I have to admit before I started writing on this subject, my knowledge on soul-mates was fairly jaded and more subjective than I had imagined. I did find that I had somehow fabricated an ideal image of a soul-mate in my head, based on my own fantasies and what stories I have heard from people who have shared with me. This tends to derail your realities and you start to entertain a vision of the perfect soul-mate in a particular person who may not necessarily be
your soulmate. Since I was baffled by the meaning of the term "soul-mate", I consider it important to explain the correct definition and also distinguish the differences between a
soul-mate,
a karmic relationship and a
twin flame.
Soul-mate. This can be an individual of the same sex or even a best friend. You may never have a physical relationship with them but the love and depth of connections between you both will last a lifetime. It is even possible that family members are soul-mates. A soul-mate is usually the person whom you feel instantly comfortable with, you do not feel vulnerable in any way. You want to spend time with one another and are willing to grow spiritually in the same direction. Your soul-mate loves you for who you are and not your physical appearance.
A very important component in a soul-mate union is that it is more than just a romantic relationship which binds you together. The union is on a spiritual level, which is why it goes beyond love and in many cases sex is not even present. There exists an intuitive connection between soul-mates and this is due to a past life connection which both share. We can be completely and honestly who we are, we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. Soul-mates do not share the same soul, rather their souls are different but have connected together to share energies which are compatible. Is a soul-mate always your life partner? Ideally after explaining what a soul-mate is, one would not hesitate to consider that person as a life long companion. However, I will address this a bit later.
I have read a lot of quotes about soul-mates but the following in my opinion, really explains the concept very accurately. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life." Elizabeth Gilbert, journalist and author of Eat, Pray Love
I want to move onto karmic relationships, which are often confused for soul-mates. "Karmic" soul mates are two individuals who have come together during a given lifetime to reconcile from a past or previous lives. This kind of relationship is often very intense and of strong attraction, but brings with it a lot of turbulence and turmoil. It can be profound and loving, but can also deteriorate into a negative light. The latter occurs due to unresolved karma between these souls and only through unconditional love and forgiveness is this achieved. Nonetheless, this is not always possible in the same lifetime and therefore explains the heady emotion, confusion and a sense of "here we go again" dread. This is referred to as "karmic warning bells" by Linda Bray in Discovering Your Soul Mission.
In karmic relationships, sex can also be a powerful karmic trigger and this is a sign which tells you that the person who is giving you wild pleasure and satiates your desires in the moment, is actually resolving karma / unfinished business with you. On the other hand if your experience is passionate, with a sense of security and expansiveness, well this resembles soul-mate sex.
If you are in a karmic relationship you will sense a very intense attraction and a feeling of nervousness too. You will tend to argue and use hurtful words, following it with sex. It's a relationship with highs and lows but no real growth for either partner. Ultimately such relationships need to end, unless you are happy to feel blocked in such intense emotions and have a dramatic result every time.
Do you see the difference between one and another? It's really a fine line with both, because as human beings we cannot always be happy and completely content with ourselves and in turn project this feeling on another person. I would argue, if your soul-mate is your mirror then you must see the negative facets in them as they see them in you and one needs to work hard to make the relationship work. The hard work is something a soul-mate relationship doesn't take into account, as "everything" is acceptable. Tricky isn't it?
So then what is a twin flame? These are two individuals in two separate bodies, but they share the same soul. Twin Flames usually meet each other in their first incarnation, in order to remember the soul vibes of the other individual. Later they are reunited on their final time on earth and when this happens, it is the most magical and exciting experience for both on this planet. However, if they happen to meet before either of them is fully ready, their compatibility fails and the total opposite of what is supposed to occur with twin flames occurs.
As an outsider if you observe Twin Flames, you will sense that they are almost identical and compliment each other very well. It is also hard for them to stay away from each other and they share an intuition, being almost telepathic and often finish each others sentences. Before they even meet it is important to observe the similar parallels their life already share; e.g. growing up in different homes but under a similar upbringing, spiritual education is fundamental in twin flames and above all a maturity within yourself to want to discover your own self. This is why seeing Twin Flames is very rare on this planet.
How does one find their soul-mate/s? Yes it is possible to have more than one in a lifetime. This is because you may have touched many souls in your past lives and have probably shared a relationship with them. If you have lived more lifetimes, well the more chances you will have of finding the perfect soul-mate. Different individuals will touch your soul in different ways and it is possible that only they touch your soul but you remain indifferent in their eyes.
When one finds or thinks they have recognised their soul-mate it is a true one only when you have gone about it in a spiritual sense, being completely open to mystery and not shutting any doors or putting up walls of judgement. I will give you some mundane examples of judgment calls. If you have a list in your head of what you want from your soul-mate, well already you are putting brackets in your open mind. Are you putting up a persona when you meet someone who you are attracted to? Your real self is being masked and this will hinder the soul from reaching out to the other soul. Do you expect a 50/50 agreement with your partner? You will give equally if he/she also gives you? Do you feel they are not pulling their weight in the relationship? When you are in a soul-mate relationship, there will always be more energy channeled from one side towards another, but this doesn't mean the person giving less energy is any less of a soul-mate. The reason for this off balanced energy share is purely related to unresolved karma between the souls. As a true soul-mate you will give infinite energy and never question what you are getting back, because you just don't need in this life time.
Many individuals meet someone whom they are instantly attracted to and feel a strong chemical equation with. They interpret this as having found their soul-mate. This is tricky because physical attraction instantly overrides a strong mental and spiritual connection - which is clearly not present in this apparent soul-mate. This brings me back to the subtle differences between karmic relationships, soul-mates and twin flames.
One must know themselves well in order to allow the quest for a soul-mate search to start. You need to be fully connected with your personality traits and accept your facets and flaws like seeing them in a mirror. Your soul-mate will slap you in the face with the same flaws twice over and you need to have the strength to accept that about yourself. Once you have undergone this process is when you can embrace such a connection and allow it to take accommodate within your soul and not just with your physical body.
This brings me onto my final point, which is whether a life long partner can be your soul-mate and should spiritually realised singles be waiting to marry their soul-mate and nobody else. According to a January 2011 Marist poll, 73% of Americans believe that they are destined to find their one, true, soul mate. The percentage is a bit higher for men (74%) than women (71%). The notion is also higher among younger individuals, with 79% of those under 45 believing in soul mates (as opposed to 69% of those over 45).
Clearly there is a majority who latch tightly onto the idea of romantic destiny. However, does this belief end up working for us and do soul-mates live "happily ever after"? I always like to quantify my data and see what research is telling me.
Whilst the majority who are believers of romantic destiny (soul-mate believers) think that they will simply "click" and are meant to be, or there is no future and nothing further needs to be done towards making the relationship work. This results in very passionate and satisfied partners at first and once problems arise, these same soul searchers give up on the relationship, blaming it all on lack of soul compatibility. I want to add here the lack of knowledge such individuals have on the subject. As I said earlier, soul-mates do not necessarily have shared interests or personalities. In fact they mirror your flaws and facets and make you want to work on the best in you. Regardless of the instant connection you may share, even soul-mates encounter ups and downs or perhaps you are simply in a karmic relationship. Identify what relationship you are in!
Research shows also the flip side of the coin. There are people who believe in romantic growth, therefore they realise romance is not instant and this grows in the relationship as the couple evolves through time. They believe in solving their issues rather than rejecting a partner for minor disagreements. It turns out to be a satisfied relationship with perhaps not as much euphoria and passion as those that believe in romantic destiny.
Overall the conclusion drawn from this research is clear. A soul-mate potentially damages the chances towards a successful relationship in the belief that a connection is always necessary for a long term future. A person who advocates romantic growth and consciously works, puts effort and has a desired interest in growing with their partner cultivates a long lasting future.
I do agree with this data but also want to add the erroneous information one carries within themselves about what a soul-mate really is. It is more than a connection with the other person and I think this is what leads to a failed relationship when we are convinced the other person is our soul-mate. Had I not read more about the subject, I too would be under the misconception of such ideas, because on the surface the whole notion appears very attractive and almost utopian. It can be if you are in the right frame of mind and mature enough to carry the weight of your other soul.
We do have more than one soul-mate, I support this idea as well. You will only know this if you can live it and on a deeper level the answers will come to you are able to respect all your relationships and honour them. If you can appreciate your loved ones in a spiritual light, this is a good start to lead you in the direction of self discovery and thus to discover your soul-mate/s. The more you are the RIGHT person in your heart, you will find the person you are looking for.
