Getting
a surprise is supposed to be a good thing, or at least when it is a positive
one you usually experience profound happiness. Negative ones on the other hand
are bitter to digest and most definitely hard to accept. Life is full of such
surprises and most of the time we humans panic when in a new unforeseen
situation.
I
recently discovered pretty much from one day to another that the skin on my
face is actually normal to greasy, after having dry to very dry skin for pretty
much my whole life. My dermatologist broke this news to me and welcomed me to
the world of a new skin type. You are probably wondering why I am sharing my
skin changes with you. Well to be honest this discovery may seem ordinary to
those who have normal /greasy skin but if you have dry skin, it changes a lot
in your life. One not only has to buy a new skin care range, one wakes up a
different person, feeling different and knowing this is a change that just has
to be accepted.
This
was my innocent introduction to what I am about to explain to you now. I’ve
always toyed with the idea of what it would be like to have a third child in my
life. I brush it off lightly, mainly because I am aware of the repercussions it
would have on my life and the HUGE changes it would bring to my currently
stable and peaceful life. I am happy having two children and although my
husband and I joke about this often, we both know deep down that a third would
disrupt us for few more years. This interlude of a few years is probably what we
are both not ready to embrace.
Now
imagine being handed over a child without prior warning, without a nine-month
pregnancy in between and most definitely without any preparation time to
welcome this child. I suddenly sound like a scene from Three Men and a Baby.
This
was slightly different, and had some bitter undertones to it too. We recently
discovered that my husband’s mother had to undergo a bypass surgery. For me any
type of surgery had always been a very big deal, and this was without a doubt
the mother of surgeries. My journey of
what was to be a life changing experience started when I was the one who
received the official diagnosis from the cardiologist.
In a
situation of this kind one usually goes through a cycle of emotions. I went
through my own cycle too. Initially I felt numb, followed by shock, followed by
sadness, followed by fear, followed by denial, followed by acceptance and last
of all followed by faith.
My
husband has two other brothers and they are also married. We are a close-knit
family and all big decisions are made together. This was a comforting feeling,
knowing everyone was in it together. What distinguished me from them in this
whole situation was that I live with my mother in law. I agree they must’ve
also felt very sad, especially her sons and the feelings all of us have towards
her are equally strong. Nevertheless one cannot deny that the proximity one
feels towards a person who lives with them is very different.
I
remember addressing this anxiety with my husband, not knowing what would happen
once mum would come home and how would we take the best care of her. I realised
at this point that God was sending me a third child. I was clearly chosen for
this role, and I could not say no. Why was I chosen for this, I knew I was not
capable of having three? A dear friend
of mine had always joked with me that he is my third child and remembering his words
made me smile. Perhaps I truly was ready to have three!
As
we grow older and mature, we do accept changes in life in a better spirit and
tell ourselves there must be a reason for all these surprises. However, the
reason may not always become clear and sometimes you should just not even look
for the reason. Accept and move on.
In
my case I did accept, I challenged my own capabilities and taught myself so
many new things that I had never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be
doing. Was I better prepared than perhaps my sister in laws for the job of the
best caretaker? I actually don’t think I was. However, all along I told myself
I have been chosen for this role and although I am far from being the best
cook, the best nurse, the best psychological counselor or even at the right age
to impart any real experience in this field. All odds did seem against me, but
I continued to struggle and self teach myself.
Mum
has been home for over two weeks now and is progressing very well in her
recovery. I see in her the third child in many ways, because I have taken care
of her from the minute she stepped back in her house. As with a child one pays
close attention to their food timings, creating an environment which is
comfortable, helping them to get up and walk, giving them the medication on
time and watching them wake up and sleep, I have done the very same.
Like
with a new child you experience teething problems, well I faced these too and
often felt so helpless too. I went through highs and lows, just the same way
one does after giving birth to a child. The highs were seen when she started
feeling more hungry, when she would be able to walk for longer than 20 minutes
or when she would smile after I promised her an aloo paratha for lunch, provided she would follow it with a long
walk.
It’s
been a gratifying journey and all along I have continued to wonder why was I
the chosen one.
Last
weekend we had a friend over to meet her and she revealed in passing
conversation as to why I was the chosen one. She told me it was gift I had been
granted by Him for my good karmas. I was confused and asked her how she felt
this was a gift? She told me the best gift one can receive is the opportunity
to perform seva - "selfless
service", work or service performed without any thought of reward or
personal benefit. (Wikipedia).
Usually
people perform seva outside their homes,
either in temples, charities or even just by doing community service. I was
performing seva in my own home and
for my own mother in law. I researched into this further and discovered that
the Guru Granth Sahib states: One who performs selfless service, without
thought of reward, shall attain his Lord and Master." The Guru states that one who performs selfless service without
desire for reward will certainly attain liberation. The need to be
"desire-less" ("nehkaami") is critical in making this
action fruitful. When one does Seva, one should just do it without any thought
for a return - think of it as a duty to the society.
I
can confess that these past two weeks have indeed been liberating and I have
felt a strange sense of peace within me. I was quite dumbfounded by my friend’s
words and smiled to myself.
In
life we often face surprises, changes, obstacles and plenty of tests. We all
know there is a reason for these occurrences but few of us figure out why it
happens. I feel happy to not only have figured out why I was given this test
but I feel blessed to have been given this gift of seva, which was His way of rewarding me for my karmas. Whether or
not this theory makes sense, I do think it helps to face the test better, when
you know it’s a rewarding experience.
