personally I have always found my biggest energy givers are my children and my husband. There are days when they will shower me with more energy and then I also find there are days when I am returning this energy back, because they could be having a supremely bad day. The one thing that does remain constant is that we never allow any negative energy to enter our circle. 

Let me give you another example. Recently I went on holiday with

my family and a group of close friends. We spent almost two weeks together and in that time there were lots of moments when the children were being a pain, our plans may have been changed, unexpected incidents may have occurred  and all these experiences were faced as one does. The one thing that I personally noticed was the energy between the eight of us. I never once felt there was even a tinge of negativity being transmitted from anyone. This is remarkable because actually it was this energy that was helping us to forget the impromptu moments of stress that may have otherwise weakened us as a group. I returned from my trip with handsome levels of positive energy and trust me this was showing on my face.

It is so important to acknowledge where your energy comes from and who you are then releasing it on. I am so sure that if I expelled my strength on the right people, this would double my returns. 

Concluding my theory, you must consume energy from the right people and give yours to everyone who crosses you in your daily life. By giving off flickers of positivity you will guard yourself from being hit back with negative currents. It's hard to be happy all the time but try to see it as being an actor. It's a stage we are on and no one needs to know what's behind your mask. Those who love you will take off the mask and not only inject you with fortitude but in turn you too will give them back more of the same. Give to receive double! 

Summer Fall

Peeling skin exfoliates off my golden tan
Flip flops hanging in the bathroom begging for some feet
Cardigan appears adorning the dining room chair
Flannel shirts make way to the laundry basket

A heavy humid air fights against opposing territories of light and rain
Air conditioning pauses against fluctuating highs and lows
Soups and salads shamelessly tease and flirt with each other

The Caribbean anklet no longer revealing its charms, blanketed away by a cotton sock
Slow coffee, slow music, slow traffic,
sliding towards a faster week on the bend
One last ice cream under a gloomy sky, hiding a timid sun

A new season is looming close
Bitter sweet expressions stare out at the burgundy mellows

Summer I will miss your warm slow love

Fall, you are such a weather-cock
Be gentle on me
Spare me your mosaic mood swings
October bitter mornings
And all the surprises that Fall brings ...