Temporarily Permanent

Nothing lasts forever, everything has an instant beauty about it and a moment can simply be translated to a mental snapshot we take in our minds. We smile, we laugh, we cry and we even feel happy or sad. The only constant is change and time. No matter how spectacular or putrid a moment can make you feel, the lingering effects are just that... lingering. They ultimately lose their potency and the scent or stench you once either longed to hold on to or desperately wanted to let go of just fade away with time. 

I was on a boat this summer, trying very hard to take some beautiful pictures of the emblematic sunset in Istanbul, capture the beauty of the Bosphorus Bridge and revel in the drug which the city was offering me whilst I stood there on the deck, absorbing the humid heat which was complemented by a light sea breeze. There were four of us that professionally stood there in military fashion, trying to capture the perfect light, the perfect angle, the perfect frame and pretty much allowed the camera to overrule the hour plus that we had in order to obtain these pictures. 

I admit there were moments when I was distracted by the other tourists who were either partaking in a conversation, the boat staff who attempted to offer us a drink or snack and even other boats that sailed by. I was enjoying my moment on the deck, but what I didn't focus on was the complete essence of the moment. I was preoccupied with taking the perfect picture and at the back of my mind I was concerned about sharing the perfect album with my family and friends. I usually just use my smartphone to take pictures, but this felt special and I did want to use my professional SLR in order to avail fully of the benefits such a camera offers for great captures. My intentions were solid, but I forgot the most important reason I was there.

The sun was setting and I didn't even see the colour changes carefully enough to take a mental snapshot of this moment. Instead I attempted to capture this live moment on camera. I know it's as important, but honestly after I returned from my trip and looked at the many pictures, I was not half as impressed as I thought I would be. I am not great at taking pictures so I was not entirely able to mirror the perfect sunset on camera. We are always able to add filters to pictures, but in real life we are also adding filters to so many things aren't we?

Standing there with my camera made me think of a few things. The camera is equipped with many functions which can allow your pictures to look as perfect as possible. A zoom, a flash, filter effects and endless other features which enable us to emulate perfection. Similarly we as human beings can also be skillful at many things, these help us to perform better than others in our job and sometimes gives us added advantage too. Nevertheless, in this rat race where we are struggling to be the best at what we do, we tend to forget that the journey towards perfection is often where the magic lies. 

I stood there taking pictures and there was one particular moment which was unrelated to the camera or the scenery, which I returned home with. I watched how my husband helped his mother climb on the deck and didn't allow her to fall and lose balance, thereafter I watch how they laughed and giggled between themselves, oblivious to who and what surrounded them. I absorbed this moment and took a picture of it. It required no filter, no flash and no added value. The value was right there in front of me and the scenery was merely decorative, to make the picture look a little more resplendent than perhaps a living room setting. What I had done was sponge up the moment of them together, allowed a palpitation to be evoked and then taken a picture of this moment. The entire process occurred in a twinkle, but what was important was the order of steps. I didn't take the picture and then enjoy the moment, this would be contradictory to my motives of taking the picture in the first place.

In life we have a tendency to frame what we consider perfection and then forget entirely about the rare hair raising moments which nature, our relationships, a good conversation or just a close watch can offer us. 

I recently had a Skype conversation with a good friend and whilst we were talking she attempted to take a quick screen shot of me through her iPad. She said she failed as the connection froze at that precise moment. However, explained to me in few words the aww inspiring moment she had encountered during our conversation, and wanted to keep that moment on camera. I understood her reasoning completely, because I too had felt that on the boat, observing my husband and his mother. 

This summer has offered me a myriad of emotional explosions on all levels, many of them positive and a few negatives too. However, two months later what I have concluded is that these tiny concussions or sparkles have been so brief that we move on to look for more adventures. The important thing is to  drink in and inhale these brief moments that unlock our deepest pores. 

I did this on a few occasions, quite deliberately. Today when I have to create a mental photomontage of  my summer, I effortlessly remember those split second moments which I have taken a temporarily permanent place in my mind.

Truly nothing is forever, so happiness and sorrow all have an expiry date. The key is to make the most of what is in front of you and if you can, try to see the absolute positive side to any encounter. If your time is cut short with a friend, at least you had that time with them. If your parents are suffering an illness, at least you have them around and can spend your time with them, if your kids speak rudely to you, at least they have the confidence to approach you and not avoid you altogether. 

Don't you feel that when you go to the movies, you often get absorbed in it and can imagine yourself being one of the main characters. It only lasts for a few hours at the most and the after effects linger for a while, until life continues and you get busy elsewhere. If you can pay money at the theatre to get that experience, why not try to achieve that in your real life and be the real hero of your own movie? Sometimes one only needs to stand where they are, to feel blessed - Mary Oliver.

Thank you for reading and please share my article if you feel it can help others. 

Arianna

Tomorrow is always too late
This is how she feels about fate
The calendar, a date
A bundle of memories, the best way to relate

An early bird
“Why waste the morning, how absurd”
She listens but will always put her word
A daal rice girl
She’ll wear a frock and make a quiet twirl

Ari will burst out laughing about yesterdays joke
And suddenly cry, who knows what made her choke

She’ll work to save
Workout like a slave
Go dancing to the best rave

Arianna is your best friend
She’ll tell you when the
sales start and end
Eat a carb filled brunch
Followed by a salad for lunch

Endless bicep reps at the gym
But her arms will hurt when eyebrows she must trim
For a pic, hold her stomach in
She must look slim

Ari will say, “I have plans” when she’s eating ice cream in bed
Ari will cancel her plans when she gets a text “guess what he said?”

An expert at deciphering male micro expressions
She may tell you her darkest confessions
Will say, “yes” to mean “no”
Will smile when she’s sad
Will always trust her dad
Arianna is a little bit mad

Arianna lives in every home
That funny girl with a moustache made of froth and foam
We all have an Ari chromosome

Let it go / Let her go / Let go … more than just lyrics

I was listening to the radio just last week and I observed three different songs that have faired well on the charts this year. The world cup song by Shakira uses “Let go”, albeit sounding like “Lego”, Frozen.. I don’t need to tell you, you can probably hear it resonating in your ears and if not any child in the world aged between 3 and 8 will happily sing it to you and lastly “Let Her Go” by Passenger. I’m sure there must be others that have adapted these magic words in their lyrics, but my radio station has played these relentlessly on loop almost. 

These words got me thinking, perhaps that’s what lyrics do, play games with your head. In this case however I was positively inspired to apply these simple words in my own life.

Recently someone shared her experience about a good friend not being so good anymore. Well, to be honest my theory has always been that people don’t actually change; we only get to know them better over time. I find solace in this theory, as it suspends the progression of negative energy towards these people who make us unhappy. How dare they have control over our happiness? Also, I certainly do not wish to emit a pessimistic flow towards them; this does not favour my karmic foundations either. 

Every human being, including you and I go through a metamorphosis every “x” number of years. In this transformation we actually go through what I call a detox process of discovering ourselves and what it is that we truly want, who we want to be, where is our life heading etc. The symptoms of this process include being a complete asshole or bitch for as long as this period lasts. I apologise for the language, but truly there is no better way of putting it. The problem is the repercussions this has on the people closest to the victim. They are so colossal; sometimes they can lead to relationships being destroyed forever. 

I have learnt that “letting go” of these good friends for as long as it takes is the only way we can firstly save clouds and thunderstorms of negative energy in our perfectly stable lives and secondly you can give those people their space and time to rediscover themselves. 

It’s all very easy to write this down and preach my theory, but in practice it really does feel like you are cutting off one of your fingers and your fist is suddenly mutilated. It has to be one of the hardest steps to take in life. 

Nevertheless, the benefits of doing this are far more worthwhile as you save yourself humiliation, feeling belittled by this person you cannot recognize anymore, unloved, invisible, unwanted and the list goes on. How and why did this happen, you wonder? It’s got to be my fault you often conclude. Err… NO it’s far from your fault and you are simply a victim of circumstance. In fact, the best thing you can do for this person is NOT being there. 

I have tested this theory to the tee and let me tell you it works. Your value in that person’s life is doubled over time, and let me remind you that you once upon a time before this person entered your life, you still breathed and survived didn’t you? You are not the life support machine for this person and neither should they make you feel needy and desperate if they are not around for you. 

I want to emphasise that as an honest and genuine human being you are dutiful towards the needs of your closest people and if they openly tell you that they need to be left alone, well we really must respect that. 

On the other hand you may find that the person is simply taking you for a ride and it’s merely a twisted tactic for them to distance you from their life without having the courage or grit to openly confront the situation. I pity this cowardice and if this is the case, well darling you definitely need to let go! The worst karma one can perform is playing with someone’s feelings. Now since karma is quite the bitch and never pardons anyone, you can sit back and relax, the circle always comes around. 

I dedicate this article to a friend who has suffered a lot recently and although Thoughts is officially not publishing for the summer, I did feel it my duty to nourish my readers a little bit. Let go my lovelies, for added baggage is always an extra cost to pay for and frankly I’d rather use the money and spend it elsewhere.