The media, politics and in business the favourite pass time of most individuals is to find fault in someone or in a situation. All one has to do is turn on the television and in all the reality shows there is a segment where someone is blaming someone else, to find who is at fault. It has been statistically proven that Narcissism has risen by 30% among college students since 1979. It has been observed that levels of self- confidence are on the rise, but this confidence must be linked to honest self-assessment and actual achievement. Can we say that there is a dip in clear-eyed humility and a failure hat keeps us from seeing and correcting our shortcomings. Are we turning into narcissistic individuals and simply blind to the word responsibility, accountability and even our own self-conscience? Could one replace confidence for cockiness?
You know what I actually think? It’s turning into a problem from both ends. Let me give you an example. Jane and Anna are good friends. What Jane and Anna have in common is both belong to a culture where everything is about themselves and their problems and their universe. Jane fails to recognise Anna’s needs on a few occasions and ends up causing pain to Anna, resulting in a bad misunderstanding, fuelled by this need to blame one another. Anna is consumed by her own universe and wishes for attention, she has high expectations from her relationships. Jane is also in her own universe and fails to recognise Anna’s needs and doesn’t pay attention to her friend. Who is wrong? I think both are. I will come back to this narcissistic way of life later. What needs to be addressed is how a problem should ideally be tackled in the first place.
One of the hardest things to do in life is to accept blame for something that has gone wrong. It’s interesting how when we are successful, we are more than happy to be the centre of attention. Yet when a disaster has occurred, we are quick to put the attention on someone or something else. If you actually accepted the problem and took the fault upon yourself, you’d be fixing half the problem right there. There are very few people who can be strong enough to accept blame and take responsibility when something goes south. What is it that makes us shirk from this blame? It can be a combination of your ego and fear. When a child does something wrong, it’s his fear of being told off that usually makes him find an excuse to shy away from his responsibilities. As a grown up, you find your pride can get in the way and a lie could mask the truth and remedy the problem. Both are wrong approaches to dealing with the solution I’m afraid. If you are going to create road- blocks then let’s discuss these now.
Blaming others – As I said earlier, it is far too easy to pinpoint and attack the evil in others than to examine the evil within yourself. It doesn’t matter what has happened or how it has happened, how are your going to tackle the consequences? When you decide to blame someone, are you not giving up complete control of the situation? Yes your ego feels lighter when you can put the blame on someone else, but don’t forget you are still responsible for the occurrences.
Making excuses – Oh I love this one! All my excuses make perfect sense to me, but the only thing that makes sense to both of us is the truth. Basically when you make an excuse, all you are doing is blaming a circumstance and not a person.
Complaining – What is this constant obsession with taking part in criticism of every little aspect of your life. I am sick, I am tired, I am bored, I am fed up… you are being outright negative and using complaint as a defence mechanism to cover the facts. Man up and face the world, buckle up and show up when you are responsible. It’s so easy to simply say I am going to get an asthma attack if you keep yelling at me. Reframe your thoughts and put some perspective on how the other person is feeling.
Victim of circumstance – well in this scenario one is simply doing the opposite of taking responsibility. What we are doing is giving up the control on our own lives. Imagine if a multi-million dollar company decided to simply give up and sit back because a few things went wrong. Is your life not even more valuable than these companies?
I’m sure all of you can identify very clearly with some or all of these roadblocks and if you have a clear conscience you will also admit to using them from time to time in order to escape from the blame.
Taking blame vs. taking responsibility
There is an interesting phenomenon in the use of both these words, depending on how you read or use them can have a different effect on your mind. Taking blame is like giving a sting or pinch to someone else and there is a bitter flavour in the use of this word. Taking responsibility almost implies taking ownership and feeling pride in the matter. It is like having the ability to respond in any given situation. Do you see the difference in the tone?
Solutions
The first thing to do is accepting responsibility and confess what went wrong. Sometimes you are not completely at fault, but if damage has occurred and you are involved; the responsibility is yours to take. Avoid roadblocks because all they will do is make you skate around the problem and probably make a bigger mountain of everything. Also, the truth comes out eventually, so don’t be fooled by the masks you are attempting to use in order to tranquilise your ego or supress your fear.
Try to solve the problem, whether it is a company project, a misunderstanding or helping to rekindle a meaningful relationship. Once there is a solution on the way, it is a good time to give your explanation and make the other person understand what your thought process all along. Be humble and don’t forget the fault / blame / responsibility is still on you. Quite often the scars that remain from the disaster are a consequence you have to live with. Make your peace with them and move on.
I would like to add further insight into moving on. I think there are people in your life you will probably hurt a lot, often those you love the most. You don’t mean to hurt them, but the outcome results in pain. If this keeps happening, well perhaps those individuals are meant to remain in your heart but not in your life. Apologising wont make you a smaller person, it will earn you respect and then you can move on.
I have written this article with more conviction than many of my others, because I truly believe our society has forgotten how to take the reigns on significant problems and they choose the easy way out. We have turned into borderline narcissists because what concerns us more is what others will think of us, our appearance, our food choices, our song selections, our every move during the day. Ring a bell? Social media! The #selfie syndrome resides within all of us and whether you like it or not, we all have a Jane and Anna in us.
Facebook as the name suggests is the book of your face. A book, which you are constantly trying to filter, look better, enhance, and appear more flattering, and you only want to see the book when your face looks good. If we apply this on a regular basis, you will ultimately forget to address your flaws and leave them in recycling bin.
Ultimately this way of life catches up with you and truly weighs you down. So, lets all try harder to examine ourselves and detect what effect your actions and thoughts can have on others. Do you have the balls to take the blame now?
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