13

It’s gone away in a blink this year that was 2013. I admit in the pit of my stomach I did know 13 was going to be a lucky year for me, despite my superstitious dislike for the number in general. Nevertheless, unequivocally 13 was the year for Thoughts Translated. A dream that was a size and half too big for my petite structure has embodied me like a Lycra glove and kept me busy for the past few months and hopefully many more to come. Thank you to Him for leading the way and thank you to all those beings that smothered their energy all over me and continue to inject me with daily inspiration.

Aside from the obvious boom in my life, I like to reflect as we all do on a year that has gone by and offer my Thoughts to all of you.

As with all my years, 13 taught me a lot. I have often addressed friendships in my writing and given the highest regard to this relationship after family. I have lauded my own fortune and bragged about how lucky I am to have certain individuals in my life. 13 has possibly been the biggest test of my life as far as this subject goes. I have written about the theory that encompasses this relationship but 13 made me live a lot of what I actually wrote about. It’s been a live journey where I was the protagonist of peaks of pain and pleasure. I learnt that people don’t actually change; the truth is we just get to know them better. This is applicable in the good and the bad. In the end what I concluded was that one can never really know anyone that well and therefore you must never get totally naked for anyone unless they are prepared to accept and love your soul. I speak in a bitter tone, but in all honesty the truth is often a bitter pill, but once you’ve swallowed it, the effects it has on you as a person are filling you with peace and harmony.

Continuing with peace and harmony, I learnt in 13 that your mind and body need to be in sync. You cannot live with your body if your mind is not happy with it. I apply this theory to all aspects. If you feel you look fat, it’s your mind that’s sending those thoughts in you and therefore you mistreat your body to try and lose weight. You may control it in the short term, but eventually you gain it back because the mind is never completely happy. Similarly, if you are a sports person and push your body harder than it can handle, again your mind is playing the power game and it’s all good to push your limits and try to be super woman, but it’s also sensible to listen to your body and press the stop or pause button at the right time. You have a body that you must feed in the physical sense, but you must also feed it positive energy. This positive energy only comes from your mind. When the body or mind collapse, the other is left in the limbo and it’s very hard to survive just on one.

13 showed me that second chances are golden. We all make so many mistakes everyday, and we quite often learn from them too. Ideally one would not make the same mistake twice but a lot of us do. In our relationships we tend to hurt those that we love the most and if life gives you a second chance to remedy this hurt, consider it a blessing.

13 asked me to pay attention to the details and spend time alone. You know when magic occurs; it tends to occur silently and can either be at super sonic speed or at snails pace. Either way the key is to pay attention. I saw my nephew walk in a matter of seconds, I produced a book in silence, I went back to running by carefully analysing my defects. It is very important to spend this time alone and separate yourself from the solutions that the world offers you. A tailor made solution will always fit and last longer. Therefore, giving yourself this time alone helps you to create the magic for yourself and at the same time you can focus with your personal lens and not the universal world lens.

13 took off many masks. Positive thinking is paramount and I stick by it. However, often we engineer ourselves so harshly to believe in the positive of everything that we forget to actually believe it’s okay to not be okay.  This trap we fall into makes us wear a mask. Layers get added on until one day we actually collapse from the toxic layers of plastic you have applied on yourself. There’s nothing wrong in failing, because one only fails after they have tried, and trying is better than giving up.

13 was an extremely technological year for me, I mastered the art of being active on more than six social media networks and using their benefits to increase my blog followers. In this process I observed the artificial nature of online marketing and the disastrous effects it can have on inter personal relationships. I openly admit to loathing IM and all such forms of communication. I use it because otherwise I would be off the wagon of survival in this day and age. Nevertheless, I personally make sure I speak or have a face-to-face conversation with all those people who matter to me and find the time to do it.

13 taught me how to let go and forgive myself. Giving to others is my motto but I know I can only give so much. Therefore, I give what I can, take what they can offer me and forgive them and myself at the end of it. It’s a simple mathematical equation that in the end always leaves you with no regrets. Say sorry, say thank you and smile.

In 13 I discovered how knowing yourself better will help you to know others. I think I am still discovering myself actually; finally coming to terms with my real curls, my not so perfect figure, my weakness for old Bollywood music, my inability to have a cup of coffee at home and always at a coffee shop, my secret love for retro book stores, my desire to buy all the sports shoes in the world, the kick I get from defying my comfort zone and so many other unpublished secrets that each of us has.

All in all 13 started off slow and steady, gave me some good tests mid year, slowed down and relaxed me fairly well towards the summer, elated me so much in the autumn and simultaneously kicked me hard in the ass towards the end of the year. Thank you 13 for your lessons, gifts, warnings, eye openings and above all endings that promise new beginnings.

I read last week that the new trend for 2014 is not to have resolutions but to have a theme. A theme you stick by and follow all your plans bearing in mind certain thumb rules that qualify your theme. Can we all do that for 14? I will try my best and what I promise is to keep sharing Thoughts, good or bad. Happy New Year to all and thank you!

PS. 13 also taught me that 14 is on it's way and if you were not able to do something this year, don't give it up and pursue it in the new year. :)

Spaces

Does the sky complain when the clouds invade heavily on her?
She just stands with dignity, allowing the sun to shelter her with warmth
The clouds are not at fault
They spend their life being pushed around
De burden their sorrows by giving us rain

Does the sun complain when he must depart the sky to allow room for the moon?
Two lovers, the sun and the moon
Can’t be together, yet together forever

Does the moon complain when the stars outshine her beauty?
For a dark night needs light
The moon allows the stars to perform their duty

Sometimes there are spaces that cannot be occupied
By more than one or two
Each one must respect and allow the other to do

Once upon a dream

Shabby chic velvet chairs
Dark spiral stairs
Psycadelic dance floor
Booze on the pour

Tall and confident she stands
Short skirt
Tall heels
Short is how I feel
"Let's dance" she commands
No big deal

Sultry black locks caress her breasts
Almond eyes fixed on me, not looking away
Oh her eyes
Anaesthetise... mesmerise
Electric tunes, I'm on the rise

Sticky bodies jive side to side
She pulls my curls, gripping them tight
I gasp as she encircles me, nowhere to hide
Our torsos meet, as we slide

Trickles of sweat brushing bare shoulders
Fumes of perfume lingering closer
I'm meeting her beat
Hands on hips, a rhythmic repeat

She drinks me with her eyes
Undressing me slowly with her smile
We stand like this for a while
She's beautiful
Spectacular

Distracted am I suddenly
A silhouette stands staring
Nonchalantly smooth
A glare so overbearing
He's looking
Absorbing

Envelops me in shudders
A piercing chill
His eyes meet mine
Sending a shiver right down my spine

I know him
A distant memory, now blurred and thin
Who are you?
A soul I once knew

Bright lights and big stage
Distracting me, I can't engage
He's fixed on me, as I on him
A sea of confusion
Up surface and swim

She whispers in my ear
I can barely hear
"He wants ..."
"He wants... "

Awake

Untitled

There are times when someone can be your umbrella
But also your rain
So much pleasure
Yet also pain

There are times when a year is not so far
A week longer than any healing scar
There’s closeness in distance
Come close and there’s no memory or existence

There is a peculiar bliss in letting out some tears
A laugh cannot fully unleash our deepest fears

There are times when you seek strength in others
Doesn’t a temple stand on independent pillars?
A shoulder will shelter you from your demon
Being alone ultimate freedom

There are times when broken pieces can be put together
But they prick your fingers
Their pain forever lingers

Sand is free and easy
Until water marks territory
Caging her
Weighted and uneasy

Do You Have The Balls To Take The Blame?

The media, politics and in business the favourite pass time of most individuals is to find fault in someone or in a situation. All one has to do is turn on the television and in all the reality shows there is a segment where someone is blaming someone else, to find who is at fault. It has been statistically proven that Narcissism has risen by 30% among college students since 1979. It has been observed that levels of self- confidence are on the rise, but this confidence must be linked to honest self-assessment and actual achievement. Can we say that there is a dip in clear-eyed humility and a failure hat keeps us from seeing and correcting our shortcomings. Are we turning into narcissistic individuals and simply blind to the word responsibility, accountability and even our own self-conscience? Could one replace confidence for cockiness?

You know what I actually think? It’s turning into a problem from both ends. Let me give you an example. Jane and Anna are good friends. What Jane and Anna have in common is both belong to a culture where everything is about themselves and their problems and their universe. Jane fails to recognise Anna’s needs on a few occasions and ends up causing pain to Anna, resulting in a bad misunderstanding, fuelled by this need to blame one another. Anna is consumed by her own universe and wishes for attention, she has high expectations from her relationships. Jane is also in her own universe and fails to recognise Anna’s needs and doesn’t pay attention to her friend. Who is wrong? I think both are. I will come back to this narcissistic way of life later. What needs to be addressed is how a problem should ideally be tackled in the first place.

One of the hardest things to do in life is to accept blame for something that has gone wrong. It’s interesting how when we are successful, we are more than happy to be the centre of attention. Yet when a disaster has occurred, we are quick to put the attention on someone or something else. If you actually accepted the problem and took the fault upon yourself, you’d be fixing half the problem right there. There are very few people who can be strong enough to accept blame and take responsibility when something goes south. What is it that makes us shirk from this blame? It can be a combination of your ego and fear. When a child does something wrong, it’s his fear of being told off that usually makes him find an excuse to shy away from his responsibilities. As a grown up, you find your pride can get in the way and a lie could mask the truth and remedy the problem. Both are wrong approaches to dealing with the solution I’m afraid. If you are going to create road- blocks then let’s discuss these now.

Blaming others – As I said earlier, it is far too easy to pinpoint and attack the evil in others than to examine the evil within yourself. It doesn’t matter what has happened or how it has happened, how are your going to tackle the consequences? When you decide to blame someone, are you not giving up complete control of the situation? Yes your ego feels lighter when you can put the blame on someone else, but don’t forget you are still responsible for the occurrences.

Making excuses – Oh I love this one! All my excuses make perfect sense to me, but the only thing that makes sense to both of us is the truth. Basically when you make an excuse, all you are doing is blaming a circumstance and not a person. 

Complaining – What is this constant obsession with taking part in criticism of every little aspect of your life. I am sick, I am tired, I am bored, I am fed up… you are being outright negative and using complaint as a defence mechanism to cover the facts. Man up and face the world, buckle up and show up when you are responsible. It’s so easy to simply say I am going to get an asthma attack if you keep yelling at me. Reframe your thoughts and put some perspective on how the other person is feeling. 

Victim of circumstance – well in this scenario one is simply doing the opposite of taking responsibility. What we are doing is giving up the control on our own lives. Imagine if a multi-million dollar company decided to simply give up and sit back because a few things went wrong. Is your life not even more valuable than these companies?

I’m sure all of you can identify very clearly with some or all of these roadblocks and if you have a clear conscience you will also admit to using them from time to time in order to escape from the blame. 

Taking blame vs. taking responsibility

There is an interesting phenomenon in the use of both these words, depending on how you read or use them can have a different effect on your mind. Taking blame is like giving a sting or pinch to someone else and there is a bitter flavour in the use of this word. Taking responsibility almost implies taking ownership and feeling pride in the matter. It is like having the ability to respond in any given situation. Do you see the difference in the tone? 

Solutions

The first thing to do is accepting responsibility and confess what went wrong. Sometimes you are not completely at fault, but if damage has occurred and you are involved; the responsibility is yours to take. Avoid roadblocks because all they will do is make you skate around the problem and probably make a bigger mountain of everything. Also, the truth comes out eventually, so don’t be fooled by the masks you are attempting to use in order to tranquilise your ego or supress your fear. 

Try to solve the problem, whether it is a company project, a misunderstanding or helping to rekindle a meaningful relationship. Once there is a solution on the way, it is a good time to give your explanation and make the other person understand what your thought process all along. Be humble and don’t forget the fault / blame / responsibility is still on you. Quite often the scars that remain from the disaster are a consequence you have to live with. Make your peace with them and move on.

I would like to add further insight into moving on. I think there are people in your life you will probably hurt a lot, often those you love the most. You don’t mean to hurt them, but the outcome results in pain. If this keeps happening, well perhaps those individuals are meant to remain in your heart but not in your life. Apologising wont make you a smaller person, it will earn you respect and then you can move on. 

I have written this article with more conviction than many of my others, because I truly believe our society has forgotten how to take the reigns on significant problems and they choose the easy way out. We have turned into borderline narcissists because what concerns us more is what others will think of us, our appearance, our food choices, our song selections, our every move during the day. Ring a bell? Social media! The #selfie syndrome resides within all of us and whether you like it or not, we all have a Jane and Anna in us. 

Facebook as the name suggests is the book of your face. A book, which you are constantly trying to filter, look better, enhance, and appear more flattering, and you only want to see the book when your face looks good. If we apply this on a regular basis, you will ultimately forget to address your flaws and leave them in recycling bin. 

Ultimately this way of life catches up with you and truly weighs you down. So, lets all try harder to examine ourselves and detect what effect your actions and thoughts can have on others. Do you have the balls to take the blame now?